Many people face a bad situation, or when they are unable to achieve an ideal goal, they always habitually blame themselves, feeling that they are not good, or that they have not done well enough, which leads to the current results.
This actually means that it has not solved its own internal consistency problem. In fact, there is a subject "I" and an object "I" in each of us. When we are internally inconsistent, the subject self will treat the object self with a cold-eyed attitude, and the subject and object will often conflict .
For example, you ask yourself to insist on getting up early, but in fact, your body is in a state of exhaustion, and the objective me wants to sleep a little longer. In the end, you do not get up early as planned, and then the subject I begin to blame myself and start to think about myself. attack.
As time goes by, you will find that you are often in this state of self-blame and guilt, and you have never reached your ideal state.
You might as well be kind to yourself, stop self-condemnation and self-attack, find a state where the subject and object can be consistent, listen to the voice and rhythm of your body, listen to the voice of your heart, and awaken your inner energy.
In the Satir family therapy model, Satir's iceberg theory is designed to allow us to connect with our inner self and awaken our own life energy. In Satya's view, everyone has enough inner resources to live a better life. The important thing is that we should always connect with our inner self.
The flip side of self-aggression is people-pleasing.
You will feel that you are not good enough, so you always want to be recognized by others, so you always try to please others unconsciously, strive to do everything perfectly, strive to give all the kindness to others, and strive to make everyone All satisfied. However, in fact, many people like you for who you are, and they don't like how you please people all the time. And you yourself have ignored your own feelings and your own needs. You often feel exhausted both physically and mentally. While dealing with all kinds of chaos in the outside world, you are waging an inner war.
So, how to make yourself feel better and stretch your life more?
Stop attacking yourself and stop trying to please others .
There is a passage in the book "Hold Your Awesome Self":
Everyone is an expert in solving their own problems. Human growth is not an easy task. Faced with so many problems, we are still able to get to this day, which shows that there must be some resources to support us. These resources are already contained in our lives. By mobilizing these positive resources, problems may be solved.
Therefore, you should always say to yourself, I have done a good job, and I can allow myself some time to relax and rest. If you are really tired, allow yourself to be lazy in bed or on the sofa. We need to have some pauses like this. "Being kind to yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance."
When dealing with problems with the external environment, you must bravely express your feelings and expectations. Don't always suppress your feelings. At the same time, you must do your best. You don't need to satisfy everyone, and you don't need to make everyone happy. Do everything perfectly. Only when you are fully connected to your inner self can you shine.
