"My power is almost impossible to suppress, I really want to beat them up."
" Then what?"
"But I held back, after all, it was a workplace."
"What's the next?"
"And then, I had insomnia for two days, and then I came here."
A month ago, Qingtian found me because of anxiety.
told me about her problems such as "her jobs were added by old employees in the office for no reason" and "herself proposed plans and were ignored by leaders."
On the surface, Qingtian encountered interpersonal problems, but the deep-seated reason that affected her anxiety was that she entered a state of "aggressive accumulation".
If you often get into the entanglement of "release aggressive harm relationships and hurt yourself", you might as well listen to me to talk about this topic.
Source: pexels
Release the quagmire of aggressive
Release the aggressiveness, it is actually a very difficult thing.
Since childhood, we have been taught that " is strict with ourselves and , and is lenient to others."
When you grow up, you will be educated to unite colleagues, respect leaders, be harmonious in your neighborhoods, and be harmonious in your family.
In an environment where tolerance and tolerance are virtues, releasing aggressiveness to the outside world will often be labeled as "little" and "low emotional intelligence".
But humans are social animals. Once they are divided into a group of people who "influence unity", it is like being thrown into a cold palace by society.
so many people choose to "swallow their anger" like Qingtian, which has become a response strategy.
Source: pexels
However, as psychological counseling expert Baylor said:
When a person develops negative emotions, if he does not release it outward, this negative energy will turn around to attack himself. There is no third way.
This makes Qingtian’s strategy like a “self-slow schi”. Every time he tolerate, it is like giving himself a “slash”.
In the end, the "self" after self-attack becomes weaker and weaker, and many problems such as "low sense of self-worth" and "incompetence" are caused by this.
Source: pexels
But at the same time, the resistance of the "self" is getting stronger and stronger. This is the source of Qingtian's anxiety -
No one's "self" wants to lie flat, it has been resisting in the subconscious.
Moreover, inhibiting aggressiveness will not only make psychological discomfort, but modern medicine has also proved that in the long run, the incidence of cardiovascular and cerebrovascular diseases is higher than that of ordinary people.
Since the attack is so bad, is there a way for us to "remove it"?
I'm sorry, it's instinct, without it, people can't be human.
However, if you can release it and use it well, it will start a different life.
transfer your aggressiveness
If you also have a lot of "silt" aggressiveness, you can listen to the story of Leshui.
She is a master of "transferring attack power", and the way to obtain this ability is very interesting.
After graduating from university, Leshui entered the customer service department of a company. For a while, the company had internal problems, and thousands of products had some quality problems, so the customer service department became the customer complaint department.
She said: "Eight hours a day, it is normal to be scolded when you answer the phone." She drags her tired body to work every day, and truly feels that "work is like being punished."
And since it is a company problem, you have to smile on your customers. No matter how depressed you are, you have to show that you are willing to solve the problems for your customers.
Source: pexels
In the past two months, she was sometimes angry and wronged, as if the customer said that it was wrong for her own doing. Sometimes, she really wanted to scold her, but when she said that the words were right, she saw the leader sitting in front and swallowed it.
"I go home with anger every night and scold customers a hundred times."
Until one day, she was walking on the road and happened to see several neighbors outside the community playing badminton.
Her brain heated up and joined in.
One game ended, she had a badminton foundation, and won one game after another.
At this time, she suddenly felt that her mood had improved inexplicably, as if everything in the day had passed and she had recovered her strength.
Since then, she seems to have discovered a good idea. She will play basketball every time she encounters such a situation. She will be physically and in good spirits and has received many praises for her work.
This is Leshui's method of "transferring offensiveness". The principle behind
is exactly one of the recognized best ways to "release aggressiveness" - competitive sports.
The essence of competition is to decide the winner in an "elegant" way, it is a recognized method of "releasing aggressiveness", and it also gives people a healthy body and interpersonal relationships. "
Source: pexels
Non-violent rational release attack
Compared with Leshui's gentle personality, another friend Xiaonan's catchphrase is "Look at life and death indifferently, do it if you don't accept it."
"I force me to be impatient, whether it is a leader or a client, I have to compete with them"
The passionate personality will not let any "aggressiveness" be hidden in her heart.
But she also offended many people because of her quick speech.
The most serious time, because she had a fight with her boyfriend, the two broke up.
The cause of the incident was that she found that her boyfriend and a woman were talking about which local bar is better.
"I think I'm annoyed, right? I'm tired of seeing me, go to the bar with other women? "Xiaonan said that she was passionate at that time.
0 A few days after breaking up, she knew from her ex-buddy that the woman was her boyfriend's colleague. She was talking about where the company team building was.
Source: pexels
calmed down. What made her sad the most was: during the quarrel, the ex didn't explain and let her collapse and break up.
or this friend told him: This was actually her ex-husband intentionally. He always wanted to separate and just got the opportunity.
ex-husband said that being with her was like living on the tip of a knife, and he was chopped at no time.
