text | Zhang Ping
illustration | from the Internet
For people who don't like children, it may be difficult to understand why some people regard " having children " as the life creed.
The child is obviously the devil, why is he a "little angel" in the eyes of others.
Frankly speaking, before got married and had children, it was difficult for me to understand this. It was not until I got married and had my first child as I wished that I realized that having a child would really make a person better Responsibility makes a family more cohesive.
Now, my second child has also been born, and I have finally made up the word "good" in life like most people. Sometimes, when I see a sleeping baby in my arms, I will be in a trance for a moment, feeling that happiness comes too quickly.
During this period of time, one of the topics I have been asked the most is: Is raising two children too stressful?
To be honest, raising two children is certainly not an easy task for ordinary families. Whether it is material or energy, two children will be more difficult for parents.
But isn't parenting just for the kids?
Having a child gives me the motivation to live and a new goal. Like some people before marriage, after they have children, they have to think about their children and gradually learn to save money, which is actually a kind of progress.
1.
Six months ago, 51-year-old Cao Fen wanted to have a second child, but this was a happy event for her, but it was a bad thing for her children and husband .
Cao Fen's eldest son Zhou Kai is 20 years old this year and is currently a sophomore. In a few years, he will get married and have children of his own. He is sensitive in adolescence, and he is also afraid that his peers will laugh at him. Will say that his mother gave him a second child sister so late.
Therefore, since he had a younger sister, he has seldom returned home, preferring to stay at school during holidays, or travel with his classmates.
Last week, Cao Fen and her husband had a fight. I don't remember the reason at the time. Anyway, the fight was fierce. At that time, the two people also proposed divorce , but after calming down after the incident, the two tacitly disagreed. Again.
Cao Fen is an accountant. She has been calculating for decades. It is not that she cannot calculate the account of having a child. Of course, she knows what she will face when she has a second child.
Although I have been in love with my husband for nearly 30 years, the relationship between them has not been very harmonious.
Cao Fen's husband is 5 years younger than her. She was a colleague of her former company. Later, she switched to sales. Over the years, although their house has been changed several times and their family conditions are much better than before, Cao Fen still has a Heart disease.
It turned out that more than 10 years ago, the husband once fell in love with a woman who had children. Later, the woman's husband came to her house to make trouble, and the matter was over, but after this incident, the relationship between her and her husband became clear. The relationship declined sharply, and the reason for not getting a divorce was also because of the son.
2.
Of course, some people may ask, since the relationship is not very good, why have a second child? Speaking of which, it is still related to her in-laws.
After the last incident, Cao Fen and her husband also made troubles to the point of getting divorced. At that time, her in-laws said that divorce is ok, but the children must stay.
The in-laws are not good with their grandchildren, and they will not give up custody anyway.
When she thought that her child would leave her at any time, and her husband was unreliable, Cao Fen gradually began to feel anxious about . She had been unable to sleep at night for two consecutive years. In addition, her son gradually grew up , and her relationship with her was not close. In this home, Cao Fen felt very lonely, so she had the idea of having a second child.
It's just that she just proposed her idea, and her husband immediately rejected it. His first sentence was this: If you give birth to a child at such a young age, you are not afraid of being laughed to death.
But Cao Fen is not afraid of being laughed at.
Only having a child can she have a new goal and new motivation in her life, so that she can work hard for this child, not to mention their current situation, having another child is definitely not a problem, and she has survived her own private life for so many years. A lot of money, all without the knowledge of the husband.
Cao Fen's idea is that the worst thing is to get a divorce and bring your own children.
After having this child, her son does not have anything to do with her. She is confident that she will raise the child by herself. After all, she also raised her son alone before. The meaning of a man's existence in the family is just that It's just a tool man, I really hope he will do something, I'm sure he will be pissed off.
Many married women have this feeling: The relationship between the husband and themselves is getting more and more estranged, and the children gradually grow up and do not care about themselves, especially when the children go to school and leave home, if the relationship with the partner is not good, it is really very difficult. It is easy to feel lonely.
I am not afraid of being alone, but I am afraid that two people together are more lonely than one person. It is a very and hopeless feeling.
Thinking about it this way, it seems that I can understand why women in their 50s still insist on having a second child. Since conditions permit, they want it again, and it is not wrong to create some hope in life. As for the future encounters Problems, just wait until you encounter them later, there is no need to plan too much in life.
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About the author: Zhang Ping, psychological counselor, marriage and family counselor, well-known emotional self-media. I have wine, do you have a story?
