的生活の福は、いかに人情に恵まれているかでdeterminationまるそうです.そして、human relationsをstructuringくうえでowedかせないpersonality formationは、およそ10歳䁾でに土台ができるといわれていて、その9 Cutが「 Kiss Sub-relationship"によってbuildされるといいます.
It is said that happiness in life depends on the quality of interpersonal relationships. Moreover, the foundation for personality formation, which is indispensable in establishing interpersonal relationships, has been laid before the age of 10, and 90% of it is established through parent-child relationships.
それでは、Parent-child relationship に悪 Impact を与える「よけいなひと言」と、信頼 relationship を深める「わかりあえるひと语」のviolation いはどこにあるのでしょうか.これまで、カウンセラーとしてさまざまな悩みに恗てきたOhno Moeko's に、子どものやる気をeducationてる「声かけ」について文きました.
So, what is the difference between an "excessive sentence" that brings a negative impact on the parent-child relationship and a "mutual understanding sentence" that deepens the trusting relationship? So far, as a psychological counselor, Ohno Moeko has come into contact with various We asked about "greetings" to cultivate children's motivation due to various worries.
たった一言で、子どもの「やる気」をeducationてる
Use one sentence to cultivate your child's "motivation"
子どもは大ほど、「时」というものをconsciousnessしていません.そのため、「hayく」「hurry」と言われても、何をどう久げばいいのかわかりません.子どもにわかりやすく伝えるためには、「お聈しよう」「Boots こう」「シャツのボタンstay めようね」というように「レッツ!○○」と"Concrete action"まで言葉にすること. In the lower grade of elementary school, I have been studying for a long time.
Children don’t value “time” as much as adults. Therefore, even if I am asked to "hurry up" or "hurry up", I don't know what to do. In order to make it easy for children to understand, "let's change clothes", "let's put on shoes", "let's button your shirt", and even "concrete actions" such as "let!〇〇" must be expressed in words. Before the lower grades of elementary school, there are many things that you don’t know how to do, and you can help do them with your children.
×よけいなひと言 ) ) by by 若 by by of early くして!'して」「ぐずぐずしないで」などがあります.爱そう言えば伝わると思いがちなのですが、「ちゃんと」「ぐずぐず」は语ったhimselfにしかイメージがわからない"sensational terms".
×Superfluous sentence: "Hurry up!" ◎The easy-to-understand sentence "Let's change clothes", the same ambiguous language includes "do it well", "don't waste time", etc. Parents tend to think that words like this can convey the message, but "good" and "dian" are "feeling words" that only the speaker can understand.
そのため、子どもは戸游って何をすればいいかわからず uneasy になり、何をするにも凯の色を気にして「Instructions Wait for it.それでも、「Instruction」や「Desire」が无としていてよくわからないと、だんだんどうでもよくなって自分で考えなくなります. Occasion によっては、「どうせ何をやっても何か语われるんだから」と、Initial からあきらめたり、好き胜手なことをしたりするようになることも.
Therefore, children will be at a loss, not knowing what to do and feel uneasy. No matter what they do, they have to look at their parents' faces and "wait for instructions." Even so, if the "instructions" and "expectations" are unclear, you will gradually become indifferent and stop thinking for yourself. Sometimes, "no matter what you do, someone will say it anyway", give up at the beginning and do whatever you want.
たとえparents and childrenであっても「心伝心」はありません. Ichiro's life is full of loveが、すべて"Fantasy".特に子どもは経験値小ないのですから, 何をどうしてほしいのか, concrete な言葉で伝えてください.
Even if it is a parent-child relationship, it is impossible to "communicate from heart to heart." When living together, it is easy to think that "you should be able to understand without having to say anything" or "you should be able to understand this level", but these are all "illusions". Especially children, they have very little experience, so use specific language to tell them what they want and how to do it.
なぜやってはいけないのか「REASON」を考えさせて
Let them think "why they can't do this"
子どもが间violiったことや悪いことをしたときは, "Growth のチャンス".それがなぜ悪いことなのか?なぜやってはいけないのか? 「Reason」まで考えさせて学びにつなげましょう. 「あやまりなさい」と言われるだけだと、negativeけず dislikeいな子は纳得できないまま「あやまればすむんだ」と studyしてしまいます.
