Hello everyone, thank you Teacher Wang Ran for your introduction. This is my first time doing such a live broadcast today, so I am also very scared. When I am afraid, I will prepare too much content. OK, then today we are talking about inferiority complex. What is inferiority com

Hello everyone, thank you Teacher Wang Ran for your introduction. This is my first time doing such a live broadcast today, so I am also very scared. When I am afraid, I will prepare too much content. OK, then today we are talking about inferiority complex. What is inferiority complex? We have to make a fuss first. I will share with you my opinion on inferiority complex.

Ph.D. in psychology, golden image dialogue psychologist Cao Yu

How to define "inferiority"

I think the so-called "inferiority" is a bad review you give yourself, and then bring a sense of overall lowliness. So I think I understand this inferiority complex or understand inferiority complex . The most important thing is 4 points. I summarized it and you can refer to it.

Definition

What is subjective feelings? It is not necessarily a match for objective. Rather than saying that it is " I am not bad ", it is better to say that it is a kind of " I am not bad ". A while ago, I watched an interview program. The host is also a celebrity, and the interviewee is also a celebrity. Then the host asked the interviewee with a bitter heart and said, "Hey, you came here once, and then all the girls in our office fell in love with you, and they wanted to run with you. Look at us, why can't we do this? Let me introduce us to the experience." Hey, the guest interviewed was very embarrassed. He lowered his head and looked confused. He said, "Oh, I really don't know, ah, I actually feel very inferior."

So in the end everyone discussed it and came up with a consensus that the more perfect a person is, the inferior he is. It can be seen that this is a subjective feeling. Maybe a bad person may not feel that I feel bad, but there are some pretty good people who may feel bad about me. So the first point is a subjective feeling.

So what is the second key point? It is the second key point, which we call psychologically "generalization".

is to enlarge a point and then enlarge it to the whole whole. So when the inferiority complex comes out, we will feel like "Oh, I'm useless."

So, this is an exaggeration and untrue word. In fact, when we look at real people, everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, right? No one is all advantage or disadvantage. It reminds me that the current popular plastic surgery is more popular. I couldn’t understand it before. I said, “Why are you so beautiful that you have plastic surgery?”

So when we come back here, we will know that it means that a person who can look beautiful, he himself thinks, "Oh, I think I am too ugly, I am so ugly that I can't meet people in such a true face." That's why he wants plastic surgery. Look, this is actually the focus of life, and the evaluation of me being good and bad is all based on this appearance. This is our current and current appearance anxiety. So the second point we look at is that it is a generalized feeling, one leaf blocks the eyes and cannot see Mount Tai.

So what are the key points three? In fact, inferiority complex is a gap after comparison.

I think there is a saying that is particularly good. There is no harm if there is no comparison. This is the gap caused by comparison. What are we comparing with? This standard can be internal or external. For example, if the external person is someone better than us, then we will feel inferior when we compare with them. But some of us have even worse standards. They are the inner standards. They have a perfect me that I should be, which is even worse.

So we found that the gap brought by this comparison also has a characteristic, that is, the higher the standard is set, the larger the gap, so the stronger its inferiority complex is. OK, this is the third key point. The fourth key point of

is that we look at the inferiority complex, and the reason for it, actually, I talked to everyone at the beginning, and I said that I gave myself a bad review, and then this bad review brought me a feeling that I was very bad and I was very bad.

Then we will find that if I give me a bad review, you will find that you have at least two me in it, right? It seems that the first one is a reviewer, and the second one is a reviewer. Then you find out that I am not alone, he is a lot of people. In our school of image dialogue, we call it subpersonality. In fact, we think that everyone, his me, is composed of many such personalities, and a lot of relationships with each other. So instead of calling me, we are better.

So about this part, if you are interested, you can go and see "How many yourself do you have". Because of this part, I will give an additional introduction in this book. Then you will know that I despise me and I look down on me, and you will find that this is quite fun, this subpersonal personality.

What are the characteristics of "inferiority"?

OK, so the first question I just mentioned is what is inferiority complex? So the second question I want to talk about is what are the characteristics of inferiority complex? I have summarized three characteristics.

The first feature is that from its essence, it is a psychological conflict within a person's self, so it is internal injury. Oh my, internal injuries hurt very much, right? But it is also very secretive, and because it is an internal injury, it cannot cure the medicine outside, so at most it can only be temporarily anesthetized. Why do you say so?

For example, imagine, if you praise a person with a strong sense of inferiority, you praise him, you say, "Oh, you are so awesome, I'll obey you." But what does he hear? He might hear "Oh, he's sarcasticating me," or he thinks you're saying a hypocritical word of face. So you see, so the medicine outside cannot cure the inferiority complex in his heart. This is the essential characteristic of his inferiority complex.

Then let’s look at the second characteristic, which is that from the process of inferiority complex, it is actually equivalent to a person who constantly beats himself or slaps himself, which is a long-term chronic self-denial and self-abuse. It is precisely because of this person who beat him, he is not outside, he is himself inside, so he has nowhere to escape, just like a shadow.

People often use this inferiority complex to describe it, and say, "Oh, I feel like I'm chasing one of my black dogs or a black shadows." These are the experiences that bring about this process. OK, then this is the second feature. The second feature is that it beats oneself up.

Let’s look at the third feature. In fact, I want to look at its consequences. What will happen if you beat yourself up for a long time if you have a person? If he agrees with this sense of inferiority complex, think about it, everyone thinks that he is exhausted in his heart until the end of the long-term civil war, civil war, and civil war, then he will become depressed.

So if a person says I don’t accept it, I don’t recognize my inferiority complex, I don’t feel inferior, I’m very awesome, what should I do? He will fight, what should he do if he fights? After confrontation, he will desperately break free from the feeling of inferiority, and then pounce on the opposite side, and he will pursue a sense of superiority. But can this pursuit of superiority solve the problem of inferiority complex? Actually, it can't be.

Let me give you an example, everyone think about it. For example, if you walk under the spotlight on a stage. Then the brighter the light hits the front, the darker the shadow behind the actor will be. Right? So this problem still cannot be solved, so how should it be solved? I'll talk to you later. OK, now what I just talked about is the second part, which is the characteristics of inferiority complex.

I have given you a brief sharing from this essence, process and result.

What are the common manifestations of "inferiority"?

Inferiority manifested from body language

Then let’s take a look. What I want to share with you in the third part is inferiority complex. What are the common manifestations of it? Today I want to talk to you about one person’s inferiority complex from the outside, how do we see a person’s inferiority complex from the body language outside? The other one, I want to be an inferior person from the perspective of the inner script, what is his inner drama? I would like to share this briefly with you from these two parts.

First, let’s look at what a person with inferiority complex looks like? What is his body language like? Let’s feel it first, I’m not energetic, right? It was covered in dust, then collapsed downwards, and then shrank, right?

Then what is his body shape? He just put his head on his head and then hunched his back. If he stood there, you would find that his pelvis might be a little forward, which would be a bit like he was clamped with his tail. Then it may be difficult for him to stand straight on his knees, and even if you have to look at his feet, his feet may have a little inner horoscope . His claws in his shoes may be pressed inward, and his soles of his feet do not dare to land flat and steadily like this.

Then what is his hand? His hands may often sag and loose. Or he clenched his fist a little weakly, and then held the thumb in the middle, hanging it like me. Hey, can you see it? This is a lot of action. Then this is a common manifestation of a person with inferiority complex.

So what can we discover in interpersonal communication for those with inferiority?

We will find that it seems that he is particularly unnatural when dating others. Once he notices that someone pays attention to him, he becomes nervous, blushed, heartbeats, sweats, and trembles, and then you go and look at his whole expression, as if he has just been trained. Then you talk to him and you say, "Oh, why is this person hesitant and cautious, as if he is slightly rude," as if he doesn't dare to express it directly. And maybe his voice was relatively small, and even his voice was trembling. The most important thing is his look. He always dares to look at you, flickering because he is a little dodging, as if he often looks down, as if he has done something shameful to him. This is a manifestation that you often observe in social interactions.

