1. Buying fruits at the fruit store
One day I went shopping with my family. I bought a small cactus and put it in a black bag. Then I went to the fruit store to buy fruit. The boss thought I was stealing his fruit, so he secretly pinched me. The black bag, only heard a scream. . . Ouch.
2, H7N9
The waiter served a plate of braised chicken. The people at the table seemed to be panicking. I smiled and said, you people are so ignorant. You will not be infected with H7N9 by eating cooked poultry. Come on, let me go first. Let me eat for you to see. After I finished speaking, I picked up my chopsticks and ate 5 or 6 pieces in a row. People at the dinner table looked at me with surprised expressions,
who the hell are you? !
Oh, I'm from the table next door.
After saying that, I left with a smile.
3. Confession
A boy who has had a crush on for a long time called: Today I am going to confess to the person I have always liked. I am now outside that person’s house. With tears in her eyes, the woman pretended not to care and said: Go ahead! I wish you success.
Male: But I dare not knock on the door. Woman: Knock, be brave (in tears)
Man: You'd better open the door! I still dare not knock.
The woman opened the door with tears in her eyes, and the man smiled and said: Is your brother at home?
4, fell into Huli
Xiamen City has two districts, one is called Siming , and the other is called Huli.
A colleague was transferred from Siming District to work in Huli District. A colleague from out of town called the office to find him and asked: Is Lao Li here? Answer: He is no longer here. He has gone to the lake.
The other party was silent for a while and asked: Why are you so careless? Did you pick it up?
5, Revenge against the Japanese
I was on a business trip in Nanjing recently and met a Japanese tourist on the way. In broken Chinese, I asked my brother if there were any specialties in China and I wanted to buy some to bring back to my friends.
Damn it, it’s time to take revenge on the Japanese! I pointed to a Maimaiti cut cake stall on the street. . . .
6. Why did you make up like Zhu Bajie?
Xiaomei bought a well-known brand of sunscreen. When she first applied it, it was really white, translucent and beautiful, but after an hour or two, she became very oily. Today I talked to my boyfriend On a date with a friend, she was sitting in a restaurant waiting for him. When her boyfriend arrived, Xiaomei wanted to turn around and smile, but as soon as she turned around, her boyfriend paused, his face twitched and said: Why did you make up like Zhu Bajie?
7. Husband cheated on me
Husband: Wife, if I cheated on you like in the article, what would you do?
Wife: Husband, do you know,
I loved watching Smart Ikkyu the most when I was a kid.
Husband: Do you mean that you will use
wisdom to deal with my cheating and our marriage like Ikkyu did?
Wife: No, I mean I
like to sing his theme song very much:
Cut chicken, cut chicken, cut chicken, cut chicken, cut chicken
