Author: Ruyi (female, 50 years old)
I started to get sick in 1999 because I had just given birth to my second child and had a minor surgery before my body fully recovered. In addition, it was too tiring to take care of the child.
I was in a bad mood at first, but gradually the condition became more and more serious: dizziness, fatigue, nausea and vomiting, gastrointestinal disorders, insomnia, cold sensitivity, headaches, and even bone headaches all over the body, like needle pricks. The most uncomfortable thing is insomnia. I can't sleep all night long.
I went to many hospitals to check it out, and also went to the psychiatry department, but nothing could be found about the problem. In the countryside at that time, many people said that I had a terminal illness, and there were even worse things to say than this. The physical and psychological pain, coupled with the comments made about me by outsiders, really made me feel worse than death.
Because I felt so uncomfortable, I went to the psychiatrist and asked him if he could prescribe some medicine for me, as long as it could make me sleep.
But the doctor said: I haven’t found out what disease you have, how can I just give you medicine? I had no choice but to treat my head for headaches, my feet for foot pains, and buy medicine myself whenever I felt uncomfortable.
It goes on and on like this, over and over again. I take this medicine today, and then take that medicine again in a few days. Until 2005, because I took too many medicines, my white blood cells were almost gone during the blood test, so the doctor suspected that I had leukemia . I also had bone headaches, and some doctors said I might have rheumatoid arthritis.
So he was hospitalized again and began to undergo various examinations, but the cause was still not found. In the end, the doctor, who was at a loss for what to do, treated me as leukemia. The result was that the more treatment I got, the worse it became. It was too uncomfortable, so I told the doctor that if I still wanted to be treated as leukemia, I would ask to be discharged from the hospital and no longer be treated.
In the end, after consultation, the doctors gave me the final diagnosis of anxiety and depression, which was a very serious type that even the doctors found scary.
When I heard about anxiety and depression, I thought it was very new. I had never heard of it before. Start taking medicine from then on. Until 2007, neither the physical symptoms nor the insomnia had been relieved in any way.
I decided to stop all the medicines privately and only take one soothing medicine. But a few months later, perhaps because I stopped taking the medication, I started shaking all over and couldn't even stand up (I now know that's called a panic attack).
The disease would occur almost every day, usually between 8 or 9 and 11 in the morning, and would subside at 5 or 6 in the afternoon. This lasted for two years.
In 2008, because my family was building a house, I was overworked and under great pressure, and my symptoms worsened again. I couldn't close my eyes. As soon as I closed my eyes, I felt like I was going to fall, as if I was standing on the edge of a cliff. There is no way to go to the hospital again.
Because it was too uncomfortable to sleep, I asked to take twice the maximum dose of tranquilizer . This can only control a little emotion, but it still doesn't help with insomnia.
There was really nothing I could do, so I moved from my hometown to Shenzhen for treatment. The medicines were also changed from , venlafaxine, to sertraline, then to , citalopram, , and finally Dai Lixin. I have taken many medicines, but they don't do anything for me. In the end, even the doctor was unwilling to prescribe medicine for me and suggested that I seek treatment from an experienced Chinese medicine practitioner.
By 2013, I began to have hallucinations: when there was one person standing in front of me, I would see it as two people; when I was lying on the bed, I felt the bed was shaking; when I was sleeping, I also felt like there was something pressing on me, but I felt like there was something pressing on me. I couldn't open my eyes, and when I could open them, I felt more physically and mentally exhausted than before going to bed.
At this time, another doctor recommended that skin burying surgery be performed. Burying brain protein nerve threads through more than a dozen acupuncture points on the body can change sleep. I quickly agreed, but the surgery ultimately failed.
Then I went to see an old Chinese medicine doctor and took Chinese medicine and acupuncture. All in all, I tried everything I could, but all the doctors were at their wits' end.
When I was browsing Douyin in May 2020, I came across Teacher Zai Qingtian’s live broadcast. After listening to it, I felt that the teacher’s lecture was good. After that, I watched all the teacher’s short videos several times, and searched for relevant information on mindfulness on Baidu.
I felt that Teacher Qingtian’s eight-step method was very scientific and should be able to help me, so I decided to sign up to learn from the teacher. After finishing the basic class, although my symptoms have not alleviated, I can actually feel that my heart is much more at ease. I am not as irritable as before, and I am not as afraid of doing things as before. So I decided to join the practical class and continue to learn from the teacher.
When I first started learning mindfulness, I didn’t have much ambition. I just wanted to follow the teacher to slowly learn, listen slowly, and realize slowly. To be honest, I really couldn’t understand it at first, so I just tried my best to listen and practice again and again.
I don’t require myself to study at a fixed time. I usually listen while working, one by one from the front to the back, and then one by one from the back to the front, listening over and over again. Slowly, I found that I was not as scared as before.
What helps me the most is breathing observation, body scanning, and carrying and task decomposition. Because my own symptoms are very serious, I often fall asleep and cannot get up when it is time to get up, so I accept my inability to sleep.
I can move a little bit the next day, even if I take a step, even if I just wipe the table . Whether I am washing dishes or choosing dishes, I will play the audio, listen to it while doing it, and always be aware of my breathing.
Slowly, my symptoms improved a lot and the number of panic attacks decreased a lot.
In the first half of 2021, because something happened at home, I started to vomit blood one afternoon because I was too anxious. The moment I saw the blood, I immediately came back to my senses and reminded myself to observe my breathing. After half a month, I recovered from that serious situation.