But from the perspective of body language, you will find that there is another type of person, who thinks, "Oh, I am very inferior, but I must not let others see that I am inferior." What should I do at this time? He will become physically the opposite, and he will deliberately cover up such inferiority complex. Then when we observe him in this body language, you will find that he is completely opposite to what I just said. For example, he was particularly exaggerated with his head held high and then spoke very exaggeratedly. For example, he brags, his exaggerated performance, he is so brave and fierce...

In short, everyone praised me for smiling beautifully, and my heart was in a mess... A person with inferiority finally heard a little sugar, and his heart was melted. OK, what I just mentioned is a common manifestation of inferiority complex.

Everyone knows that there is a feeling of being inferior at first glance, and a feeling of being particularly exaggerated at first glance, on the contrary, it is particularly unacceptable and particularly superior.

Ph.D. in psychology, golden image dialogue psychologist Cao Yu

Inferiority

Good, so let me talk about what the inner drama of the inferiority gang is like?

is the inner drama, it depends on the psychology person, because we can't tell from the outside at a glance. He will have many inner dramas, but all the themes are the same. Remember that the specific content may vary greatly, each person is the same, but the specific content is the same.

He summed it up and said, "Oh, people are watching my jokes, they are laughing at me." "Oh, I'm making a fool of myself in public! I'm so ashamed." "Oh, I'm looked down upon."...Anyway, it's all these contents.

So in such an inner drama, everyone remembers there are lines. These lines are like the kind of uncontrollable, uncontrollable, and emerged in the mind of this person, those constantly emerging, some negative comments, and those sentences at a time, and some statements.

For example, "Oh, this person looks so ugly." "Oh, is this person a pig's brain?" "Oh, it's so petty, I haven't seen any world." "Oh, this person is so poor." "Oh, this person is so poor." "Oh, this coward can't do anything, and the mud can't stand up to the wall." Say, "Hey, look, I feel so good, he doesn't know that he is already in a circle here and is embarrassing." ......

In short, you will find that these thoughts are negative comments, and then they are all sarcastic belittlements and humiliations. And they all want to have a small flaw and weakness that is originally very ordinary, even if others don't pay attention to, and then enlarge it infinitely in the spotlight! It seems like a small flaw, hey, it becomes a major flaw in life when it is enlarged.

This is very interesting. This is his inner drama. So for everyone, how can they act in the inner drama? How did my lines come from? So let’s read this slowly, how to read your inner drama? Teacher Zhu has a book called "Self-knowledge". Then, let Teacher Wang Ran introduce it to us.

In short, I think everyone needs to remember one thing, that is, arrogance and inferiority are actually two sides of the same coin. Where do you think arrogance comes from? Arrogance comes from infinitely amplifying one's own strengths and strengths, and then where does inferiority come from? On the contrary, inferiority complexes infinitely amplify one's shortcomings and flaws.

is good, this is the third part, which is a common manifestation of inferiority complex. There are external body language and their own inner drama.

Let’s look at the third feature. In fact, I want to look at its consequences. What will happen if you beat yourself up for a long time if you have a person? If he agrees with this sense of inferiority complex, think about it, everyone thinks that he is exhausted in his heart until the end of the long-term civil war, civil war, and civil war, then he will become depressed.

So if a person says I don’t accept it, I don’t recognize my inferiority complex, I don’t feel inferior, I’m very awesome, what should I do? He will fight, what should he do if he fights? After confrontation, he will desperately break free from the feeling of inferiority, and then pounce on the opposite side, and he will pursue a sense of superiority. But can this pursuit of superiority solve the problem of inferiority complex? Actually, it can't be.

Let me give you an example, everyone think about it. For example, if you walk under the spotlight on a stage. Then the brighter the light is on the front, the darker the shadow behind the actor will be. Right? So this problem still cannot be solved, so how should it be solved? I'll talk to you later. OK, now what I just talked about is the second part, which is the characteristics of inferiority complex.

I have given you a brief sharing from this essence, process and result. I think the key point is to get to the point. This is what people who play psychology are most concerned about, but in fact it is also the most important thing for people who don’t play psychology. So next I would like to ask everyone to listen carefully and don’t miss it.

Common emotions and coping patterns caused by inferiority

Let’s talk about it from the simplest point of view. First of all, I talked to you before, and I said where does this inferiority come from? It doesn't hurt without comparison, right? "Oh, I'm so bad. It turns out that I'm not that good at all." Look, what was his most direct emotion when he first came out? It's actually disappointment and a sense of loss, right? Then this is the first emotion. But most people cannot tolerate this. After this emotion arises, they always want to do something more, and I will talk about this later.

The The first emotion is disappointment and a sense of loss. This is the most direct emotional feeling. Then if you feel disappointed and lost after this, you will know that you are really not as good as you imagined. If you admit it directly, "Oh, I'm really bad, I'm really finished, I'm so bad." So what kind of emotions will appear at this time? Alas, it's just sad, right? Sad, then discouraged, "Hey, I'm really useless."

So what will happen to him later? Going into depression, right? Lying flat, scattering, and throwing apart. Of course, there are so many people, most of us don’t just accept it at once, right? Basically, we didn't recognize it at the beginning, and then after struggling for a long time, we finally agreed at a certain point. After we recognize it, we become depressed, so is the second common emotion, which is sadness.

OK, then let's see, if we suddenly find out, "Oh, it turns out that I am not as powerful as I thought, but when I think, oh, I still have to live in the future." Then he suddenly said that he would fail again in the future, and then what kind of emotion does have? Everyone? Fear, right?

When I think about the future, I will feel fear, "Oh, it's over, it's over, I'm so unsuccessful, I will definitely mess up next time I go on the court." So, what will his future behavior trends be likely to go? It is easy to move towards social avoidance and social withdrawal, right? You can reason about it by thinking this way.

So what is the fourth emotion? If I say, if I can’t do it, I happen to be seen by others, what kind of emotions will it easily arise at this time? Shame, is right? He will feel "Oh, it's over, it's over, it's ugly, it's shameless to see people." So after a sense of shame and after a sense of shame, what will it be next in the behavior pattern? Social avoidance and withdrawal.

is good, so what is the fifth one? The fifth type is to find out, "Oh, oh, it turns out that I can't do it, but I'm highly expected by a family, parents, and society. So what should I do at this time?" I obviously can't do it, but they still have high expectations for me. What kind of emotions do people easily have at this time? It's just guilt, "Oh, I'm sorry for them, I let them down, I shouldn't have eaten these foods, I'm in vain." What will you go next in this way? In the end, he will become depressed again because he keeps attacking himself and feels that he is not worthy of living.

OK, then I just introduced five emotions. The above five emotions basically agree with the emotional feelings and reaction tendencies brought by your failure. But what if you don’t accept it? What happens if you don’t agree? In fact, most of us are dissatisfied, so what if we don’t agree?

Everyone thinks that you find that you are not good, and then you are not convinced. You must want to fight, right? Instinctively, you want to fight, so the emotions you have when you want to fight, right, that's right. You said it very well, you are angry, hey, you will be angry at this time.Then there is a proper term in psychology called "narcissistic and fury". You said this "BOOM..." and it exploded. How great is this anger? Right?

So we just said that emotionally is angry , so what is his way of confrontation? Right? He was not convinced and wanted to fight. There are two main ways to confront , one is called "compensation" and the other is called "split" . I'll tell you separately later.

Narcissistic and angry

But although these two ways of confrontation are constructive and destructive. Although the methods are different, their purposes are all the same. What are they for? Retrieve your lost sense of superiority. Remember, it’s all for regaining your lost sense of superiority.

So what is the difference between them? In one sentence, I will summarize the biggest difference between them: , this "compensation" is to resist in the form of compensation. He compares himself and then regains his sense of superiority. In other words, it is to compare yourself with the failed self in the past and regain your sense of superiority. So what about "split"? Split is to compare with others and then regain your own lost sense of superiority.

