Dear friends, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor. Today we will continue to read the chapter "Chapter 6 Psychological Counseling: Paying Attention to the Psychological Problems of Modern People" in the book "Peking University Psychology Class". Children's Problems - Fam

Dear friends, I am Miao Baoping, a psychological counselor. Today we will continue to read the "Chapter 6 Psychological Counseling: Paying Attention to the Psychological Problems of Modern People" chapter of the book "Peking University Psychology Class".

Children’s Problems﹣﹣Family Therapy

A psychology professor at Peking University said that for behavioral problems in teenagers, such as friends problems, learning problems, psychosomatic diseases, family treatment methods can be used. Many individual psychotherapy theories pay great attention to the client's growth experience. The importance of family cannot be ignored. If you have read about the upbringing of American serial killers, you will know that it is precisely because of their parents' upbringing that a small number of people embark on the path of destruction. Of course, these are extreme cases. As a person, no matter what family he lives in, he has the ability to self-regulate.

Family patterns that often cause problems for children include: The mother’s strength leads to the daughter’s strength, and the husband and son are weak; The father’s participation is low, the mother brings up the child, and the father’s role is lacking; Parents place too high hopes on the child, resulting in the child’s The pressure is as heavy as a mountain...

A psychology professor at Peking University shared with his classmates a real case about an 18-year-old girl who was sick and unable to go to school.

The girl is called Susu. She is 18 years old. She is in the third year of high school and has excellent academic performance. She has 8 months left to take the college entrance examination, but she is now afraid of going to school. Her parents took her to see a counselor.

Her mother began by describing her daughter's condition. Her mother said: "Susu has been very sensible since she was a child. She has never let her father and I worry, especially about studies. Children in other families have their parents to urge them to study again and again, but Susu does her homework every day when she gets home. A typical good student. A month ago, Susu suddenly complained of headaches every day and couldn't go to school. I took her to the hospital for a checkup. The doctor didn't find anything wrong. He just said it was because of the pressure of study. I don't dare to let her take any medicine. Now that she is in her senior year of high school, time is precious, and she doesn't listen to me and goes to school. I don't dare to force her to do anything if something happens. I heard that there is. The child was forced to commit suicide by his parents, and he was so frightened that he broke into a cold sweat.” The consultant learned about the situation from Susu’s mother, and she believed that there must be something that Susu was hiding behind. The counselor talked with Susu alone.

Susu said: "I didn't dare to let my mother know about this because her hopes for me were too high. Growing up, I rarely suffered any setbacks. My teachers liked me and my parents held me in their palms. When I entered the second grade of high school, I fell in love at first sight with a classmate who transferred from the next class. That day, he was playing basketball on the playground. The first time I saw him, he was lowering his head to shoot the ball. At that moment, he raised his head. When he saw me, our eyes met, my heartbeat stopped for a moment, and it seemed like I couldn't hear anything. We were interested in each other, and we fell in love early. Later, he suddenly broke up, and I was not prepared for it, and he didn't explain it to me. Any reason. I couldn’t figure out why, I just vaguely heard that he was getting married with another girl. But I just couldn’t bear it. I have never lost to others. This hit me too hard.

“I don’t want to go. When I went to school, I felt very painful when I saw him, and I had to pretend as if nothing had happened. Every time I see the two of them together, I feel unsteady and have a headache. I was very tired. It seemed that my classmates had discovered something. I couldn't stand the way they spoke ill of me behind my back. I once thought about committing suicide, but if I did, others would soon find out and look down on me. ”

Susu told the counselor that the real reason why she didn’t want to go to school was that she broke up with this boy. For ordinary people, although breaking up will cause pain to the girl, it is not to the point of not being able to go to school. The counselor found that Susu is a very strong person. , a girl with poor mental endurance. She was very proud. Although her statement did not express this clearly, the counselor still felt it.

Susu's mother said: " When I married Susu's father, my parents and all my relatives opposed it.Because he was a worker at the time, with low education and poor family conditions. And I have a stable job and have a higher education than him. No one was optimistic about our marriage. On the wedding day, no one from my family came. I was very sad at that time, and we both secretly determined that we must work hard to make others look at us with admiration.

