In the afternoon, the sun is warm, and I asked my friend Lan Yu to come out for a walk. Lan Yu picked up a golden ginkgo leaf and put it under his nose greedily and smelled it, "It smells so fragrant... I remember when I was depressed a few years ago, I cried for a while when I saw the fallen leaves on the ground."
She smiled, "Do you know? My sister doesn't want to get married until now, just because my mother has a ranking list at home!"
"Ah? There are ranking lists at home?! What are you ranking?" I asked with my eyes staring for three times.
Lan Yu smiled bitterly, "The number of times I go home is ranked. There are three siblings. Whoever goes home to see my mother once, she will draw a picture behind who has more words "典". It turns out that I am the first one, now my sister is the first and my younger brother is the second. I rarely appear on the rankings."
Lan Yu said calmly, and I understood her previous depression more. (Wang Xuejing, V: xuejin234) I also thought of Lan Yu’s struggle at that time - it would be unfilial not to repay her without the way she liked, but her mother’s needs were really difficult to satisfy. Finally, Lan Yu gave up being morally kidnapped by and bravely became a rebellious daughter, and her depression gradually improved.
In Lan Yu's home, a ranking list restricted three children. In fact, such kidnapping is being performed by every family.
When someone says to you, "I'm all for your own good. If you don't work hard now, what should I do in the future?" He is kidnapping your independent choice with love. The subtext is that I love you, you have to listen to me; when someone advises you, "You don't listen to anything I say, you're at a loss now." He is kidnapping your wisdom with authority, and the subtext is that my idea is right and you are wrong; when someone tells you angrily, "Just be willful, sooner or later, you're angry!" He is kidnapping you with emotions. The subtext is that I'm in a bad mood now, it's all because of you, and you have to be responsible for it.
Moral kidnapping has a typical feature - I am all for your own good! When you feel this, be careful that once you are trapped in it, you may not be able to pay it back! Just like Blue Rain, only by using "depression" is exchanged for liberation and freedom.
[Psychological article reading knowledge points]
1. The so-called moral kidnapping often breaks through the "boundary" between people, and you will feel invaded.
2. When others treat you too well, please be careful, even your relatives and lovers. Is he turning you into "a part of him"?
3. When moral kidnapping really occurs, you may face severe inner conflicts. If you stick to the past, you will feel a new life. I can walk with you.
(The picture is from the Internet. If there is any inappropriateness, please contact me to delete it)
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