So I would like to talk about compensation and splitting in a little detail next. Let’s look at compensation first. As I said just now, compensation is to compare with the one who is different from the past, and then regain the sense of superiority, right? Then he felt a little excited and said, as if he was holding it in his arms, "Hmph, wait and see, you can watch it, I must do it." Right? I want to prove to the world with practical actions. Then he will work harder in his behavior. What should he do? Trying to turn his weakness into his strengths, so I call it constructive resistance.

Just now, I saw that a friend had mentioned in that barrage. Adler wrote a book "Inferiority and Transcendence". Yes, Adler wrote "Inferiority and Transcendence", so what is the way he is in this book? In fact, he is using compensation to surpass his own failures in the past.

Of course, to say that, you can see that from the perspective of our image dialogue, compensation is still constructive resistance, which is better than other methods, but it cannot solve the fundamental problem. Why? Because what he compensates him is only the bad self in the past and the bad self in the past. He can surpass the bad self-esteem, but he cannot surpass the inferiority complex. Why?

Let me tell you two points. The first point is, you see, if you use compensation, and then work hard on your shortcomings, you must prove it to the whole world. For example, when I used to be incomplete, I have to practice everywhere now. After practicing, I may be fine singing, but you think, when a person only focuses on his own shortcomings and only focuses on this point, his whole life revolves around his shortcomings. Do you understand? Because life is particularly limited, do you know? If you can be economically free and experience free, you only have a little time. You spend all this time making up for those shortcomings and shortcomings. Oh, I think it's quite unfair, right?

Because this seems to be alive, I say it's a little exaggerated. I imagine if I say I want to do this, then living is like avenging shame. Living is for avenging shame. It's not a pity for a good life, right? I still have so many talent that I haven't discovered, and I still have so many advantages. Why do I have to avoid my weaknesses for the rest of my life? Are you not trying to be careless?

So this is the first point I said that why can’t you surpass inferiority, then why can’t you surpass inferiority? Actually, I want to say the second point, that is, everyone should remember, just look, I feel that I am not sound-full in my heart, and I have a sense of inferiority towards me, right? There is a bad guy. After my hard work, I also saw the world. Outside me is a dazzling shell, and I have changed. But you will feel in your heart that "I've become better."

Everyone understands it, "I've become better", what does it mean? You will find that this is like an doll . Do you know Russian dolls? There is a baby, and there is a baby inside. You think it means he is wearing a shining golden armor, a very superior armor, but what is its core? It's still the bad kid of inferiority complex, right? OK, let's not talk about Adler. What I just introduced to you is that the first way of resistance is also a relatively constructive way called "compensation".

Then next, I want to talk to you about another kind of thing, that is, I say I call it a "destructive way", which is called "split". The split "Ka..." is split and the two polar opposites. I just talked about this split, and the compensation is to compare yourself with the bad self in the past, and then regain your sense of superiority; so the split is to compare yourself with others outside, and then regain your sense of superiority.

PhD in psychology, Golden Image Dialogue Psychologist Cao Yu

Remember, this split is the focus of today, the top priority, why? Because everyone has done it. And it is a very important reason that destroys our happiness in life. It is precisely because everyone has done it and everyone wants to be happy, so I think I hope everyone can listen to this next part carefully.

What does "split" mean in the first place? The division related to inferiority is definitely divided into "respect" and "lower", right? Exalted and inferior. Where is the honor? Alas, what would happen if my heart was divided into superiority and inferiority, and I compete with others with high and lowness and regain my sense of superiority? Think about it, hey, by the way, I must have pushed this humbleness to others and left the honor to myself, right? This is called "projection" in psychology.

What do you think of him? I am better than you, I am more beautiful than you, I am smarter than you, I am kinder than you, I am nobler than you, right? I am more popular than you, what do you think he always needs to do? It is always necessary to step under him, and then he can regain his sense of superiority. Think about it, think about it, use common sense to think about the relationship of such a person. Relationships won't be better, right?

is especially miserable in intimate relationships. You can hide from others. Intimate relationships, Oh my god, there is no place to hide. I will share a joke with you at the end of the Easter Egg, and I won’t talk about this for now. OK, I just went back to what we were talking about splitting, right?

split is to divide it into honor and inferiority, and then give it to others and leave it to yourself. When I step on others' heads, I suddenly feel that I am honored. Think about it, how is this behavioral trend? What will he inevitably go? Going towards the "interpersonal bullying" model. Do you know the bullying? Bullying people. Interpersonal bullying mode. Why? Because if I don’t step on others, I will not be able to regain my sense of superiority. So what should I do?

So I have to find the weaker ones who are weaker than myself to bully them, or find someone who can tolerate me the most to bully them. Remember, what you are looking for is not necessarily a weaker person who is weaker than you. Usually, we are looking for the person who loves me the most and tolerates us the most. Because you bully them, you have no consequences, do you understand?

People say that a rabbit is anxious and biting people. If you bully a rabbit, maybe it will bite it backwards, right? But if you want to bully the person who can tolerate you the most, you basically have no consequences. There is a saying that I think is particularly good, that is, if the consequences of your mistakes are borne by others, it is easy to make mistakes, and it is easier to continue making mistakes. Is right? Everyone can understand.

OK, then everyone has begun to find a little bit of feeling. I think about it, right? Are we doing the same around us? In fact, everyone is doing what I am talking about today, including ourselves, so I think this is so important for this charity live broadcast. It is important because it will be helpful to each of us.We will have an awareness of ourselves, just like a demon-looking mirror. Can we really see what a demon is and what is good? Right? Otherwise, we often have the opposite. If we have good words, we will become demons; if we have regarded demons, we will regard demons as good words.

Common manifestations of interpersonal bullying mode?

OK, let’s not talk about nonsense, let me talk about the seven common manifestations of this interpersonal bullying mode . Everyone is welcome to get the account in mind. These are all listed based on what I have done. OK, so if you see that you are the same as you, or which one is similar to you, I hope you don’t get narcissistic and angry. Tell him, "Oh, she has done all this in this lecturer, otherwise he won’t remember it, right?"

OK, I will recite these seven points to you. The first point of is to belittle and humiliate his self-esteem. What is the best effect? Let him make a fool of himself in public, , then I have a great sense of superiority, right?

Then The second type, if he does something, I try my best to criticize him and criticize him. I magnify any of his mistakes and make him feel, Oh, I am really useless, I can't do anything, I am really incompetent. is good, the second type.

The third common thing is manifested in emotions, that is, I have to try every means to make him feel that he is despised. For example, I can dislike him, right? If others don’t dislike him, I can’t dislike him. I make him feel disliked by others. In this way, I will have a feeling of, hum, I am more popular, I am more superior, right? There are also many emotions, such bullying.

Then the fourth type, The fourth type is in this appearance, and in this appearance, we can also point out and amplify its unbeautifulness. I remember watching that Audrey Hepburn , and Audrey Hepburn said she was very inferior. Audrey Hepburn said, "Oh, I think my face looks particularly ugly." I said, "Oh my Goddess, how can we live?" Alas, this is really the feeling. So you see that such a beautiful person has her flaws, right? Although I don't know what Audrey Hepburn's flaw is, Audrey Hepburn must know. Then, if we understand him, we will point out the person, not only pointing out, but just pointing out the point is useless, but what should we also magnify him? Amplify his flaws and amplify his unbeautifulness. In this way, if he feels ashamed of himself, hey, then I will regain my sense of superiority, right?

Then the fifth common one, What is the fifth common one? It is in terms of origin, class, family background, I can belittle his family, his social class, and even the place of birth. You are from Henan, old xx in Henan, you are from wherever you are. You are too bad, there will be bandits, thieves, and liars, right? You see, even the place of birth can be belittled. In short, you have to belittle his origin and make him feel, Oh, I am a inferior person. Hey, if he is a inferior person, then we are the superior person in comparison, right?

