has stopped updating its official account for nearly a week. There are two main reasons. One is to sort out the mood, and the other is to set aside more time to think about verbal violence and mental abuse.
I think everyone has the same experience as me. Although wants to work hard to isolate the irrelevant noise from life, he will always be kidnapped by pua, the collective unconscious mental abuser of society. It seems that in their eyes, everyone has been there since birth. He carries the unforgivable original sin from the beginning.
For example, if your academic performance is not good when you are studying, it may be more of a problem of concentration and learning methods, but for mental abusers and people with habitual PUA, it turns into a lot of language and personality attacks. For example, you are stupid, or the three generations of your ancestors have never had any experience in learning;
Another example is that your original family was well-off or above when you were born, but you did not inherit it well in this generation. They will judge you as a useless waste, and even a few words can directly rise to the level of filial piety to your whole family, and come to the absurd conclusion that one generation is not as good as the next, and one litter is not as good as the next.
Also, what I feel more deeply about recently is the accusatory troubles I feel as an older, unmarried young woman. This kind of trouble extends from entrepreneurship to workplace employment to daily social life. It seems that not getting married or falling in love violates the rules of heaven. They are often accused of unfounded crimes, and the victims are accused of having either physical problems or psychological problems.
In other words, if women do not grow up to be what society’s collective unconscious expects, if they are not disciplined, do not do things according to the rules, and do not embark on the path of caring for their husbands, raising children, and making soup after washing their hands, then they will fail. No matter how successful your career is or how much you improve yourself, it cannot stop them from labeling you a loser.
If women want to resist this kind of social collective unconsciousness, they will inevitably be subject to a flood of criticism and criticism, including a lot of verbal violence and personality attacks. For example, when men argue, no matter how factual and reasonable they are, in the end The other party only needs to lightly say: "Old woman" to the woman, and he can easily win a complete victory.
In the above situation, if appears in people with weak self-boundary and relatively low self-identity and acceptance, they will be unconsciously PUA by the society, so they will not seek outside but seek from themselves. As a result, the self-identity and acceptance are getting lower and lower. The psychological abuser gradually destroys the victim's heart through step-by-step verbal suppression and personality attacks, thereby achieving the purpose of psychologically manipulating and brainwashing the victim.
In order to better help readers identify mental abusers in life, the author has sorted out 11 methods of "mental abuse". Please enjoy the following.
The main purpose of all psychological abusers is to firmly control the abused. So abusers often do this (torture the abused):
▍The first refuses to communicate directly
will only dodge when faced with direct questions. The other party always retreats before advancing and is never straightforward. So much so that the abused person has to ask himself, "Where did I offend him? Why does he hate me?"
Because he didn't say anything, anything could be the reason for his dissatisfaction. This type of abuse involves a refusal to admit that there is a problem between the two people and an unwillingness to communicate or work together to find a solution. If you open the window and speak out, the conflict may be discussed and a solution may be found. Unfortunately, in the abuser's world, what matters most is preventing the abused from thinking, understanding, and reacting. An effective way for to intensify conflict is to refrain from dialogue and silently place the blame on the other party, while the abused person is often deprived of his right to speak.
▍The second verbal distortion
does not want you to hear clearly what he is saying. The abuser is deliberately vague and creates confusion. Later he can evade responsibility by saying, "I never said that."
He likes to convey information indirectly and avoid getting into trouble.He likes to speak only half of his words, For example: The victim asked you why you did this, and he replied: You know. In fact, you don’t know at all. If you ask again, the other party will directly say, then you should reflect more and look for problems within yourself. This leaves room for refutation of various misunderstandings and misjudgments.
▍The third lie
Abusers generally do not lie directly, but secretly create misunderstandings and then turn the misunderstandings to their own advantage.
To put it simply, no matter what the abuser says, there is always a way to confuse right and wrong and prove that he is right, especially when the abused is upset and does not want to argue. abusers often achieve the purpose of confusing people in three ways.
The first is a roundabout answer, for example: Women are scary! When the other party protested, he changed his words: I’m not talking about you, you are too sensitive!