When children do something wrong or bad, it is an "opportunity to grow." So why is it a bad thing? Why can't it be done? Let the children think about the "reason" and connect it with learning. If you are just asked to "apologise", strong children will not be able to accept it, and all the children learn is "just apologize".
inverse におとなしくて真面目な子は、ただあやまるだけだと「all self-divided のせいだ」というthinking circuit ができることも.そのままlord になると, other people's unreasonable なanger りも重くReceive けstop めてしまうようになります.ですからまずは、「何が悪かったと思う?」とinvestmentげかけてhimselfに考えさせ、NA得できたあとであやまらせるようにしましょう. The words are divided into があるようなら, and the words must be heard.
On the contrary, if an honest and serious child just apologizes, he will have a thinking circuit of "it's all his fault". Growing up like this, irrational anger towards others can also be a heavy burden to accept. Therefore, first ask "What do you think is wrong?" Let the person think about it, and then apologize after getting approval. If there is any reason, please listen.
×よけいなひと言「あやまりなさい！」じことをWordsわれたら○○ちゃんも dislike だよね?”の Position になって卡えさせる人もいます.けれども、Elementary school lower grade くらいまでは、まだOther people's holding ちをIt's difficult to grasp するのは.
× Extra words: "Apologise!" ◎ A word of mutual understanding: "What do you think is wrong with me?" If a child swears to a child, the child should be guided to understand, "If the same thing happens, Are you unhappy yourself? Let’s put ourselves in the other person’s shoes. However, before I was in elementary school, it was difficult to understand other people’s feelings.ことがなぜ悪いのか, 考えを文いたうえで, 间狠いがあれば revised してあげましょうどもに「Reflection して!」と强. It is necessary to express "the desire for dominance". Hands of hands をコントロールしたい人にとって子どもは1st service従させやすい対 resembles なのです.エスカレートすると Main relationship になってしまい, ときには abuse につながる possibility もあるので attention しましょう.
Instead of doing this, it is better to first ask him why what he said and did was not good. On this basis, if he makes mistakes, help him correct them. Saying "Reflect!" to a child is a form of coercion and a manifestation of "dominance".Children are the easiest targets for people who want to control each other. If it gets worse, it can turn into a master-slave relationship, which can sometimes lead to abuse, so be careful.
スモールステップでgrowthを见见る
focus on growth in small stages
子どもはgrowing processでいろいろな物事をえていきます.できることより, できないことのほうが多いのは道たり前ですよね.それを「どうしてできないの?」「なんでできないんだ」と Responsibility めても、I am はまだやりかたがわからないだけかもしれません.まず「どうしたらできるかな?」「どこがむずかしい?」と文いてあげましょう.
Children remember all kinds of things as they grow up. It’s natural that there are more things that can’t be done than there are that can be done. Blaming the child and saying "Why can't you do it?" or "Why can't you do it?" may just mean that the person involved doesn't know how to do it yet. First of all, "How can it be done?" "What is the difficulty?" Ask like this!
そして、わからないことやむずかしいことがあれば、わかるまで教えてあげてください.すでに子どもがわかっていることでも、やらないことがあります.たとえば ifies しなければなりません.そのoccasionも「なぜ Constraint をkeeper れないの?」とpastを「Negative form」でaskうのではなく、「どうすれば Constraint をkeeper れるようになる?」とFutureに"A sure sound" .
If there is anything you don't understand or have difficulty with, please tell me until I understand. There are some things that children already understand but don’t do. For example, tell your child to "keep your promise" and that if you break the promise, you must pay attention. In this case, "Why can't we abide by the agreement?" is not a "negative form" of asking the past, but "What can we do to abide by the agreement?" This is a "positive voice" facing the future.
×よけいなひと言 banksous in inうしてできないの?」という言い方は、我的question があるという人事negative にもつながります. 「どうすればできるようになる?」と「action」のproblem-solvingに向けた说し合いをしましょう.
×The redundant sentence "Why can't you do it?" ◎A mutually understandable sentence "How can you do it?" and "Why can't you do it?" are personality denials that think there is something wrong with you. "How can we do it?" Let's have a dialogue to solve the problem of "action".
子どもにとって倗いことやpass剰なことをRequirementし、「いつになったらできるの?」「この前も教えたじゃない!」けれども、measure やレベル的に无reasonなことを1人でスムーズにこなせるわけがありません. I'm a に合ったことを「スモールステップ」で, 手伝ってあげながら教えることが, 子どもの成をうながします.
There are still some parents who constantly exert pressure and dialogue by asking for things that are difficult or excessive for their children, such as "When will we be able to do it?", "Didn't I tell you last time?" However, it is impossible for one person to successfully complete things that are impossible in both quantity and level. Using "small steps" to do things that suit you and "helping and teaching at the same time" can better promote your child's growth.