Then The sixth type is very common, which is physical strength. If you are physically stronger than anyone else, hey, you can hit him, right? Make him unable to resist or dare not resist and surrender to you, and then you feel that you are very strong. For example, if someone like me, I think I can at least hit my son, right? I can hit my son. When I hit my son, I feel strong. Others can't beat him, right? What are the common points of

and ? It's in the mind. Alas, I just said that he was devaluing him physically, but now he was devaluing him mentally. You must make him feel that you know what is good and what is bad, and you don’t know anything.So what should you do if you want to be right? You have to listen to me, and the standard for listening to me is me, right? The seven types I listed above

are very, very, very common. I see that everyone’s feedback is indeed the case. We will find that this bullying pattern appears nakedly in intimate relationships than ever, right? Parents are on children, right? Between husband and wife, when the parents get old, the children are facing their parents, and then between brothers and sisters, in short, what are the common situations in these seven modes? It is common to see that every family has it, everyone has done it, right? OK, this is the split, let’s stop here first.

Results I was particularly gentle to Lao Zhu today. I suddenly realized my bullying pattern towards him, and I said, "Oh, I want to be kind to you." I was kind to him today.

Bully mode group effect

Let me talk about it next, which is what I just talked about about the bullying pattern between people and individuals, and this is division. split will bring bullying mode . Remember, the bullying mode brought by division.

Then what will happen if it is not among individuals, it manifests among groups? OK, let me tell you about the group effect brought by this division of bullying model.

I will describe it to you in one sentence, and then listen to it and find out what feeling is. The feeling was like saying, "Hmph, we are noble, you are lowly, so we should have more rights than you, and we are unequal." So what is this called in this group? Everyone? Racial discrimination, right? Inequality between race and race, group and group.

For example, there are many kinds of inequality, such as, "Hmph, you have no judgment, so you have to obey the standards we set." Right? "You should obey us, listen to us, and live with our standards of good and evil, because you have no judgment, you are inferior." Right? This is also the inequality of rights.

So what I just said is called discrimination, right? There are many racial discrimination, regional discrimination, discrimination between groups, and class and class discrimination. This is what I just said about light bullying. Why is it said that light is light? It's just inequality, it's common, right? Just now, everyone also saw that we bullied our family, right? The person you love the most may be the one who is bullied the most by us, right? Of course, the person who loves us the most has bullied us. Anyway, the world is like a crow. Everyone is like this when they are confused and unconsciously.

OK, I'm going to go back to the group effect of bullying. I just said that if the lightest thing is just inequality, then he will discriminate, discrimination between groups. So if it develops to an extreme state, it is not inequality, what will the extreme become? It turned into genocide, why? It feels like saying, "Hmph, only we are worthy of living on this earth to enjoy these resources, you are not worthy of it. You are alive now, you are eating, drinking, defecating, and urinating, is a waste of our resources and polluting our earth, so you are pests, so you should all be destroyed."

So when you think about it this way, do you understand? Understand that Nazism, understanding genocide, right? You find that it is not difficult to understand, it is actually human nature. Then he was in a group, a group of people with this model, based on division, and then chose this bullying model, a group of people with this model. When he is a group of such people, with similar scents and his strength is strong enough, racial discrimination and genocide will inevitably occur. All right?

Now that I have said this, I suddenly remembered one. Let me tell you a little little knowledge, it’s quite fun.Because I just saw everyone talking about Western culture and America, I suddenly remembered that I had lived with foreigners for a long time, and went to live with them, and then went deep into their culture. It was not about meeting them and traveling, so I had a lot of feelings for them and learned a lot of things.

I just knew to say that in Western culture, I now want to talk about the "scapegoat" in Western culture. They are called "scapegoat"! This scapegoat has existed in that Christian tradition, and it has always existed. So what I am talking about now is not scapegoat, not this scapegoat. What am I going to say? I discovered that if I learned a little, I would find that English is also a scapegoat in the English sayings, but it is particularly fun. It is not called "scapegoat", scapegoat is just a scapegoat. But what does it mean in this common saying? It is called "whipping boy", which is the boy who whipped the whip, the little boy who was whipped.

So where does this come from? It originated from the 16th century. If you remember correctly, it should be the 16th century. It seems that there was such a position in the British palace, and it seemed like there was such a position. It was like setting up eunuchs and palace maids. They set up such a position, called whipping boy. What to do? It is that he is dedicated to being a little prince. If he acts misbehaving, it will insult the royal family's sense of dignity. Then the whipping boy took it out and was whipped for the prince. After the whipping boy was whipped, the little prince could continue to have his sense of superiority and continue to pretend to be his dignity. So you see this is quite fun, and I immediately thought of this little joke. OK OK OK OK Then let’s get back to the topic, I won’t go too far.

I just said that if we use splitting, it will destructively fight, and then it will bring a lot of problems. So what is its problem? In addition to what I just said, it not only destroys the harmony and friendship of this interpersonal relationship, but more importantly, it is wasted because it cannot eliminate inferiority complex.

You see this I think it's really, I think it's really stupid to use this method, why? If you disrupt the relationship, if you can really eliminate inferiority complex, that's OK. This is called stupid and stupid, do you know? Because he destroyed interpersonal relationships in vain, but he still couldn't eliminate inferiority complex. Why? Because the inferiority complex did not disappear, he was just placed on others' heads, seen and felt by himself, and did not disappear. Is that true?

It’s like I was very dissatisfied with myself. I took a mirror and looked at it. I looked at my face in the mirror. I still felt uncomfortable when I saw that face. But when I looked in the mirror, I knew it was me, and they projected the mirror to another. So everyone think about it, so, this cannot disappear, and he feels very uncomfortable.

Because of this reason, these people who pretend to be superior are particularly shameful. Do you know what others are bad and what others exist? I don't know, did I explain it clearly? The "others" I mean are those projecting objects that they project inferiority complex. He can't stand them and want to "Oh, these people are so bad." He wants to completely eliminate him. Why completely eliminate it? Because as soon as he saw them, his inner inferiority came out and it was very painful. So they thought, "Oh, then I'll smash the mirror quickly, I won't look at my face again." Right? So everyone understands that it is just a waste of time and destroying relationships in vain. No one gets any benefit, including himself, this is stupid and stupid.

Actually, everyone remembers that A sense of inferiority complex, the object of projection is actually the self deep in our hearts. OK, I hope everyone remembers this. What time is it now? We have already talked about the sixth emotion, right? The sixth emotion is narcissistic and fury. Let’s talk about the seventh emotion, jealousy .Jealousy is actually closely related to inferiority complex, and I wish I could be a bit as ordinary as breathing. But everyone is not willing to talk about this issue. Teacher Cao doesn’t know the importance of it, so he just talks about it anyway.

is good, so how can jealousy arise? Jealousy is actually if I find out that I can’t do it, I’m lost, and then I’m dissatisfied, and then I’m narcissistic and anger. Then this narcissistic and anger is because I’m so angry with myself. I feel so uncomfortable, so I point to the person who is better than me, and I think, “Since you have Yu, why are you Liang?” Right? Would I be like this without you? Is this feeling? So jealousy arises at this time.

So think about it, in this kind of way, let’s use human nature to guess it. Yes, I don’t want others to be better than me, that’s right. You see, so you see, our instinctive reactions, once jealousy comes out, we will instinctively have two behaviors, and we want to do two things. The first thing is that I want to destroy the person better than me, right? Because he is my strong enemy, he is my strong enemy, a powerful opponent, I want to destroy him. What is the second thing? I'm going to take away the good he has.

I will say it again, These are two things. On the one hand, after jealousy arises, on the other hand, I want to destroy this strong enemy and this opponent who is superior to me; on the other hand, I also want to take away what this person has and what he has.

Let me tell you some of these internal languages, listen to it and find out what you feel. For example, "Hmph, isn't it just a little stinky money? Ah, this middle-aged greasy and wretched man tricked my girlfriend away. Humph, if you catch you one day, you will be honest." Right? It's reasonable to be jealous of him.