Xiaonan reflected on the past , finally realized that she had "offended" so many people.
learned from her mistakes, and she was determined to change. With the recommendation of several of our friends, she learned the famous "non-violent communication".
She said that this was her "gospel". In the past, her "aggressive power" was like a verbal battle, but now she knows how to "release aggressiveness rationally".
Source: pexels
anymore with "imagined facts" instead of "observing facts", nor would she represent "self-thinking" as "her own feelings".
For example, the office printer is broken, and she will no longer say to her responsible subordinates, "This printer cannot be used every few days! If you want to do it, you should resign quickly! ”;
instead, it will say “The printer broke this morning, which makes me feel that it will affect office efficiency. "
She distinguished the difference between "complaints" and "needs", and was able to use "requests" more than "commands".
Source: pexels
Her said that if she could start over on the night of breaking up, maybe she would say "I need you to spend more time with me, can you spend more time with me tonight";
instead of "What does your relationship with this woman, where did you put me? ! "
Xiaonan said that it was really difficult to restrain herself at the beginning;
but I really adapted to this method and found that I could not get even if I was so loud that I could not get it. I actually achieved my goal in soft words, which made her feel that I had gained new gains in my life.
attack is essentially the most extreme method that an individual takes to obtain a goal.
unreasonable release of aggressiveness, but most of them are contrary to their wishes.
through her own efforts, Xiaonan met the aggressive needs in a rational way and grew up.
Source: pexels
Attack is our friend
Among the various defense mechanisms of psychoanalysis , "sublimation" is one of the most mature mechanisms.
People who can achieve "sublimation" often have a high psychological maturity.
Maybe you don’t know what the “defense mechanism” is, nor what “sublimation” is, but to give an example, it’s easy to understand, for example, a famous saying of Mencius that we have been memorizing since childhood—
“Born in distress, die in happiness.”
The first half of the sentence is actually talking about "sublimation" -
originally suffered from the sufferings that could destroy people's fighting spirit and defeat people's will, but in the hands of those "strong people", it has become the energy to help them grow, allowing them to succeed.
There is also an old saying, "The country is unhappy and poets are fortunate", which means that in ancient times, when dynasties change and folk suffering increases, it is often the "high yield period" of poets.
Source: pexels
These poets can taste the bitterness and sorrow of life and become poetic expressions.
There are sufferings and setbacks, there will be dissatisfaction, there will be grievances and resentment... When these aggressions are aroused.
Mature individuals will release them in a higher dimension, either become the driving force of their careers, or become presentation in literature, art, etc.
This reminds me of a previous visitor, Azhao.
He has been doing insurance sales. He has a customer he has been with for half a year and is about to complete the transaction. But he didn't know what happened. The customer established contact with another colleague and finally signed a contract with another.
Afterwards, he wanted to have a big fight with his colleagues and also told the leader, but the leader said, "Sales are all about their ability."
He said that he was simply hit by a double blow of anger and grievance.
Source: pexels
Later he tried to convince himself that everything was the best arrangement. Maybe his colleagues would think of his goodness, so they should invest in interpersonal relationships.
result not only did not express it, but also showed "I am better than you" everywhere in the office.
"Every time I think of that face, I can't sleep," said Azhao, "From then, I swear that I can't be defeated. I want to achieve achievements in my career that they cannot achieve."
also started at that time. He deleted all the games on his mobile phone, assigned tasks for himself every day, visited many customers, and won many orders, and used his spare time to study customer preferences in the evening.
Slowly, his performance rose from fourth in the group to first. During the year-end evaluation, he became the superior of "catching customer colleagues".
Everything is the best arrangement. Later, Xiao Zhao really figured out this sentence. Without this opportunity, maybe he was just an ordinary salesperson.
Here, the aggression that was stimulated did not allow Xiao Zhao to release it by "turning up the table", but sublimated into "professional motivation", allowing him to win his own honor.
Source: pexels
at the end:
未分类录片: Summarize the above, we found one thing: the direction and level of aggressive projection are very important -
will become "aggressive silt" inward, while the release of the "low-level" outward will hurt relationships and things we don't want to see.
People’s instincts are released in the right direction and mature way, which is a lifelong practice.
Perhaps, aggressiveness is like a beast in the abyss. When you look at it, it also looks at you, force it, or let it go, either the dragon-slaying boy becomes the most evil dragon or becomes a slave to his own emotions.
. Fortunately, we have a way to prevent the "beast" from endangering our lives, or even become "friends".
Walk out of the abyss and play and run with us in the sun.
Author: Jia Ning
Source: Internet
First release: Yidianling Psychology
Focus on psychological growth, love you warmly and forcefully