The second answer was unreasonable. For example: When the wife questioned her husband’s loyalty, the other party said: You are so suspicious. , I’m afraid there is something wrong in my heart!
The third correction of details is like: The wife accused her husband of taking another woman to fool around for 8 days, but the other party said: You are the one who lied! It was obvious that he went for 7 days, and she was not a woman, but a Colleagues!
▍Fourth Ridicule and contempt
Ridicule and contempt can often help the abuser occupy a high ground. Generally, the abuser starts by exaggerating some innocuous or even private things in public, and then finds someone among his companions to sing along with him.
Narcissistic abusers often deceive bystanders because they have no idea of the true experiences of the abused. Abusers often have the ability to turn bystanders into accomplices in their abuse.
▍The fifth use of contradiction
hinders communication in a contradictory way. Because they do not understand the situation, they cannot respond. Abusers often say one thing with words and another with actions. Planting doubts on insignificant things in daily life makes the abused person's foundation shaken and unable to distinguish who is right and who is wrong.
▍The Sixth Negative Personality
"If I weren't by your side, who would care about you? Without me, you would be alone!" A person with a fragile self-awareness and lack of self-confidence will easily be confused when he hears such derogatory words. It absorbs and internalizes it, thinking that it is the truth.
Because the abuser says that these are facts, the abused person cannot judge the authenticity, and the self will disappear accordingly.
▍The Seventh Separation and Conquest
Abusers are very good at provoking conflicts between people and arousing jealousy and opposition. They will use the following methods:
to arouse suspicion in a roundabout way, don't you think so-and-so is like this?
2 to reveal A's words to B to B. Your friend told me that she thinks...
3 uses lies to incite hostility in others.
▍The eighth shows strength
The abuser likes to leave the impression that he knows better and therefore holds the truth, and it is the only truth. He will present his claims as accepted premises. People who hear it will think, "What he said must be correct, because he seems to be very sure." Therefore, the abuser can give a considerable degree of security to his more vulnerable peers.
▍Ninth Hate becomes superficial
When the abused wants to leave, the abuser will panic.
Contrary to popular belief, this is not love that leads to hate, but jealousy that leads to hatred. There is no love in the relationship between sadism and masochism, it is just the desire of the parties concerned, and the object of desire is not the abused, but something that the other party has and the abuser wants to take it as his own, and often the abuser takes advantage of the abuser. The abuser is unable to satisfy all of his desires and therefore experiences great frustration. And these are the sources of hatred.
And the way the abuser rationalizes his hatred is to blame the abused for oppressing him, so he does this as a legitimate defense.The abuser will place the most evil intentions on the other person. Because he is worried that the other person will take action, he will often strike first.
▍Tenth The Abuse Begins to Take Effect
The abuser will make sure that the abused knows the consequences of not following their wishes. He will achieve his goal through mailing letters, making phone calls, and the Internet, which are often regarded as time bombs by the abused.
If there are witnesses present, the attack will turn into many small actions. Once the victim falls into the trap of "provoking" and starts to argue loudly, it will appear that the victim is losing his temper, and the abuser can pretend that he is Abused person.
▍Eleven: The abused is driven into desperation
The abuser will try to make the abused go against him in order to accuse the other person of being the "evil person" and make the other person the culprit of provoking the conflict. He will take advantage of a certain weakness of the abused person and exaggerate it so that the abused person also thinks there is something wrong with him. The abuser forces the other person to make mistakes and then criticizes or denigrates the other person to reinforce the abused person's bad image and sense of guilt. This way the abuser can benefit and make himself look like an innocent victim.
If you read the full article, you will find that the abuser's methods are jaw-dropping, but to a certain extent, they are not unheard of. Finally, if you benefit from it, please forward it to more people in need.
For more exciting content, follow the WeChat public account "Philosophical Survival"
▍The third lie
Abusers generally do not lie directly, but secretly create misunderstandings and then turn the misunderstandings to their own advantage.