By the way, I'll tell you that I've seen many people say that they have never been jealous. There is one possibility that I have never been jealous, and there is one possibility that I am too unwilling to allow myself to be jealous. In fact, jealousy is a common human nature, and some jealousy belongs to a person with self-esteem, so they will inevitably become jealous. For example, if my partner is going with others, then if I have a sense of self-esteem, I will be jealous. This jealousy is reasonable. I am talking about the jealousy now, so I tell you that no matter how jealousy is, jealousy is not necessarily all bad, it is all unreasonable. The topic of

is too far-reaching. I'll come back first, I'll come back, come back. I'll ask everyone to listen to it again. For example, when you hear this sentence, "Hmph, look at him being arrogant, isn't it just that a husband spoiled her? Ah? Show your love and die quickly." Right? Everyone listen to this very common, or say, "Hmph, don't you only study for two days and break the book? Ah? What kind of stuff? If you have the ability, let's do it together. Let's see how I will kill you." Right? You will experience these subtle psychology like this, right? Everyone?

In fact, everyone is born a psychologist. If we are brave and truthfully contact our emotions, look at our hearts, look at your inner emotions, and then look at your inner thoughts, everyone is a psychologist.

PhD in psychology, Golden Image Dialogue Psychologist Cao Yu

OK, I'll come back. So we just mentioned that when jealousy arises, we instinctively want to do two things, one is to destroy our strong enemy, and the other is to take away his goodness. Then these two reactions are often even sometimes together, sometimes only one walks, and sometimes together. Where are the most common manifestations of these behavioral responses? In life, in love and fame, right? Love and Vanity Fair are the most common.

So for example, let’s talk about the first type first, which is to destroy my strong enemies. There are some of them that I can’t destroy him, I can damage him, right? To harm him, for example, I can belittle him in reputation, right? Humiliated him in self-esteem, and then made up some lies to splash him with dirty water, so that everyone could look down on him; I could also crush him psychologically and then suppress him; I might also torture him physically and destroy him.

Everyone knows that there is a kind of sexual perversion, which is called sexual perversion, which is called sexual masochism. Then the sadistic party will be physically, during sexual activities, and then desperately add the insult to the physical and personalities, such torture and destruction. Then, what about the sexual abuse party? We call it a psychological problem. Do you know? Don’t discriminate against such people. Everyone is a product of trauma, do you know? So because they had suffered some kind of trauma before, they felt, "Ah, I enjoyed this torture, this is what I want." Do you know? In fact, each of us is healthy at the beginning. After trauma, we begin to become a little distorted, which is very serious, exceeding our tolerance level. We all call it perverted. All right?

OK, then I'll go back here. Then I just said, "Look, if I torture and destroy it physically, everyone knows this." For example, in life, everyone knows that jealousy throws sulfuric acid on other people's love rivals and destroys their faces, right? Then there are many people who hire murderers because they are jealous, right? And then at the group level, there are many people who can start wars because of jealousy.

For example, some countries, for example, have already stood in an advantageous position. If he is jealous of the rise of latecomers, he is jealous of the rise of latecomers, and then he adds fear, jealous of OnePlus, what will he do? He will kill the second child, right? He will kill the second child. I don’t want to blackmail the United States now, I want to explain to everyone, I want to wash the United States, I want to tell him that if it’s not an American, you must be bad, you know. This is their cultural trauma, why? Everyone knows the West. Look at Freud's earliest psychoanalysis. What is the plot he called? It's called "Oedipus plot". What is the basic plot of Oedipus? It is that the king wants to kill his son. In the end, the son kills the king and then destroys his father, right? Look at my father. What they often do in the West is that the eldest brother wants to kill the second brother, just like the father wants to kill the prince, which is basically that.

so it's quite sad. To be honest, sometimes I feel particularly sad. I really think, hey, there are so many things. If everyone understands it, they will understand it. Many things really don’t need to happen. Everyone has their own trauma, which is their Western national trauma. So you see, scapegoats and killing the second child, they are all done by them in the West, including the Nazis, and genocide. Why? That's it. Our Eastern culture also has its own problems. I didn’t say we have no problems, we also have our own problems, but we are not mainly using this kind of division. All right.

Then I will go back to what I said. I just mentioned that after being jealous, we must destroy opponents who are stronger than us, and on the other hand, we must take away what he has. For example, if you take away his money, take away his rights, take away his reputation, take away his beauty, take away his feelings, and even take away his good object. This psychological person, a person who plays psychology knows to take away his good object, and you will ignore my sentence for others.

So let me give you an example, for example, you see that there is Snow White’s stepmother in the myth, right? Is Snow White’s stepmother? That’s how Snow White’s stepmother is, right? Also, for example, there are also some in history. I don’t always say that people’s Western things are bad. I’m talking about Chinese things. For example, we all know the Art of War, right? What does Sun Bin mean? It means digging the kneecap and being tortured, right? Who did it? In fact, he has a brother named Pang Juan. The two of them were originally as close as brothers. Then, Sun Bin is a little better than Pang Juan, and Pang Juan is also great.

Then, Pang Juan served the King of Wei and was very appreciated by the King of Wei. Then Pang Juan introduced Sun Bin to the King of Wei. As a result, after Sun Bin came, wow! Even more favored than Pang Juan, so Pang Juan became jealous. What should I do? Just make slander.Finally, "Don't forget, I give you your rights and status, and I give you your love. I can give it to you now, and I can get it back."

So, so what if I do this? Let’s look at Sun Bin’s last one. All he got was lost. His goodness was actually taken away by Pang Juan. Finally, he pretended to be crazy and stupid and came back to save his life.

Oh, I think I will talk about this part first. When it comes to this, we are actually quite heavy in our hearts, right? Then everyone may feel uncomfortable because they talk about these darkest places in the depths of human nature, including each of us.

So in fact, people who talk about these things one by one are like crows' mouths, which will actually cause everyone's anxiety, then feel uncomfortable, and then anger. Right? OK, so I hope everyone doesn’t smash me, if you want to smash it, you can smash the flowers.

Then I will talk about the fifth part below, which is inferiority complex. If we already have inferiority complex, then what is the antidote to inferiority complex? I just said nonsense, what does it mean if we have inferiority complex, and everyone has inferiority complex, right? Let’s talk about why everyone has it.

What is the antidote to our image dialogue? We call it "transformation and transcendence". When I talk about transcendence, do you think about it again? Some friends just mentioned Adler's "Inferiority and Transcendence", right?

Then I have summarized a general principle, which is called "not rejecting" and "two turns", in fact, it is just two things, two things, not . This is not rejecting or accepting, and not rejecting means not rejecting, and not accepting means not confrontation, and not accepting means not agreeing, and I don’t agree or not. All right? My inferiority complex came, and I neither said, "Ah, I am really bad." I also said, "I don't agree, who said I am bad." I just didn't fight, and then I didn't agree. This is called "no rejection or acceptance". What does it mean when you look at it? It is to observe, look, look at, look at, and look at what inferiority is, and then how inferiority arises. If I understand it, I will transform it. If I change it, I will transform it. I will not refuse or accept it. I will look at it and turn it on again. This is a general principle.

is good, so today, I'm afraid we don't have time to talk about the psychology methods later. Then I want to tell you about the previous ones. The above are about the people in our daily life. We have a job and don’t learn psychology, and we don’t have time to learn. So what can we do? What I try to tell these partners. Alas, yes, thank you, help me hit this. OK, thank you everyone. OK, so although I have summarized eight words in this general principle, in fact, in more common terms, two do not do, two do not do. What should I not do? As I said just now, I just don’t agree or resist.

is good. First of all, why can’t we agree with the feeling of inferiority complex? Why can’t we agree with it? Everyone remember that at the beginning I told you that you should understand this inferiority complex. I have listed four points for inferiority complex. Do you still remember it? Do you remember listing 4 points?

The first point is subjective feelings, which may not match reality, right? right. What is the second point? It is generalized, it is generalized by a single leaf, and it is blinded by the eyes and cannot see Mount Tai. It equals the whole person to that shortcoming, generalized. What is the third point? It is a gap caused by comparison, right? What is the fourth point? The fourth point is my one-on-one evaluation, and I feel disgusted with it. So he has a lot of different internal me, and then they fight every day, I and I fight every day.

