In the previous article, the author introduced in detail three pathological ways of thinking and 10 major irrational creeds. In this chapter, the author introduced four steps to regulate his own irrational ways of thinking.
In order to explain these 4 steps more clearly, the book uses a detailed example to illustrate it.
Induced Event (A): Married woman Joan, I feel that her husband no longer loves him as much as before.
Step 1: Ask yourself how inappropriate your feelings and behaviors are. You need to pay special attention to those emotions such as excessive irritability, anger, depression, guilt, depression, jealousy, procrastination, avoidance, etc. In the case of
, Joan found that he was very irritable in recent months, did not want to see people, was anxious, and was particularly sensitive.
Step 2: Compare 3 pathological ways of thinking and 10 irrational creeds, and ask why I am so unhappy because I have thought about something. In the case of
, Joan found himself thinking this way: Why don’t he take me seriously? What if he doesn't love me anymore? This is so terrible! Am I not doing well enough? If you don’t love, don’t love it. Who will not turn the earth after leaving it? He doesn't care, then I don't care!
During the whole process, Qiao An first terrorized and shouldn't, and then rationalized it. He experienced emotions such as fear of being rejected, fear of failure, and self-blame in his heart, and these emotions will take turns to play, constantly disturbing Qiao An.
Step 3: Think about how to fight irrational thinking.
Joan thought this way: My husband hasn't cared for me so much lately, but is this really bad, scary, and scary? No, unless I make this awful, terrible, horrible. He may not be attracted to me as he used to, but this is not the end of the world either. Can unhappiness and anger turn the possibility of him having an affair into vanish? cannot! I can talk to him before I feel sad and angry that he doesn't love me as much as he used to.
Step 4: Ask yourself what is the better choice that can replace the previous irrational way of thinking? to replace terroristization, positification and rationalization.
Joan's better choice is: I want my husband to still love me, but if he is not like this, it is not terrifying unless I terrify this matter. I hope he appreciates my charm, and even if he doesn't think so, it doesn't mean that no one wants it. I can talk to him calmly. I don't have his love, I just want it. After I tried hard, if things didn't improve, I would consider leaving.
After 4 steps, Joan's thoughts changed. She no longer overreacted, but she still paid attention to her husband's behavior and finally decided to talk to him. The four steps of
are not easy to complete. For beginners, it may take a long time to complete, but through practice, this process will become easier and easier.
