Some time ago, CCTV's popular TV series "Come on!" Have you watched "Mom"? This drama tells the story of five mothers who face some of the troublesome things in their lives and the dilemmas of parenting under their glamorous appearances. Among them, He Xiaohan, played by Dong Jie

Some time ago, CCTV's popular TV series "Come on!" Have you watched "Mom"? This drama tells the story of five mothers who face some of the troublesome things in their lives and the dilemmas of parenting under their glamorous appearances. Among them, He Xiaohan, played by Dong Jie , is the only mother troubled by the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Many mothers saw themselves reflected in He Xiaohan who was always frightened by her mother-in-law's criticism and could not get help from her husband.

《Come on! Mom》

Although young people nowadays basically live separately from the elderly, due to childbirth, childcare, daily visits, etc., they still have to deal with their parents-in-law or father-in-law and mother-in-law. When getting along with your partner's parents, there will be no conflicts unless the three views are very consistent and the families of both parties are relatively similar in terms of educational background, economic conditions, personality and other aspects.

But in life, what we often see is that the parents of the partner's native family interfere in the lives of their children, and even control their children and their children's partners, which leads to many conflicts in life. But is it worth divorcing just because of problems with your partner’s parents in your partner’s family of origin? If we don't get divorced, is there any good way to change the situation?

In the famous psychologist Susan Forward's "Original Family·Marriage and Love Edition" , she summarized 5 types of partner parents that will affect our marriage , and helped us analyze why they do this. What should we do to solve the troubles and harm they cause us? This book is a good medicine for many people who have been "hurt" by their partner's parents in marriage.

1. Troublesome partner’s parents

There are many small families. The relationship between the couple is quite good, but the partner’s parents always intentionally or unintentionally interfere in the couple’s affairs, or they simply don’t care about their daughter-in-law or son-in-law. On the Internet, they find faults everywhere and sow discord behind their backs, causing the couple to break up and part ways.

Such parents are divided into: critical, possessive, controlling, troublemaking, and rejecting. Every type of parent has something in common and they all do something that makes you uncomfortable.

. Criticism type: They like to criticize your words, deeds, and even your dressing style. It seems like nothing you do can live up to their standards, and some parents love to belittle their children's partners.

is like "Come on!" He Xiaohan's mother-in-law in "Mom" always expresses her disdain for He Xiaohan's low academic level and lack of understanding of anything. The implication is that He Xiaohan has surpassed her son who is a surgeon. If a mother-in-law lives with her daughter-in-law under the same roof and belittles her daughter-in-law every day, what daughter-in-law can stand it?

《Come on! Mom》

If your relationship with your partner's parents is generally good, and there are no major conflicts, just don't take their criticism to heart. Sometimes they are not on the same level, and arguing with them will only make you feel uncomfortable. Even if you are angry, they will still go their own way.

If your relationship with your partner's parents has deteriorated and their criticism has seriously affected your life, you must take action.

. Possessive type: This type of parents is particularly controlling and very powerful in front of their children. Once their children have a partner, they will regard this person as an enemy, as if they are afraid that their children will be taken away by the other party. . They like to invade every aspect of your marriage. They seem to have sacrificed a lot, but in fact it is all so that they can still control their children's lives. They do not take into account that their children are already married and should have their own lives.

. Controlling type: This type of parents is very similar to "possessive" parents, except that controlling parents control all aspects of their children's families, and they will interfere with their children's family life and economic affairs. Young people must do their bidding or they will be upset.

《Double-sided Tape》

Like many "mama's boys", there usually is a controlling mother behind them.And if the daughter-in-law of this kind of family encounters any conflict, she is isolated and helpless.

. Trouble-making type: This kind of parents lead a messy life. They will transfer some negative emotions or conflicts to their children's families, causing a lot of trouble to their children's families. For example, your partner has a father who is an alcoholic, or a mother who is addicted to gambling.

5. Rejection type: This type of parents refuse to accept their daughter-in-law or son-in-law. They feel that it is the fault of their daughter-in-law or son-in-law that their family has become like this, or their children have become like this. They are full of prejudices and turn a blind eye to their daughter-in-law or son-in-law. They also refuse to communicate and have no intention of easing the relationship.

"Heart Residence"

Compare and see, which situation are you encountering now?

2. Survival Guide for Dealing with "Toxic" Partner's Parents

There will be a breakthrough in any relationship. If your family has no major problems, don't be easily broken up by your partner's parents.

Step one: Seek help from your partner

Many couples quarrel over their parents' affairs. The main reason is that their partners have unclear positions and ambiguous attitudes, and they always want to get along with each other. The person who knows your parents best is your partner, who is also the best adjuster.

If a mother-in-law is always dissatisfied with her daughter-in-law, targets her at every turn, and picks troubles, and the husband does not support his wife, sooner or later conflicts will break out. If a mother-in-law always says in front of her daughter that her son-in-law is worthless and incompetent, sooner or later the couple's marriage will be disrupted.

Therefore, it is important for your partner to have firm love and support for you.

《Come on! Mom》

Step 2: Tell your feelings directly

Many times, in order to make a big deal out of a trivial matter, we choose to remain silent, but in fact, this does not let the other party know how sad and angry you are inside. You must talk about the troubles they cause you, and some of your partner's parents will realize their problems and ease the relationship.

Step Three: Draw Clear Boundaries

Many conflicts come from parents who have no sense of boundaries and always want to reach out and take care of their children's affairs. Therefore, you must communicate clearly with your partner's parents about what matters should not be interfered with, so that everyone can have an easier time.

《Come on! Mom》

Step 4: Divorce as a last resort

If you are unlucky enough to meet parents of a partner who doesn’t care about you, and it happens that your partner does nothing to improve the relationship and even speaks for his parents, then I have no choice but to divorce.

"Original Family·Marriage and Love Edition" explains in great detail how to improve the relationship between yourself and your partner's parents, and gives examples of almost every situation. If you are still interested in this and want to know more about it, you can read this book.