OK. Everyone has learned well, so I will come back here, which is the biggest reason why I don’t agree with the feeling of inferiority complex.Everyone knows that this inferiority complex itself is an illusion and delusion, it is an exaggeration and falsehood. It is essentially an illusion, right? It is magnified, it is unreal, it does not see, it does not really see the person, and it does not see reality. It neither sees itself nor external reality, but in fact it has no sense of reality. Strictly speaking, it is no different from schizophrenia.

But why don’t we feel that people with inferiority complex are mentally ill? Just because this is an hallucination that everyone has, and then a bunch of madmen, we said to each other, "Oh, this is normal." Everyone understands it. But it is essentially an illusion, well, it is just because we are all crazy, and we don't call it an illusion. The hallucinations of those few people are called hallucinations by us, and then these people who are different from our hallucinations are defined as madmen. All right?

OK, then I will tell you the second question. We just said why don’t you agree or feel inferior? Let me tell you now why we should not resist inferiority complex?

Before this, I also told you that there are two most commonly used ways to resist inferiority. One is constructive, called compensation, and the other is destructive, called splitting. The splitting just now, oh, we have talked a lot, so I won’t go into details. But why can't compensation be used? I actually said a little bit just now.

Overall, no matter whether it is split or compensated, or any other way, as long as you resist, you will fall into a trap. What trap? When you resist this thing, this fake is taken as real and the fake is done.

Let me give you an example, everyone will feel it. For example, if you have not committed a sin, and once you spend your whole life redeeming that sin, will this sin become true? In the end, others believe it, and you believe it yourself, right? What kind of people need to spend their whole life atonement? Of course, it is a sinful person. So we see that this is the compensation. Even if it is constructive compensation, isn’t compensation just spending a lifetime making up for one’s shortcomings into strengths?

But that shortcoming is basically an illusion. I just talked to you about it, it is simply an illusion. Wouldn’t you surpass this illusion to surpass your inferiority complex? Originally, it is an illusion. You just need to poke a bubble. Once this bubble of inferiority is broken, will it surpass it? You take this bubble seriously. You say you catch a stick as a needle, and then chase a bubble all your life. You say you are resisting on the surface, but you don’t agree. In fact, do you think this is a trap? I still agree, right? I was deceived, stupid, but I actually agreed. This is why we must not resist. Once we resist, the fake will become real. Inferiority will become real.

PhD in psychology, Golden Image Dialogue Psychologist Cao Yu

Let me give you another example. For example, I think of my ex-boyfriend every day, and then I say every day, no, no, I can't miss my ex-boyfriend, I miss my ex-boyfriend, I am a married woman now, when I think of my ex-boyfriend, I think I am too bad and morally corrupt. So what to do? If I want to regain my sense of superiority, I have to work hard to forget it every day. Then I set an alarm clock and set the ringtone to one sentence. I have forgotten him, I have forgotten him, I have forgotten him, I have forgotten him... What do you think of this method? So remember why don’t you resist? Because of resistance, this fake becomes real.

Let me summarize it again, it just doesn’t do two things. I haven’t talked about two things yet, I said I don’t do two things, and summarize the principle of not doing two things. The first point, you agree with and resist, is essentially taking the hallucination of inferiority complex . I say it again, identity and resistance are both taking the hallucination of inferiority complex seriously. OK, this is the first point. The second point, recognition and resistance are dedicated to your wonderful life to your little, worst, and darkest, and to your shortcomings. Then your limited life experience, all the previous... you are all ruined, you are ruined, you are ruined, you may be realized in your life. So what is it equivalent? It's equivalent to castrating yourself by wielding a knife, it's equivalent to castrating yourself. It's cut yourself. Oh, it's so miserable. Yes, it's a pity, this is my feeling.

"Two Doings"

So I will talk to you about the principle of "two Doings". I just said that I just said "two Doings". What is it? Don’t agree or resist, right? Don't do it either. What should I do next? Because you just let everyone not do it, then what should I do if I don’t do it? What will I tell you to do? Do two things. The first thing is to "look". You can turn it again after you understand it, so I asked to turn it once and forth.

Because of this, I don’t think I can explain it clearly to everyone at once, and there is too much content tonight. So, I have extracted some of them for everyone, just like tricks. What do you think?

I have summarized eight words, called "Observe truthfully and discover cause and effect" , "Observe truthfully and discover cause and effect". For example, if you look at yourself truthfully and look at yourself truthfully, then look at what will I do after I feel inferior? What did this do, and what consequences did it bring to me in the end? Then you will observe that there are some rules.

You find that, hey, when my inferiority comes out, I will have this emotion in this situation. Then this emotion appears, and I will deal with it like this, and this result will occur in the future. Then in another situation, when I feel inferior, I manifest it as such an emotion, another emotion, and this emotion will trigger such behavior, such behavior will then bring about such results. Gradually you will see a chain of cause and effect. This is called "observe truthfully and discover cause and effect."

and then "turn"? Turn, today I don’t plan to tell you, because this must involve very academic things. I won’t tell you now, and I don’t want to use everyone like cramming. You are very happy now, and you will vomit when you go back, right? That would be boring.

Then I will share eight words with you, that is, how to turn it? Didn’t you just say that you saw cause and effect? Right?

After reading it, I saw the cause and effect. How can I turn it? "Convert on the fruit, surpassing on the cause" , "Convert on the fruit, surpassing on the cause". If you have time, I can give you a very small example. If you don’t have time, forget it.

Let me talk to you below, what do we want to see and what do we want to see? I just said that, this truthful observation reveals cause and effect. We need to see what inferiority complex is? We need to look at two questions. First, what is inferiority complex? Second, we need to see why it is? Everyone remember that if you want to transform and surpass anything, you must understand, at least two things, first, what is it? Second, why? how come? Then where will you go in the future? Wherever you go in the future, if you don’t, you can stop watching it. At least what and why should you see?

OK, so what about this? I think if you are tired of listening, you can take a break, because this is what I guess some people, and some people may sound a little brain-burning, then forget it, you will get off get out of class, don’t stay here, you can go to the bathroom a little, release it, etc.

OK, let me share it with you. This is what I have summarized so far. How does inferiority complex occur? It may also take two years, if Teacher Cao makes progress and makes progress, he may say it differently. I have summarized what I am talking about now. One is inferiority complex. How does inferiority complex arise?

How does inferiority complex come about?

How does inferiority complex come about? One is the surface reason and the other is the deep reason. What is the reason for the

surface layer? Just now, everyone already knew that it was a psychological gap caused by comparison. Is right? There is no harm without comparison, whether it is to compare with the perfect inner self, the right self, or the very outstanding external person. Therefore, the surface layer is a psychological gap caused by comparison, which is the surface layer.

So what is the deep reason? This is what I want to share with you the most next time, but I guess it is also the most difficult to accept. I just said that if it really doesn’t work, don’t smash eggs. If it really doesn’t work, don’t even smash flowers. Just avoid them.

What is the reason why I say deep? I said he was because it was a arrogant fantasy, so it was doomed to be destroyed. Because it is just a soap bubble, arrogance is doomed to be shattered, this is the real deep reason for the emergence of inferiority complex.

Then I will talk to you about my current classification system. I have indeed thought about publishing books before, but I was lazy and didn’t write books. I just thought that if I die one day, I will not have this book and have not shared it with others. It would be a pity. Only Lao Zhu has heard of it. So I think I will share my content with you in this charity lecture. This is a result and a thought that I have been developing for many years.

Inner sexual inferiority, I gave it a psychological term called primary inferiority. What is primary? It’s the first original or original one, do you understand? The original means the original inferiority complex. The virus that comes with the seeds is called the original, the primary inferiority complex.

