Why do many children now have depression ? They feel that they can’t find the meaning of living.
I remember that I also had this idea when I was young. I dropped out of junior high school and went out to work because I couldn’t afford the accommodation fee of 50 yuan. Maybe my mother didn’t want me to study anymore. Fifty yuan was just an excuse. After school starts, classmates come to my house every day to ask me to go to school, saying that it was the teacher who asked me to come. Watching them go to school, while I was chopping and carrying firewood, traveling back and forth with the mountains and home. When they said that the teacher asked me to go back to study, and I was struggling to drag a dead branch. My mother kept saying that I didn't want to study anymore and told them not to come again. What could I say? She could only turn around and hide towards the mountain. Tears blurred my eyes, but I was unable to change...
Later, a few days later, my mother pinched the time and let me hide on the roof when it was time to finish school. Those days I was standing on the rooftop, listening to a few good classmates calling my name at the door of my house. My mother was there saying that she was not at home, and she said that she didn't want to study anymore. At that time, I really wanted to jump off the building, hated my mother, hated the injustice of fate, why did I deprive me of studying...
I always thought my mother would be soft-hearted and asked me to continue studying, but I didn't expect her to be so determined by her decision. My classmates didn't come again after more than a week, and I was already entrusted by my mother to a sister-in-law in the same village to take her out to work, and since then I was not able to do so in school.
Later, it was my working years when I transferred from Wuhan to Guangdong. Those years were really unbearable memories for me. I was introverted and timid, and I had to learn to be independent and strong. Whenever I was lonely and helpless, I would call back to seek comfort. I hope my mother could say that if it was not good outside, you would come back. But what I waited for was always "If you don't make money well, your younger brother and sister will have to drop out of school. Their grades are better than you. It's reasonable that you don't study. It would be a pity if they don't study!" I was extremely disappointed. It turned out that I was a one-person cash machine in her heart. Except for the day she called me on the initiative on the day she paid her salary, I would call back the rest of the time. At the beginning, it was always "What's wrong with you?" I said it was okay, and she said, "Why are you calling back when you have nothing to do? Isn't it a waste of phone bills?"
So I reduced the number of calls from three times a week to once a week, and slowly it was once a month, that is, the day when the salary was paid, I had to call to notify me if I had transferred the money. There were a few times when I deliberately did not send money on time, my mother would take the initiative to look for me and said, "Why didn't you send money? Don't use money outside!" I cried silently and couldn't say anything... At that time, I really doubted what the meaning of my existence was and what the meaning of living was. At that time, I was working with my sister, and she might have the same idea as me. She always quarreled with my mother, turned around and scolded me, saying that I was a burden and that my mother insisted on throwing me to her.
Maybe everyone sees their own pain and cannot realize that others also have the feeling of suffocation brought from all aspects.
So every time my sister quarrels with her, she will scold me, why don’t she go to si? I dare not retaliate because I am afraid of her. My mother always tells me to give in to her and says I owe her. So I could only shut up, and my sister became even more angry and said that I was like a si person and didn't say anything. When I talked back, she said I had no conscience. I felt very wronged and told my mother that she would only let me endure it and asked me to endure everything. My sister called me very bad. Every time you didn't go out, you were hit by a car, why didn't you jump off this floor...
That time she scolded me again and asked me to jump off the building. I rushed to the balcony of the dormitory, the fifth floor, and wondered if I just went like this, would my mother and my sister feel guilty? At that time, I even felt a little thrill of revenge in my heart.
was hesitating whether to follow my sister's intentions like this. At this time, the roommate came. She photographed me and asked me why I was standing. She also said that it was so strong that Xiaoxiao was afraid of catching a cold. I replied in a hoarse voice, and I forgot. She said with concern: "Do you have a cold? Do you have any medicine? I happened to have it, so I'll get it for you." After that, she turned around and ran away. After a while, she took the medicine and handed it to my hand, and pulled me in, but I didn't move.Maybe she heard my sister scolding me and advised me: Don’t think too much, the people in our dormitory like you, your little sister, for example! "In just such a simple sentence, it seems to me that a drowning person encounters a life-saving straw. It turns out that I am also needed by others, not an ATM.
Since then, I learned to save myself, read a lot of books, and bought some psychology books to read to enlighten myself and learn to forgive others.
It was not until many years later that I talked to my mother that I understood my mother. She was a woman who married far away, her grandparents were mean, and my father was indecisive, and she made up everything. She did physical work outside like a man. She rushed to do the work that men didn't do, just for the salary of less than three or four hundred a month, and to support our siblings, which led to her I finally felt sick at a young age. Fortunately, everything was still too late. Only when I was destined to be a mother and daughter in this life. I will leave no regrets in my life!
Everyone has the meaning of her existence, and the meaning of my existence when I was young is to make money to support my younger brothers and sisters to study, so that they can have another way besides working. My father can move less bricks, and my mother who married far away can worry less. It is also a quick plant to be able to pay for them.
