1. My second-rate daughter-in-law suddenly said today: "Husband, I think you are so picky." Me: "I am correcting you very seriously. Only those who have money and are reluctant to spend it are called picky. People like me are called...poor!" 2. I protested to my wife: "You have a

1. The second-rate daughter-in-law suddenly said today: "Husband, I think you are so picky."
Me: "I am correcting you very seriously. Only those who have money and are reluctant to spend it are called picky. People like me are called...poor!"

2 .I protested to my wife: "You have always been in charge of our family, when will you let me be the master?"
Wife: "Okay! I just looked at two bags online, you decide which one to buy.

3. Every time a friend and I go to eat, he says he needs to go to the restroom and then asks me to pay. This time, before he could even ask for the check, I hurriedly went to the restroom first. , the waiter stopped me and said: "The man just said that you will pay after you finish using the toilet!" "

4. I just drove out to go shopping. After I got in the car, I adjusted the angle of the rearview mirror. My wife, who was sitting in the back seat, saw me and asked a little shyly: Why do I need to adjust the mirror when driving a car? Me?!
I have never seen such a shameless person!

5. In the office, look, the sun is going down, how beautiful the employees are! : Yes! Taiyang has been working all day. He is so exhausted. He is about to get off work. Can you not be happy?

6. I am planning to give her a surprise for my wife’s birthday. I’ll take you half a day. During the holidays, I cleaned up the house and cooked a table of her favorite dishes. When my wife came back, she was obviously very moved. After dinner, after I had washed the pots and bowls and cleaned the battlefield, my wife lay on the bed and said lazily: Husband, my birthday is tomorrow! !!

7. Many years ago, there was a word called "Internet addiction", which was like a scourge in people's minds. Later, everyone had smart phones. When you suffer from Internet addiction, no one will mention treatment.
8. When you send me a WeChat message and I don’t reply to you, why don’t you try sending a red envelope?

9. I look so beautiful. , First of all, I want to thank my parents. If they hadn’t given me a pair of good hands, would I have been able to make myself look so beautiful?

10. The pregnant wife said: “I really hope I can have a boy! ”
me: “How come you, a woman, have such a serious mentality of favoring boys over girls!
My wife looked at me and said, "That's not what I meant. In fact, I really want to have a girl. They say a girl looks like her father, but with your looks, giving birth to a girl will ruin her life!" "

11. I hope there will be more sincere indifference between people and stop blindly caring about other people's lives.

12. When is the spring flowers and autumn moon, lobster is served with barbecue. There was a strong wind in the small building last night, and I drank until three o'clock in the morning.

13. I was so greedy that I secretly sent a message to my mother on my grandma’s mobile phone: Girl, Mom wants to eat durian. I’ll buy one back later!
I never expected that my mother would forward this message to her without changing a word!

14. I can’t figure out the two major problems in the world: the front and back of USB, and the upper and lower ropes of blinds and .
15. My mother’s WeChat was blocked. During dinner, my mother asked me if I had blocked my WeChat.
I said: Ah, and then I was stunned. My mother said don’t be afraid. I just want to ask how you did it. I want to block your dad!

16. It doesn’t seem like positive energy chicken soup is what forces people to work hard. , but jealousy and vanity.

17. I can see that you are not suffering from loneliness, nor are you suffering from being single. You are suffering from the inability to target syndrome.

18. I said hello to you that day, but you were. Roll your eyes at me. I didn’t expect you to be this kind of person: Rolling your eyes can look so good.

19. My mother has never hit me since I was a child, but every time I did something wrong, she would ask my dad to hit me.
When I talked about this matter with my dad yesterday, my dad said: "Son, you remember. Dad is not the decision-maker of violence, he is just the porter of violence. "

20."Husband, I found that shopping is really healing! I felt dizzy before going out. I spent money on bags and shoes when I went out, and my mood improved instantly. I didn’t feel dizzy or spent any money! "
" Oh, that's not a cure, it's a transfer of my current mind. . . twist. . . pain! "