stupid
One day, the cow asked the donkey a question, asking the two worms under the word "stupid", which one is male and which one is female? donkey racked his brains, but still couldn't answer. The cow scolded: "What a stupid donkey. The male is on the left and the female is on the right!" Don't you know such a simple truth?
drawings
Seven years after graduation, I finally got a big project and built a 30-meter chimney. The construction period is two months and the cost is 300,000 yuan, but I have to advance the money myself. It was finally completed at the end of last year. Today they went for an inspection and were scolded and had no money! As a result, the drawings were held upside down and they wanted to dig a well!
fracture
The doctor asked the patient how he fractured his bone? The patient said, I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I held the pole and shook the shoes. Someone was passing by and thought I was electrocuted, so he picked up a wooden stick and hit me twice!
I won’t go
The turtle is injured. Let the snail go buy medicine. 2 hours passed. The snail hasn't come back yet. The turtle hurriedly cursed: If you don't come back, I will be dead! At this time, a snail's voice came from outside the door: "If you keep talking, I won't go!"
Lost
Someone raised a pig and it was very annoying, so he wanted to let it go. However, the pig knew the way back and abandoned it several times without success. One day, while driving around many corners, he lost the pig. He called his family in the middle of the night and asked: "Is the pig back?" The answer: "Back!" He shouted: "Let it answer the phone, I'm lost!
miracle
" The creditor asked: "Why are you so late? Pay back the money? "
" The debtor said: "Don't worry, I'm waiting for two miracles to happen." The first is that I won the lottery..."
"Dream, you! "The creditor said disdainfully.
"Second, you have to return to the West. "
" Selected from "Modern and Ancient Legends at the End of the Month"
Is my wife being ripped off?
On the other end of the phone, I heard my husband weakly reply: You idiot, if you don’t put my wife back, how will I know where my bank card is?
The kidnapper was furious: You fucking don’t know how. Want to borrow some money?
Husband was shocked: Are you stupid again? My wife is not at home, who dares to lend me money?
From "Folk Legends"
Minesweeper Notice
I was busy cooking after get off work yesterday , at this time the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door I saw my son and a few unfamiliar adults. I quickly asked them who they were, and they said they were property management staff of the community.
When I heard this, I knew that my son must have broken into something. It was a disaster, and the trouble was not small. Even the property management people came to the door. I had to put on a smile, let them into the house, and asked the property management people what happened to my son. "Your son is so naughty. He modified the bulletin board randomly, which seriously hindered our work. When I heard that this was really not good, I scolded my son: "How could you scribble on the bulletin board? You are so naughty!" The son said aggrievedly: "I didn't scribble, I just added two strokes on the bulletin board." "
When I heard this, I thought it was really not a big deal, so why bother with such a big move. Before I could ask the real estate agent for details, the middle-aged man spoke again: "It's true that I only added two sums, but the addition was too extreme. Yes, originally the bulletin board was a snow clearing notice, but your son added two strokes, and now it’s a mine clearing notice! "
(Wu Kun)
Selected from "Humor and Jokes"
The Time of a Cigarette
After the physical examination, the doctor recommended that my father quit smoking. But after smoking for nearly 30 years, my father really couldn't let it go. In this regard, the old man Mom had no choice but to be on guard and not give him any chance to make a mistake.
On this day, my father, who couldn't stand his cigarette addiction, saw his mother clearing the dining table, so he asked for leave and said, "I'm going to go downstairs for a walk." "What are you doing?" My mother asked warily. Dad said, "I've had too much dinner, so some exercise will help with digestion." "Okay, but I'm warning you, don't go downstairs to secretly smoke." Seeing that he was done, Dad vowed: "I've quit smoking a long time ago. , I will never smoke again." After saying that, he turned around and left.
Mom asked from behind: "How long will it take to come back?" The overly excited dad replied without hesitation: "Only one cigarette." "Come back!" Mom roared from behind.
(Jia Shui)
Selected from "Classic Stories"
Innocent Colleagues
Have you ever heard of cheating? Today, a colleague brought the same dishes as me, shredded pork with green peppers, and cucumbers with garlic paste. I saw him while he was reheating the rice.
In the spirit of entertainment, I put my hand on his lunch box and shouted copy, then put my hand on my own lunch box and shouted paste, then opened the lunch box and ate.
This colleague has been pestering me since we started eating. He has been trying to learn this skill for an hour. Who will save me?
Selected from "Folk Legends"
Confucius Pingzi Lu
Once Confucius was in a very depressed mood. Facing his seventy-two proud disciples, he said: "If my ideas cannot be used, I will go overseas on a raft. When I go into exile, I guess only Zilu will follow me! "
Zilu was very happy when he heard this. He always thought that the teacher's favorites were Zigong and Yan Hui . He didn't expect that he would also receive such a high evaluation. He was about to be humble. After two clicks, Confucius went on to say: "Because only Zilu can do this kind of job of running errands to protect people, and there is nothing else to choose from."
(Daliang Ruji)
Selected from "Story World"
Honesty
A: "You What should you buy as a birthday gift for your boyfriend? "
" B: "I bought him a locked diary. I know he likes to write diaries, and he never lets others read them easily. "
" A: " You are so honest."
B: "However, I have an extra key."
Selected from "Legendary Story Edition of Modern and Ancient Times"
#不Laughing, Don't Like## #Laughing to Death Not Paying Life# #What kind of jokes can make people happy## Duan Zishou#