Before the National Day, there was another recurrence. This time I couldn't sleep all night long. But instead of worrying and panicking like before, I accepted that I couldn’t sleep and turned on the audio to listen to books. Get up in the morning when you can, do whatever you can, and don't pay attention to how you slept the night before; just lie down if you can't get up.
A few months later, in March 2022, I returned to my normal state. During this period, I never went to the hospital or took any medicine.
Because I took too many medicines in the past, which affected my body organs, I had to have another minor surgery some time ago. I remember that on the day of the surgery, I was in severe pain because the anesthetic had worn off, and I couldn’t sleep at night.
I was very sleepy the next day, but as soon as I closed my eyes, I would return to the previous hallucination state, and very scary pictures would appear. After I noticed it, I immediately turned on the teacher's audio. While listening to the audio, hallucinations still occurred, but I accepted them and focused on the teacher's instructions. After about two hours, my hallucinations disappeared.
The same situation happened again on the third day. I still insisted on listening to the audio, and it returned to normal after an hour. It's been three weeks since the surgery, and I still can't get off the ground and can only lie in bed. But I'm not afraid. Instead, I listen to the audio when I feel uncomfortable. Now I think, if I had not learned the eight-step method, I would have returned to before liberation during this period.
Although I have not fully recovered like others after two years of studying, the eight-step mindfulness method has indeed helped me a lot.
1. Changed my perception. Allow yourself to be yourself, love yourself, and live the life you want.
2. Improved my sleep. Without special circumstances, I can now sleep three to four hours at night. This result is something I couldn't even imagine when I first got sick.
html For more than 120 years, I have taken a lot of Chinese and Western medicine, and have also had acupuncture and psychological counseling. Only the eight-step mindfulness method helped me sleep and taught me how to get out of the hallucination state of fear.
So I am very grateful to the teacher. I will definitely continue to study in the later period, and regard learning the eight steps of mindfulness as my lifelong practice.
When I was browsing Douyin in May 2020, I came across Teacher Zai Qingtian’s live broadcast. After listening to it, I felt that the teacher’s lecture was good. After that, I watched all the teacher’s short videos several times, and searched for relevant information on mindfulness on Baidu.
I felt that Teacher Qingtian’s eight-step method was very scientific and should be able to help me, so I decided to sign up to learn from the teacher. After finishing the basic class, although my symptoms have not alleviated, I can actually feel that my heart is much more at ease. I am not as irritable as before, and I am not as afraid of doing things as before. So I decided to join the practical class and continue to learn from the teacher.
When I first started learning mindfulness, I didn’t have much ambition. I just wanted to follow the teacher to slowly learn, listen slowly, and realize slowly. To be honest, I really couldn’t understand it at first, so I just tried my best to listen and practice again and again.
I don’t require myself to study at a fixed time. I usually listen while working, one by one from the front to the back, and then one by one from the back to the front, listening over and over again. Slowly, I found that I was not as scared as before.
What helps me the most is breathing observation, body scanning, and carrying and task decomposition. Because my own symptoms are very serious, I often fall asleep and cannot get up when it is time to get up, so I accept my inability to sleep.
I can move a little bit the next day, even if I take a step, even if I just wipe the table . Whether I am washing dishes or choosing dishes, I will play the audio, listen to it while doing it, and always be aware of my breathing.
Slowly, my symptoms improved a lot and the number of panic attacks decreased a lot.
In the first half of 2021, because something happened at home, I started to vomit blood one afternoon because I was too anxious. The moment I saw the blood, I immediately came back to my senses and reminded myself to observe my breathing. After half a month, I recovered from that serious situation.
Before the National Day, there was another recurrence. This time I couldn't sleep all night long. But instead of worrying and panicking like before, I accepted that I couldn’t sleep and turned on the audio to listen to books. Get up in the morning when you can, do whatever you can, and don't pay attention to how you slept the night before; just lie down if you can't get up.
A few months later, in March 2022, I returned to my normal state. During this period, I never went to the hospital or took any medicine.
Because I took too many medicines in the past, which affected my body organs, I had to have another minor surgery some time ago. I remember that on the day of the surgery, I was in severe pain because the anesthetic had worn off, and I couldn’t sleep at night.
I was very sleepy the next day, but as soon as I closed my eyes, I would return to the previous hallucination state, and very scary pictures would appear. After I noticed it, I immediately turned on the teacher's audio. While listening to the audio, hallucinations still occurred, but I accepted them and focused on the teacher's instructions. After about two hours, my hallucinations disappeared.
The same situation happened again on the third day. I still insisted on listening to the audio, and it returned to normal after an hour. It's been three weeks since the surgery, and I still can't get off the ground and can only lie in bed. But I'm not afraid. Instead, I listen to the audio when I feel uncomfortable. Now I think, if I had not learned the eight-step method, I would have returned to before liberation during this period.
Although I have not fully recovered like others after two years of studying, the eight-step mindfulness method has indeed helped me a lot.
1. Changed my perception. Allow yourself to be yourself, love yourself, and live the life you want.
2. Improved my sleep. Without special circumstances, I can now sleep three to four hours at night. This result is something I couldn't even imagine when I first got sick.
html For more than 120 years, I have taken a lot of Chinese and Western medicine, and have also had acupuncture and psychological counseling. Only the eight-step mindfulness method helped me sleep and taught me how to get out of the hallucination state of fear.
So I am very grateful to the teacher. I will definitely continue to study in the later period, and regard learning the eight steps of mindfulness as my lifelong practice.
