I'm depressed. This is something I never expected. People around me think it's hypocrisy. It's not a horrifying and alarmist disease. It's just a serious illness that I can't bear. But I'm still sure that I'm really depressed because I'm dying every day. What is the reason for th

I am depressed, this is something I never expected.

I am depressed.

People around me think this is hypocrisy.

It is not a horrifying and alarmist disease.

It is just a disease that I am full of.

But I am still sure that I am really depressed.

Because I struggle between death and living every day.

I struggle repeatedly.

What is the cause?

I was originally a very cheerful person

I was pretty, well-connected, and had a fulfilling and happy life

But things have changed since I got pregnant

I didn’t experience morning sickness, maybe it was because my baby took pity on me

But I started having it at the beginning of 4 months Pubic diastasis pain

I was 80 pounds before pregnancy

I was 145 pounds before giving birth

I gained 65 pounds of extra weight. My bones can’t bear the burden of walking and turning over. It hurts me. You grimaced.

So I quit my job and settled down to raise a baby. I was originally married for 5 years. I am very careful about having children

but my husband and my husband do exercise over and over again every day! sports! sports!

My mother-in-law talks about how we were doing at that time every day. We had to do laundry and cooking, and we also talked about what the elderly often said, and we couldn’t sleep all the time, and we couldn’t eat spicy food, snacks, or so much fruit, and then I force you to exercise, exercise, and exercise! I called my relatives and told them that I was motionless, with all kinds of explicit hints...

Because of the special nature of his work, my husband would not come home once a month. I longed for him too much at that time, but I was disappointed every time. My prenatal check-up did not happen. Every time he stayed with me, he always pushed his mother to me. When I went to the hospital, I had to take care of my mother so that she wouldn't get lost...

Finally, I was about to give birth, and suddenly one day I couldn't get up from the bed. He couldn't even turn over. Every time I moved, the pubic bone area felt heartbreaking pain. I called out to my mother-in-law, but she didn’t come to my bedroom because she was asleep or for some reason. I called my husband, but he said he didn’t either. There is no way to give birth without pain. I was so angry that I felt a warm current flowing out of my body. I realized that the situation was serious and called 120 until 120 showed up. My family just came to my room and saw that I was not pretending to be sick...

It was difficult to give birth, and I was severely anemic, so I had an emergency caesarean section.

I was on the operating table and after hearing the doctor say boy, I finally lost consciousness. After waking up again, he went back to the ward, where a group of people talked about the benefits of having a son. I don’t have a mother, so there is no one standing by my bed watching me. I quietly fell in love with my eyes again, silently hoping not to discover me. Don't find me, go to sleep quickly. When you fall asleep, it’s like being dead and you don’t know anything...

I don’t want to recall the next few days in the hospital, or I don’t dare to recall...

After I got a big fat boy, I also said it in front of my husband However, I said let’s see, I knew it would be a son, and he replied: It’s not all thanks to me! The last straw for me was the gorgeous appearance. Confinement made things worse and pushed my thoughts of death to the extreme. I committed suicide for the first time - slitting my wrists. When my blood stained my son's hand, I was discovered and rescued. In fact, I don't think I wanted to die. I just want them to know that they are going to drive me to death...

In the blink of an eye, the baby is already 3 months old, and I have lost my determination to die and the courage to live.

What will happen in the future? I’m really at a loss.