Hello everyone, I am Xiaodu teacher at Zhengdu Psychological Counseling (the same name as the public account) .
In an intimate relationship, there is a seemingly incredible saying, "I can't live without you."
The sentence can be translated as:
Leave you, including actively leaving and passively leaving;
cannot survive, which means that the degree of pain is comparable to death without you, that is, the pain is on the spiritual level, like the death anxiety deep in the heart.
Such death anxiety is what we often call separation anxiety .
Separation anxiety: It first refers to the anxiety caused by separation of infants and young children and relatives. Now, many adults also have this kind of separation anxiety.
How to overcome the separation anxiety of adults?
01. Change your own perception
To overcome separation anxiety, you need to allow yourself to develop this emotion. The existence of separation anxiety does not mean that one lacks independence and is immature in mind, so there is no need to alienate oneself for this reason.
Everyone has the need to attach. If you are overly suppressed and restrained, it is easy to create the setting of " everything will leave me ", making us want to be attached to others but dare not be attached. The continuation of this state will aggravate anxiety and pain.
suddenly goes from a familiar and safe environment to a strange and unknown environment, will inevitably be afraid and anxious . Respect your feelings and accommodate anxiety.
Don’t feel that you have abnormal psychological activities, and don’t overly hide and deny, accept, tolerate vulnerable and helpless, and express bravely to the person who makes you feel this emotion or to another trustworthy person. Maybe you will get closer because of sincere communication.
02. Mourn the farewell, accept the loss, establish a new connection
We cannot control the occurrence of separation, we can only choose to face and accept.
mourning requires first commemorating the past and having the courage to merge with the past again. For example, looking back at old photos or recalling what you did together before and what you felt at that time. Going further, you can also take the initiative to communicate your thoughts and feelings with the other party.
In this process you will find the changes in your emotions, and mourning is also the process of emotional flow.
Next, accept the reality of losing, thank you for your company, put your self and the past in your memories, and prepare to move forward.
If you don’t know how to face this separation and feel anxious and fearful, you can find a professional consultant to help you build a sense of security in living alone.
I am Teacher Xiaodu from Zhengdu Psychological Counseling (the same name as the official account). If you have any psychological problems such as love, marriage and family, parent-child education, and personal growth, you can contact us.
Then adapt to the new environment and bravely start to establish new emotional connections. Create a new harbor that makes you feel comfortable , and actively regain your sense of security.
When you find a new comfort zone and improve your confidence in your ability to deal with " isolate ", you will no longer be anxious about it.
03. Adapt to the changes after separation and continue to live carefully
When you are facing separation, a sudden vacancy in a certain part of your heart will make us feel confused.
You don’t know what you should do, and sometimes you even feel that you just want to stay alone, immersed in that dense, sad and comfortable love.
Although immersed in those beautiful memories can make you feel the short sense of security of , over time, it may make you lose your passion for life.
so get out as soon as possible and let your life return to normal track.
Keep yourself busy. You can try to find something that will make you happy in a new environment or pick up your previous hobbies, such as sports, travel, reading books, movies, etc. Enrich, enrich life, , so there is no time to think randomly.
There is no absolutely stable relationship between people , those people you thought you were irreplaceable in life, those friends you thought you would never leave will one day quit your circle of friends.