So, because it comes from the seed, it is internal, just like this seed has this virus, and if the seed grows out, it will be inferior. Then it is destined, it is unconditional inferiority. I call it unconditional inferiority. Those who don’t play psychology, don’t care about conditions, unconditionality; those who play psychology, you know, this kind of internal inferiority is also called primary inferiority, but in fact it is an unconditional inferiority.

OK, let me talk about it, see if I can explain it clearly. First of all, I want to tell you a word called "narcissism". Narcissism, love, one's own self, narcissism. This narcissism, to ordinary people, "Oh, this person is really narcissistic." This does not mean this, this is a psychological term.

What I am talking about now actually refers to this narcissism in psychological terms. What does it mean? Remember, in words that ordinary people can understand in daily life, it is an innate self-centered primitive instinct that everyone is born with. I'll say it again. This is explained in my words. It is called it an innate self-centered primitive instinct that everyone is born with.

Then this primitive instinct, this primitive instinct is a selfish instinct, to put it bluntly. This original instinct will have three needs, and it will hope that these three needs will be 100% proved at every time and place. What I want to say now is this. I will say it again. It is this original narcissistic instinct. It has three needs. Then it not only has this need, but it also expects 100% response and proved every time and every place.

So what are these three basic needs? Listen well, everyone. The first is that I am here. What is there is no, I am there. The second one is me. The third one is that I am important. "I'm here, I'm well, I'm important", these three are the innate narcissistic instincts that everyone is innate. . Yes, I'm here, I'm okay, I'm important, thank you for the blue sky and white clouds. Well, everyone think about it, is this true?

For example, if you are in the same place and you have been ignored for too long, you can't wait to feel, "Ah, you don't have me in your eyes." When everyone is angry, someone says, "Ah, why don't you have me in your eyes?" Because it destroys your feeling of me, do you know?

I'm OK, there's no need to say this. Didn’t Adler say that he pursues superiority? Adler said that pursuing superiority is an innate need for everyone, right? Although he didn't talk about why this needs to be done, he only talked about this phenomenon, but I think it's already very awesome. Then I stood on Adler's shoulder and walked forward a little more, and I just found out, oh, it turns out that this is three contents of the original instinct of narcissism: I'm here, I'm okay, I'm important. And I'm what Adler said, everyone needs to pursue a sense of self-superiority.

PhD in psychology, Golden Image Dialogue Psychologist Cao Yu

And there is another one that is, I am important, what does I mean? What I matter is that when I am with other people, the resources are insufficient again, right? For example, we are all mothers' children, and we should all eat breasts, but mothers only have one breast, and can only hold one child. Who is the one who takes it? I hold it, why? There is only one that should belong to me, why? Because I'm important.

So remember, these are the three original instincts of narcissism. I am here, I am well, I am important. You will take a look and you will find that all our pain seems to be related to these three, right? If you can’t get what you want, including getting and losing, you can see if it’s all related to this? Are you all in this place when you fall in love with the one you dearest? You will find that this is like a condom in your life, as if we have been wandering around here all our lives and have never been out. This is the basic need for our three major narcissisms.

OK, and then I will talk about the third point, just like our original instinctive narcissism, and then it has three major needs. Narcissism expresses itself according to three major needs. After it is expressed, it will default and it has an expectation for the world. Remember, it’s okay if it doesn’t look forward to it. In fact, it’s looking forward to it. It should be looking forward to the world. I just said that 100% of it will satisfy it unconditionally every time.

I just said why is it unconditional inferiority? Just because of this need that is destined to be unsatisfied, you have to expect to be satisfied unconditionally. Do you understand? So now can you understand a little bit? What I just mentioned is actually that its essence is a kind of arrogance fantasy. Why are there any gaps between us? Because we expect that shouldn't be like this, right?

You should not expect this, because you think too high and you think too beautifully. So think about it, narcissism itself leads to it. You see, narcissism has three major needs, and then it also defaults that the world should be unconditional and meets its three major needs 100% every moment. Then, think about it, are you destined to be frustrated? He is destined to be defeated and falls down, so this setback will inevitably lead to his inferiority, so this is destined to be inferior. Therefore, I say this is called unconditional arrogance, unconditional narcissistic demand, which is doomed to unconditional inferiority.

is good, so in other words, what is actually inferiority complex? Inferiority is the reflection of arrogance. Everyone knows the shadow, the reflection. Inferiority is the reflection of arrogance, and whether it is inferiority or arrogance, its basic energy comes from the primitive self-centered instinct I just mentioned. And this is the seed of our human beings, this is called me, this is the virus program that comes with me innately. Think about it, if a seed is born with a viral program, what will happen after birth? Will it happen? Everyone? Will it occur after birth? Yes, it is destined to have an attack after birth, and it will also have troubles. Remember it everyone.

The psychology education we are receiving now says, "Oh, why do I feel inferior? Because my mother belittled me when she was a child." Right? "Because everyone is looking forward to me when I was born, our family is looking forward to me. I am a girl, and then my grandma doesn't look at me at all, and then I feel inferior."

Everyone will find an object in reality to blame and a person in reality to blame, but in fact this is not wrong, this is not wrong. You see psychology proves that this is indeed the case. But what I want to share with you today is that I think I may have made a little contribution to this psychology, which is exactly at this point. I think behind that is just talking about which one caused it to attack, and then it became implicitly explicit. Do you understand? The most important thing is that what I just said is the deep reason, the arrogance of fantasy is doomed to be shattered. As for when will it be destroyed? At the specific time point, we have to wait until we are born to find fault. OK?

OK, this is the first part, I said. Let me summarize it again. What I just talked about is the deep reason. Then I call the inferiority caused by deep-seated causes internal inferiority, also called primary inferiority. Then its characteristic is that it is an unconditional inferiority complex, inevitable.

OK, then I will talk about it next, the one that just said that has internal factors, right? It also needs external nature. Now everyone can guess what this external nature means, right? Low self-esteem of external nature. The external inferiority complex also corresponds to the primary inferiority complex. I named it secondary inferiority complex, right?

Internal inferiority corresponds to external inferiority, and then primary inferiority corresponds to secondary inferiority. Those who don’t play psychology don’t have to pay attention to their primary and secondary. I, the primary and secondary, talk to people who play psychology. I certainly won't have more terms, remember.

Remember, there is a second kind of inferiority complex, it is relatively superficial, the fault you are looking for, and the "bang" attacks, it will happen after birth. So, external inferiority is also called secondary inferiority. It is different from the one just now. It is inferiority activated by certain conditions in the environment. This snare is here, "bang" is activated, and the virus program is now operating. Yes, find faults. Yes, this one has been found. Therefore, it is an inferiority complex activated by external and external environmental conditions after birth. Therefore, I call it external inferiority complex, also called secondary inferiority complex.

So below I will talk to you about this common environmental condition. I have listed four of them in this, which are very common, and it seems that every family has them too. Everyone just heard this.

The first type everyone knows, right? Parents don’t like their children, and parents don’t like their children. For example, the most common thing is that the child’s gender is not right, it’s not the time to come, right? Is the ranking wrong? Or they look unsatisfactory or have difficulty raising children. In short, there are many reasons why parents don’t like their children, right? Even if this mother doesn’t like her father at all, then she doesn’t like this child, so there are various reasons for this. But what I just mentioned is the first reason, that parents don’t like their children, and this condition will activate this external inferiority complex.

PhD in psychology, Golden Image Dialogue Psychologist Cao Yu

is good. The second common environmental conditions are the opposite of just now. It is because parents like their children too much. Alas, everyone didn't expect this, right? We now have many psychologists who are educating everyone about how to treat their children. Oh, I dare not say it, because I am inferior and I dare not shake the big knife in front of them, but I especially disagree with it. I think I won’t make my children narcissistic personality disorder now? That's what I think.

The reason I would like to say is that if the parents like this child too much, they are destined to place their narcissism on this perfect child. Have I made it clear? Let me tell you, everyone wants to be the darling of parents, and I thought so when I was a child, but I tell you, I'm saying now, my god! Fortunately, there is no, because that will be done, we will die, and it will be even worse, I will tell you. When parents like their children too much, the child becomes all their narcissistic sustenance, and then they expect you to be a perfect child. Think about it, this kind of pressure is too great, right?