To put it simply, no matter what the abuser says, there is always a way to confuse right and wrong and prove that he is right, especially when the abused is upset and does not want to argue. abusers often achieve the purpose of confusing people in three ways.
The first is a roundabout answer, for example: Women are scary! When the other party protested, he changed his words: I’m not talking about you, you are too sensitive!
The second answer was unreasonable. For example: When the wife questioned her husband’s loyalty, the other party said: You are so suspicious. , I’m afraid there is something wrong in my heart!
The third correction of details is like: The wife accused her husband of taking another woman to fool around for 8 days, but the other party said: You are the one who lied! It was obvious that he went for 7 days, and she was not a woman, but a Colleagues!
▍Fourth Ridicule and contempt
Ridicule and contempt can often help the abuser occupy a high ground. Generally, the abuser starts by exaggerating some innocuous or even private things in public, and then finds someone among his companions to sing along with him.
Narcissistic abusers often deceive bystanders because they have no idea of the true experiences of the abused. Abusers often have the ability to turn bystanders into accomplices in their abuse.
▍The fifth use of contradiction
hinders communication in a contradictory way. Because they do not understand the situation, they cannot respond. Abusers often say one thing with words and another with actions. Planting doubts on insignificant things in daily life makes the abused person's foundation shaken and unable to distinguish who is right and who is wrong.
▍The Sixth Negative Personality
"If I weren't by your side, who would care about you? Without me, you would be alone!" A person with a fragile self-awareness and lack of self-confidence will easily be confused when he hears such derogatory words. It absorbs and internalizes it, thinking that it is the truth.
Because the abuser says that these are facts, the abused person cannot judge the authenticity, and the self will disappear accordingly.
▍The Seventh Separation and Conquest
Abusers are very good at provoking conflicts between people and arousing jealousy and opposition. They will use the following methods:
to arouse suspicion in a roundabout way, don't you think so-and-so is like this?
2 to reveal A's words to B to B. Your friend told me that she thinks...
3 uses lies to incite hostility in others.
▍The eighth shows strength
The abuser likes to leave the impression that he knows better and therefore holds the truth, and it is the only truth. He will present his claims as accepted premises. People who hear it will think, "What he said must be correct, because he seems to be very sure." Therefore, the abuser can give a considerable degree of security to his more vulnerable peers.
▍Ninth Hate becomes superficial
When the abused wants to leave, the abuser will panic.
Contrary to popular belief, this is not love that leads to hate, but jealousy that leads to hatred. There is no love in the relationship between sadism and masochism, it is just the desire of the parties concerned, and the object of desire is not the abused, but something that the other party has and the abuser wants to take it as his own, and often the abuser takes advantage of the abuser. The abuser is unable to satisfy all of his desires and therefore experiences great frustration. And these are the sources of hatred.
And the way the abuser rationalizes his hatred is to blame the abused for oppressing him, so he does this as a legitimate defense.The abuser will place the most evil intentions on the other person. Because he is worried that the other person will take action, he will often strike first.
▍Tenth The Abuse Begins to Take Effect
The abuser will make sure that the abused knows the consequences of not following their wishes. He will achieve his goal through mailing letters, making phone calls, and the Internet, which are often regarded as time bombs by the abused.
If there are witnesses present, the attack will turn into many small actions. Once the victim falls into the trap of "provoking" and starts to argue loudly, it will appear that the victim is losing his temper, and the abuser can pretend that he is Abused person.
▍Eleven: The abused is driven into desperation
The abuser will try to make the abused go against him in order to accuse the other person of being the "evil person" and make the other person the culprit of provoking the conflict. He will take advantage of a certain weakness of the abused person and exaggerate it so that the abused person also thinks there is something wrong with him. The abuser forces the other person to make mistakes and then criticizes or denigrates the other person to reinforce the abused person's bad image and sense of guilt. This way the abuser can benefit and make himself look like an innocent victim.
If you read the full article, you will find that the abuser's methods are jaw-dropping, but to a certain extent, they are not unheard of. Finally, if you benefit from it, please forward it to more people in need.
For more exciting content, follow the WeChat public account "Philosophical Survival"