"After we got married, Susu's father was very good to me. In order to make Susu and I live a better life, he went into business. At the beginning, the business was not good and we all had a hard time. In order to run the business, he kept I was the one who raised Susu when he was away from home. I had to work alone and take care of the children, so I was worried about whether he was doing well outside. However, I couldn't tell anyone, and no one would sympathize with me. , but they said that I was bringing it upon myself. When I was in too much pain, I would cry at home, and Susu would comfort me and say that she would study hard in the future and help us.

"Fortunately, Susu's father's business is good, and now our life is getting better." The better come. In order for Susu to get admitted to a good university, I am now putting all my thoughts on her and hope that she will be successful in the future.

Susu's father said: "Susu's mother sacrificed a lot for me and suffered a lot. I vowed to let her live a good life." When I started the business, it was really difficult. I never told Susu's mother that I didn't want her to worry about me, and she had a hard enough time alone. We only have one daughter, and everything I do now is to work hard for her and pave the way for her future. "

After listening to what Susu's parents said, the consultant thought that everyone in this family lived a very hard and depressed life. Each of them was under a lot of pressure, and this depressive atmosphere affected Susu's character. Susu's parents have been under a lot of pressure since the beginning of their marriage. In order to prove that their union was correct, the two of them have been working hard. Susu's father has a successful career and a happy family, and Susu's daughter is very supportive of the family. Her parents' expectations, her own expectations, the pressure of the college entrance examination, the competition from classmates, and the pain caused by a broken love have nowhere to vent. For an 18-year-old girl, her love and understanding for her parents are also heavy. She couldn't say anything that would make them have high hopes for her, so she could only escape by being sick.

The counselor asked Susu to recall all the things that made her feel depressed when she was growing up. In fact, she was resentful towards her parents. She had been hiding it and was afraid to admit it. She was afraid of her parents' expectations. The counselor also conveyed Susu's emotions to Susu's parents. Her parents said they couldn't believe it, and at the same time they gradually realized that they had given their daughter too much. Pressure. The counselor conducted several family interviews with them. In fact, her parents were too doting on Susu and were afraid that she would be hurt and wronged. They never gave her independent space to grow, so they chose to avoid dealing with the breakup.

Through the meeting, Susu's parents finally realized that their daughter is an independent living entity and not a tool for them to realize their wishes.

After the consultation, Susu changed. Now she is preparing for the college entrance examination. Her parents' expectations for her do not make her feel so strong. Susu's parents think that after their daughter's college entrance examination, they will go on a trip. Living in a world of two. There are important forces and reactions between family members. Only when each family member is healthy can they play their role well.

Interpretation;

Susu's experience is very complicated. It is representative. It reflects the incorrect methods of many families in cultivating their children and the shortcomings of family upbringing methods.

There is nothing wrong with hoping that children will succeed and daughters will succeed. It is also an inheritance of traditional Chinese culture. The key is that the method must be effective. Everyone should be happy with the result. If parents impose their own wishful thinking on their children and don't care about their children's thoughts and difficulties, especially adolescent children, I think this is a kind of "moral kidnapping" and an unsuccessful model, which is harmful to parents and children. It is a kind of psychological harm to children, and in the end it is "all in vain".

Family therapy is a group psychotherapy model implemented for families. Its goal is to help families eliminate abnormal and pathological conditions so as to implement healthy family functions. Characteristics of family therapy: It does not focus on the analysis of the internal psychological structure and state of individual family members, but focuses on the interaction and relationships of family members; explains personal behaviors and problems from the perspective of family system ; personal Change depends on changes in the family as a whole.

Family therapy is mostly used for adolescent behavioral problems, such as learning problems, friendship problems and neurotic problems, eating disorders and psychosomatic diseases, conflicts between young couples, etc. When there are conflicts between family members and other treatments (individual therapy) are ineffective, or personal conflicts cannot be dealt with in individual therapy, or the family hinders individual therapy, family therapy can be sought.

June 26, 2022