Once you agree with this perfect child expectation, we usually agree with it, right? We agree with the bad ones, and we are even more reluctant to let go of the good ones and don’t agree with the good ones. So usually everyone agrees with this perfect kid. After agreeing, you suddenly internalize a perfect Cao Yu standard in your heart. What you internalize is not Cao Yu, what I internalize is Cao Yu, the standard of perfect Cao Yu, and what you internalize is a standard of perfection for yourself.

So do you think about it and remember if I talked to you earlier, and I said that that is narcissism, a kind of inferiority complex. One of the characteristics of inferiority complex is that the higher your standards, the greater your inferiority complex, right? The stronger the light, the darker the shadow, the more arrogant you are, the bigger the balloon you blow, the more miserable it will be when it explodes, right? So parents like their children too much. This is the second common environmental condition. In our era, there are very few children in the era, right? But in the age of only children, this has become the condition for most children to feel inferior. Shenzhen Futian Psychological Counseling

I just mentioned two conditions: one is that parents don’t like their children, and the other is that their parents like their children too much. Let me talk about the third one. The third one is that parents like their children in the past, but later they don’t like them. Have I explained it clearly? Just your parents used to like you, but now they don’t like you anymore. That feeling is like a paradise loss, right? Paradise Lost, because this gap arises suddenly. When I liked you in the past, you thought, "Oh, I'm fine, the world is good, ah, I'm the most favored one." Then, "Bia...", now you don't like you anymore, what do you find out? All of my things were taken away, right?

OK, then I will summarize this pain in a common saying. This kind of inferiority complex is like climbing high and falling crisply. The higher I climbed yesterday, the more crisp and painful I fell today. OK, this is the third type. The third environmental condition is that parents used to like their children, but now they don’t like them.

(Hey, yes, yes, at least I have had a good time, right? I really envy you when you say that.)

OK, let me talk about the fourth type. The fourth common environmental condition is that parents like other children, which can be children of other families, children of other genders, or your brothers and sisters. Anyway, it's not you, do you remember it?

Parents like other children, so what is your existence? Where does your inferiority complex come from? Just you will feel, "My parents obviously have love, but they just don't give it to me, go and give it to him. Oh. Then I am a bad child, he is a good child. Then my existence is to be a black duck, and my existence is to prove that the child is good, favored, and loved, right?"

, right, right, right, Mr. Meng said it is very good, he is used to set off others, right? So in this case, it will also cause inferiority complex. OK, then I just shared with you four types of external inferiority complex and common acquired environmental conditions that are activated. Oh, it’s almost time to look at it.

Finally, I will give you a summary.Yes, yes, I just told you, just look at it and turn it over. You have to look at it first and then turn it over. What I just told you are all about reading it. What is inferiority complex? Why? Well, then this inferiority complex comes, where will it take you? Then what result do you get? So how to transform and transcend it specifically is a big project. We need a very long-term and solid psychological growth and cultivation. It is not only growth, but also a whole cultivation of life, the world, and the ultimate truth. I really don’t have the ability to tell you today.

So I'll summarize it in the end. The so-called first look and second turn is to observe truthfully, discover cause and effect, transform the result, and surpass the cause, OK. OK, actually I will finish what I have prepared for you today.

(I didn't connect it to others, please check it and connect it well. Because there are restrictions on the words that can be sent under the public screen, so there is no one sent to the public screen. But I will see if I can raise my phone and let everyone see it. Is it a bit too much? Because I just knew that there is no way to do this, and I sent it all over it. Then forget it, otherwise I will read it to everyone and take notes by myself. Well, yes, or when replaying, you can post this paragraph under the video that replays. Well, um, then I'll go down first.) Shenzhen Student Inferiority Psychological Counseling

Suggestions

The first feeling of inferiority is coming. Just know that it is coming. If you don't agree or fight it, it will flow automatically. Why? Because the essence of every thought is impermanent, it will arise and die. The first point is that when you come, just know that it is coming, it will be gone.

The second point, the second point sounds a bit like teaching people to learn bad things. The second point is to allow yourself to look down on others and allow others to look down on yourself. All right. Everyone is equal before inferiority, right? So since people with inferiority want to show their superiority, they also need to look down on others. OK, then OK, then I will look down on you quietly. Alas, you can also look down on me quietly. Everyone is even, okay? In fact, being equal and equal in this kind of place will convince you of the sense of superiority. OK, the second point

Let me talk about the third point below. The third point is, take some time, don’t always stare at your black spot, take some time to discover the shining points on yourself and your talents. I tell you not to believe that you have no talent. My son has severe weakness, severe cerebral palsy, quadriplegia, and he also has musical talent. If he had it, I firmly believe that everyone, born with human beings, must have your talent, you just didn't realize it, or you no longer believe it. So the third piece of advice I give you is to spend time discovering your own shining points and talents you don’t know, and then spend time developing your talents, taking action, and letting it begin to realize in your life, OK. OK, this is the third point, the third little suggestion.

The fourth point is the fourth little suggestion. If you still don’t feel satisfied with yourself after doing these things, okay, then you need to try to accept your mediocrity. Why? Because inferiority complex comes from not admitting that one is mediocre and always wants to be superior. Since you climb high and fall crisply, oh, then don't climb. Don't hang yourself from a crooked tree, right? In the end, it’s your own suffering, you’re a little more active.

The fifth point is to discover the unknown self. This is what can we do usually? For example, everyone pays attention to the official account of Xiang Dialogue, and there will be many of these public welfare videos in it without spending money. If you choose what you are more interested in, you can listen to it yourself. These teachers are still quite good. We learn from each other and learn from each other. I believe it will inspire everyone. Through such a study, you will definitely discover more and more unknown selves.

OK. Thank you everyone, I handed Mike over to the host, I found that I had been more than three minutes.

The general main content of today is that Teacher Cao dedicated it to us here. I think it is really rich. I can really publish a book, and I think and I am looking forward to it. Then it seems like Teacher Cao Yu said just now that there is a short joke or a short story to tell us all. Is that true? OK, then let Teacher Cao tell us.

Easter egg

Hello, I'm back, and I'm completing today's Easter eggs. The joke I told is called "Neighbor".

One day, the bear met his white rabbit neighbor, and he asked, "Hey, does it shed hair?" The white rabbit said, "No." Then the bear "Ceng..." took it over and wiped its butt.

Then the next day the bear went out again and met a neighbor of a gray rabbit, "Does it shed?" the gray rabbit said, "No." He just "Ceng..." and wiped his mouth, and then, "Ah, it's so disgusting, why are you covered in shit?" The gray rabbit said, "I'm the white rabbit yesterday."

Okay, everyone, that's it. Today's Easter egg session ends here. We ask the host teacher teacher Ranran to give you a preview of the next issue. Take care of yourself, and beg you.

Then thank you Teacher Cao Yu, and thank you everyone too. Then we will attend a party on our weekly occasion, which belongs to our own people. Of course, we are not a closed small circle. We also welcome all the friends who are interested in image dialogue and personal growth. Then the arrival of new friends will bring us different things, namely different experiences and feelings, as well as different ideas and opinions. We will all be very proud, that is, we will cherish it very much.

"End"

Author profile

Doctor of Psychology, Golden Image Dialogue Psychologist Cao Yu

Cao Yu Doctor of

Doctor of Psychology, Master of Education, International Candidate Psychological Analyst (IAAP Router) Golden-level image dialogue psychologist, image dialogue lecturer and supervisor;

Member of the Culture and Psychological Therapy Group of the Psychological Therapy and Psychological Counseling Professional Committee of the Chinese Psychological Health Association; Director of the Image Dialogue Department of the Mental Health Work Committee of the Chinese Social Work Association and Executive Director of the Image Dialogue Committee;

Co-founder of Image Shadow Technology and Co-founder of Regression Therapy.

Reprinted from the official account: Qianyuan