In the rapidly developing digital era, the pace of life is accelerating and competitive pressure is intensifying. People are coerced by invisible forces to keep moving. With the rapid economic and social transformation, many people have become more confused, and the resulting mental health problems such as anxiety, depression, sleep disorders and the social problems they have caused have become increasingly prominent. Mental illness is becoming an invisible killer that seriously endangers the physical and mental health of contemporary people.
According to 2019 World Health Organization statistics, the number of people with depression in China exceeds 95 million. This data is very shocking, and there are a large number of people who are unwilling to seek medical treatment. The actual number of depressed people may be There will be more, and depression has already reached a point where it cannot be ignored.
When a person has a "knot" in his heart that cannot be untied for a long time, depression will be like a "mad dog". Once bitten, it is difficult to let go. This is the reason why people as powerful as , Churchill, , and famous as Leslie Cheung cannot get rid of depression.
British Prime Minister Churchill once said in his autobiography: Perhaps the experience of being bullied when he was weak as a child has already planted the root of his illness in his heart. As the British Prime Minister, it is impossible for him to find those who bullied him as a child to "revenge" him. , so he will never be able to get rid of his illness throughout his life.
Churchill once did not dare to stand near the platform because the urge to jump off the platform was always lingering in his mind. It can be seen that childhood experiences play a vital role in the living conditions of this life. So in modern times, if we or people around us have anxiety or depression tendencies , how should we face
mentioned in the book "You Are Right", when facing patients with depression , first and foremost, empathizes with . The author of this book, Zheng Huixin, is a psychotherapist and psychiatrist.
Zheng Huixin has communicated and conducted face-to-face consultations with more than 10,000 visitors to help them resolve their psychological problems. In the past 15 years, she has talked freely with people under high pressure in society, such as civil servants, business executives, teachers, parents of adolescent children, etc., and has also accompanied and healed the traumatized people in corners where no one pays attention.
After the famous "Sewol" shipwreck tragedy in South Korea, she immediately moved to Ansan and established a "Friendly Neighbor Treatment Space" to fully assist in the psychological treatment of the families of the "Sewol" victims. In addition, she is cooperating with the Seoul City Government to promote the healing project-"You and I Need Mothers" to spread the power of empathy to citizens.
She also assisted victims of domestic violence in establishing the "True Power" club and initiated group psychotherapy. She also established a psychotherapy space "Warak" for employees who were maliciously dismissed from Ssangyong Motor Company and their families.
She summarized more than 30 years of accumulated experience in helping others into three sentences that fully express empathy. The core points are to accept the other person's emotions, accurately describe the other person's feelings, and give feedback rather than judgmental listening. If we can deeply understand the true meaning of these three sentences and how to use them, we will move to a better stage in our own lives and relationships with others.
The first element of empathy: listening
I once read a book "The Power of Listening". I remember that the author emphasized that it is forbidden to express oneself too much, but to "listen with great joy". She believes that people who truly master the art of listening will be more keenly aware of people's hearts, understand each other, make friends, and gain trust.
Being trusted is a happy thing. We can only learn about other people's stories and understand them by listening. As a psychiatrist, the author tells about an important turning point for her, which was to start listening to people's inner voices. She listens to their relationship problems, life and inner conflicts, desires and traumas, and more. And these people are not patients who come to her to talk about their symptoms. The author treats them as human beings who are willing to share some or even everything in their lives. So the effect of listening can be imagined.
The most fundamental factor that affects people's hearts: trauma
Psychologist Adler said: A happy childhood heals a lifetime, and an unfortunate childhood takes a lifetime to heal. In " You are like a bird flying to your mountain " the protagonist had a very unfortunate childhood. She spent her childhood in a place made of scrap copper and iron from the garbage dump. There was no sound of reading there, only the sound of cranes. roar. Not going to school or seeking medical treatment is the loyalty and truth that their father wants them to adhere to. The father did not allow them to have a voice of their own, their will was the devil in his eyes. However, the protagonist forces herself to continue to study and further her studies, firmly believing that anything that cannot kill her will eventually make her stronger. After overcoming many difficulties, she finally walks out of the shadow and confusion brought by her original family.
In fact, everyone has trauma and some thoughts that are more sensitive than others. For the traumatized, they suffer more fatal pain than any patient in the world. To a large extent, they need to start a fierce or even tragic psychological war with themselves before they reveal their wounds.
The core of healing: empathy
What is empathy? In "The Power of Empathy," we are told that empathy is the ability to understand the unique experiences of others and respond accordingly. But empathy has two sides. It can be used to help others, or it can be used to harm others. Empathy is like ocean waves, sometimes gentle and caressing, and the next moment fierce and vicious.
In the book "You're Right", the empathy the author talks about is empathy that recognizes "boundaries". The author discusses this clear-cut and three-dimensional empathy in detail in the book. She believes that this empathy is like a home-cooked therapeutic method. Once we fully understand empathy, we will be as incredible as watching the magic of turning a blank sheet of paper into and white dove .
