The end of the year is approaching, and 2022 is going to be both quiet and noisy in a blink of an eye. To say it is quiet is because I feel that I have not done anything worthy of the organization and myself in 2022; to say it is noisy is because the world is at war, such as Russia and Ukraine, and society is tortured by the epidemic. Some people call for silence, and some want to let go, but at the end of the year, I really let go. Control or let go or silence, many people are still arguing about it.
I was exposed to the sun during the first wave of relaxation. But after being cured, I still have tinnitus bleating, slow taste, and also suffer from dyslexia. When I see long paragraphs of text, my head feels dizzy, my brain feels swollen, and my eyesight blurs.
Alas, the writing is a bit verbose. The years pass by, and the seasons flow by. So fast, we can already feel it in 2023.
Every time I reach this point, the short essays that I have persisted in for about twelve or three years titled "My Year xx (Summary of the Year)" that are either ridiculing, falsely profound, nonsensical, or inspirational are about to appear again.
what to say? Yesterday, the leader said at the meeting that we should sort out the loopholes in this year's work, review the achievement and shortcomings of this year's goals with sincerity, and plan for next year's work in a down-to-earth manner. Projects should match the main responsibilities and main businesses. There should be no word games, no form, only content, and must be organized and feasible measures...
After the meeting, it fell into the night, lying on the bed, and I fell into As I pondered, my mind flashed through many key shots at the beginning and end of each month of this year, like a movie. Most of the time, I looked cowering in the shots, looking forward and backward, hesitant, nervous and fearful, worrying about gains and losses. It was completely different from my mental state three years ago. This wretched look of mine was disgusting and abominable even to myself.
Taking stock of 2022, my own keywords are fear, nervousness, and anxiety.
What are you afraid of? Owe someone money? Not owed. Are you old? There are still a few years left before retirement. Are you more wrinkled or bald? This is true, but it doesn't mean that I can't go out and see people. I wear clothes, and occasionally I wear brand-name clothes, and I feel that my style is pretty good. What are you nervous about and what are you anxious about? The answer is that I'm sick again. What disease does
suffer from? Answer, I started to self-deny, self-assume, self-hysteria, self-set limitations, self-convention, self-afraid of revolution, and also like to ask who am I, where did I come from, and where am I going? I believe that the end of science is philosophy, and the end of philosophy is theology.
Oh, I believe in God. God created man from a model. After He shaped you, He smashed the model into pieces, so you are unique. Really? Fake? True or false.
Are people the same? Same, men and women. Speaking of men and people, this reminds me of the female deputy leader and the male leader of a certain district in a certain city a few days ago. The love was like a tide and she was drowned. The water curtain hole was so wet that even the pads could not be replaced. It was as exciting as watching Wasted City when I was young, and now I am watching the unabridged version of The Golden Ping Mei, annotated by Xiaoxiaosheng.
Damn it, I have summarized it here, and I got distracted and went astray. Haha, I laughed twice, stopped to recover, and then summarized.
In the final analysis, I believe that my fear and anxiety are that I really lack confidence now - I am empty and dry. Content cannot support form, and form cannot achieve content. How can two words be so empty!
I said that I suffer from anxiety, which is true. I started fighting and compromising with this disease that is the opposite of depression 10 years ago. There is no point fighting an anxiety disorder; acknowledging it and living with it is the only solution.
I know that the underlying logic of anxiety disorders is the fear that the future will never happen, and that the worst outcome is happening, which is unfounded worry.Anxiety disorder is fear of the future (including fear of death) - excessive secretion of adrenaline , causing a series of physical discomforts, such as fear of making a fool of oneself, palpitation, chest tightness, rapid heartbeat, or dizziness, etc. - These symptoms aggravate fear and start a vicious cycle of hysteria. It is just a little trick of adrenal gland secretion.
Have you seen tiger want to eat antelope? After the antelope notices it, it subconsciously secretes adrenaline, its heartbeat speeds up, and it gasps for air. It either prepares to fight or runs away as fast as possible! But for people, if they are in a state of high mental excitement for a long time, pursue perfection in everything, and require themselves to perform well, over time, after the sympathetic nervous system and parasympathetic nervous system are not coordinated, anxiety and depression will take advantage of the situation.
Depression means losing interest in life, thinking that the world is gray, and wanting to die. Anxiety disorder, on the other hand, wants to live well but is afraid of death. A person who wants to perform well too much. If the content cannot support the form and the form cannot achieve the content, he will worry about gains and losses, and he will be ill.
And from 2021 to 2022, I finally adjusted to a normal state, but I became anxious again for some formal things. Who should I show it to? !
This anxiety manifests itself in speaking in public on stage and reporting on work, feeling flustered and incoherent, nervous hands shaking, and going blank in my mind, passing by crowded squares, having agoraphobia, wanting to see a doctor but being afraid of going to the hospital, being afraid of white coats, often self-checking my blood pressure and heart rate . At the beginning of the year, I went to the funeral parlor with the trade union leaders to mourn an old comrade, and I was still very scared.
Thinking back to the past, I was not always eloquent. I could speak and write both on and off the stage, with clear logic and well-spoken words. Aren’t I also a lover of public speaking? Can't you tell me how to learn to sing? Why is it that when I speak in public and report on my work now, my words are incoherent?
I couldn’t figure it out, so I started reading some books related to philosophy and theology, listening to Buddhist scriptures, and wanted to cultivate my moral character. However, my eyes, ears, body, and mind were eventually obscured by worldly affairs. Is it possible for all living beings to jump out of the Three Realms and not be in the Five Elements?
html At the end of the year and the beginning of the new year, summarizing and planning for your organization requires a high degree of unity in content and form. Are you really not capable enough and have poor performance, so you can just make up the slogan?Planning for organizational goals requires a high degree of matching and compatibility of people, finances, and materials, the right time, place, and people, individuals with ambition and desire for performance, supporters, and pragmatic leaders... Look, this is all driven by desire.
color means emptiness, and emptiness means color. It takes courage to summarize one’s mood and mental journey this year.
At least, I am brave now, but I have exhausted my talents, right? Please give it a like. After you like it, I will close WeChat Moments, Weibo , Toutiao, Douyin , Meipian, forum, QQ and Momo .
This is where my summary for 2022 ends. I can’t write any more. After all, I am empty and every step I take leaves traces.
I remember this time last year, I said: "At this moment, standing at the ferry of time, let us not talk about the vicissitudes of life. Although the seasons are often cold, we must be grateful and have warmth in our hearts. We must live warmly and use our own light to illuminate the way forward." Look, how heroic and tender.
"Come on, in 2022, on the way forward, I will definitely write every word that belongs to me in a clear, clear, optimistic and broad-minded way, and write in a plain, concise and pragmatic way"... Look, my words at that time are still in my ears, how warm and confident I am! The result? Empty.
Alas, come on, in 2023, I will be one year older. I can’t help crying at this moment, but I must push it back.
After this year, I decided to end the personal summary that I have adhered to for ten years. I will no longer make any form of summary and planning for myself and the organization. No matter what happens in the future, whether it will be wonderful or disappointing or brilliant or failure or demise, everything will be calm and let nature take its course.
The flowers are similar every year, but the people are different every year. All appearances are false. That's all.
