My son is 9 years old.
Last weekend, when we passed by a lingerie shop in a mall, my son was attracted by the huge billboard in front of the store. The billboard must be four meters high and two meters wide, with the back of a foreign model in a bikini on it. Similar to the picture below:
My son stopped and watched.
At this moment, the first reaction in my mind was to rush up quickly, cover his eyes, and pull him away. After all, I am an adult male, it is not appropriate to stare at bikini girls at the entrance of a lingerie store, let alone a 9-year-old boy.
I just took a step forward, but remembered that when I was a child, I was about 9 or 10 years old, and I would stare at the bikini girls on the calendar at home. At this age, it is nonsense to see these sexual urges, and it is still a few years before puberty. But why would I instinctively want to look twice? I can't say that. All in all, it is normal for my son to be attracted.
At the same time, I thought about it again. At this time, if the parent's reaction is too obvious, it will easily arouse the child's stronger curiosity. In this big environment, there are still a lot of bikini advertisements.
So, I stopped, stood behind my son, and waited quietly for him to finish watching.
this process,It is impossible to say that I have no pressure. There are people coming and going in the mall. It is obviously quite strange to see my father and son stopping and watching outside the lingerie store!
Fortunately, my son started to move forward after watching it for about half a minute. At this time, I followed him over.
I think, what should I say?
I said: Just now this shop sells women's underwear, not suitable for our men.
My son said: I know that women have to wear one on their upper body.
I said: This is a bra that women wear on the upper half of the body. We usually speak a little more elegantly, and we also talk about underwear.
He asked: Our men don’t wear underwear anymore?
I said: Strictly speaking, it is also called underwear. But now generally speaking of underwear, most of the time it refers to women's underwear.
He said: Women are so strange, we have to wear one on the upper body, so we men can be shirtless.
I said: Yes, because the upper body of adult women is different from our adult men. The breasts of adult women are sex organs, so we need to cover them.
My son said: Why is our man’s breasts not private? Our men’s breasts are also different from women’s! Why can we be shirtless,Don't you need to cover it? (In my son's school, the children regarded the sex organs as "privacy")
I said: Hmm! You are a good question! I think this is more of a cultural tradition, or customs. For example, in China and most countries in the world, we have developed to the present and believe that women’s breasts are private, while men’s breasts are not private, so women can’t be shirtless, but men can. But in some African and American tribes, they think that women's breasts are not private, so their women are also shirtless.
My son said in surprise: There is such a country?
I said: Yes! I also watched a documentary. In a certain African tribe, that tribe would hold a coming-of-age ceremony when a boy was sixteen or seventeen years old. In this ceremony, about ten cows will be placed side by side, and then the boy will run over the back of the cow naked, and he will be considered an adult. Many women will be invited to this ceremony to cheer for the boys. Therefore, in this tribe, the lower body of men is not considered privacy.
My son opened his eyes wide in surprise, and said: Isn't this boy's dick seen by everyone?
I said: Yes! You must think this is incredible. If you are allowed to be naked in the public, would you like it?
My son shook his head violently and said: unwilling, unwilling.
I said: This is because you were born in China,Growing up under our cultural traditions since childhood. But if you live in that African tribe, you will not be shy, because when you were a child, you would see the older children in the tribe taking part in the coming-of-age ceremony naked. Then when you reach your age, maybe you still yearn for the coming-of-age ceremony very much?
My son laughed, and then suddenly asked: Dad, is there any country in the world, besides breasts, are there other places that are considered privacy?
I said: Yes. For example, some Arab countries believe in Islam . Among them are some sects , which stipulate that almost all women are private. So when they go out, they must wear a headscarf and a veil, cover their faces, and show only a pair of eyes.
my son suddenly realized and said: Oh! Yes, yes, I have seen in the book that Muslim women wear long robes.
I said: So, you see, in different parts of the world, people have different traditions about which parts are private. This generally cannot say who is right and who is wrong. Since we are Chinese, we should deal with it according to our country's current customs, that's fine!
My son said: OK, I see.
I said: In addition, dad tells you that, as far as our tradition is concerned, it is not appropriate for us men to stand in front of women's underwear stores for a long time.Because women's underwear stores are dedicated to women and are related to women's privacy, we men should keep our distance. Just like our men can’t enter the women’s bathroom.
My son said: Can women go to our men's underwear store?
I said: Well, although there are few underwear shops for men, if there are, women generally don't go in.
My son said contentedly: Okay, it's fairly fair!
Summary
This matter is actually a question of personality education.
In an article I wrote before, I summarized the recommendations of the American Academy of Pediatrics on children’s sex education, and copy them here:
- exchange sex knowledge with children It’s not important. What’s important is when the children are interested in it and when they ask their parents questions, when the parents should answer them.
- Don’t make fun of children, don’t be overly embarrassed, and don’t be overly serious.
- For younger children, more concise answers are needed instead of excessive details.
- Use appropriate vocabulary to describe body parts.
- listen to children’s questions and observe their feedback.
At my son’s current age, he is attracted to bikini girls. From my observation, he is mostly curious and less driven by instinct.
So, I first tried to show calmness and respect for his curiosity. Then, I discussed this matter from an intellectual perspective, which satisfied his curiosity even more. Finally, I take it back and mention that such behavior is not very appropriate, and I hope to avoid it in the future.
In summary, I can't say that my method is the best method, but I personally take the method for my son's specific situation. For your reference only!
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