text/Xue is the treasure of the body
psychoanalyst Winnicott, through observation of nearly 60,000 pairs of mothers and children, put forward many classic terms, "holding" is one of them. Holding
can be understood as acceptance and support.
Winnicott believes that good parents will provide a holding environment, that is, when the child develops well, recognize him; when the child is frustrated, support him.
That is to say, in this kind of holding sex relationship, the child will internalize the external container that he originally obtained into his own heart, forming a high self-stability, and the heart will be stronger, not easily afraid of authority, and not easy to deny himself. .
If we can have a holding relationship, it will be easy to live out ourselves.
So, why is such a relationship easy to live out of self?
Today’s article, let’s talk about it.
1. Holding a sexual relationship is a nourishing relationship
Holding a sexual relationship, in addition to giving the child high self-stability, it also allows the child to move freely in this container, thereby allowing the child’s self-flexibility, self-strength, and Self-organization has been greatly nourished.
is like Heidi in the movie "Heidi and Grandpa". She is always living in a sexual relationship, so she is happy, even if the material life is not so rich, but her spirit is free and sufficient .
initially lived at her aunt’s house. Although the film did not introduce Heidi’s life at her aunt’s house too much, we can tell from her self-confident happiness that her aunt is very good to her, and the pastor has also checked her The body is healthy;
later lived with grandpa. Although grandpa was cold towards her at the beginning, her enthusiasm infected grandpa, and grandpa also loved her very much. Grandpa braved the heavy snow to send Heidi down the mountain, and his good friend Pete Play;
later studied and lived with Lala. Although she was very uncomfortable at the beginning, Lala’s grandma gave Heidi her sincere love. For example, when Heidi didn’t like to learn, her grandma gave her timely encouragement, and These are all supports.
It can be seen that there is always someone in Heidi’s life who provides her with a holding environment, which in turn nurtures her self (aunt, grandpa, and Lala’s grandmother’s embrace of Heidi makes Heidi’s self-owned In addition to strength, and more importantly, she has a strong self-confidence), and this is the profound impact of holding a sexual relationship on a person.
2. Permitting the "bad" part in sexual relations
The main reason why many people are unable to live out of themselves is that they do not allow themselves to be good enough, and behind this "perfect" requirement is that they value the outside world too much. Caused by my own evaluation.
In other words, those who cannot live easily, they feel tired because they are not living in a holding relationship.
To hold a sexual relationship is to allow and accept a person with "bad" parts.
Pursuing perfection can make a person particularly tired, not only because this "perfect" goal cannot be achieved, but also because no one allows them to be "imperfect".
And Heidi's sunshine and self-confidence stem from someone accepting her "imperfection".
For example, when Heidi and Lala were together, Lala accepted her, and did not look down on her because she was from the country. In addition, after living in Lala’s house for a period of time, Heidi developed sleepwalking symptoms because of missing her grandpa , Brought a lot of trouble to their family. But we can see that Lala's family did not dislike her. Lala's father not only invited a doctor, but also allowed her to go home. These all reflect the important role of holding a sexual relationship. When Heidi returned to his grandfather, the symptoms of sleepwalking naturally disappeared.
It can be seen that the holding environment can accept a person's reality and allow a person's "imperfection", which makes it easy for a person to live out of himself.
3. In a sexual relationship, people will grow up again.
We all know that the reason a person lives alone and tired is that he has no relationship to rely on in his heart.
is like Lala in the movie. Since her mother died, she has been unable to stand up. The reason is that she is too lonely, her father is busy with work, and her grandma comes once in a while. The housekeeper and servants around her are not close to her. , So no one can understand the sadness and sadness in her heart, let alone receive timely support.
But when HeidiAfter coming, Lala's life status has changed because she has a relationship that she can rely on in her heart, and this is the benefit of holding a sexual relationship to her.
Heidi could risk being punished and would secretly push her out to satisfy her wish to see the mountains; when Heidi went home, he specially prepared a gift for her and invited her to play in the mountains, etc. Things are healing for Lala, because she feels that someone understands and loves herself. Finally, we also saw Lala stood up after reuniting with Heidi on the mountain.
For Lala, Heidi is equivalent to her "holder", because Heidi makes her "rebirth".
It can be seen that people who live in a sexual relationship will not be easily defeated when they encounter setbacks and difficulties, but will grow up again.
is written at the end:
In fact, each of us needs a relationship of acceptance and holding, because everyone will encounter some setbacks and difficulties in life, and will feel tired. No one understands or supports. The construction of
can be our family members, friends, and of course, psychologists.
For example, Heidi, is equivalent to Lala's "psychological counselor".
This kind of holding sex relationship is like moisturizing soil, allowing our tree of life to grow its own posture, rather than being suppressed; this kind of holding sex relationship is like a large container, which not only holds our "good" ", also includes the so-called "bad"; this kind of holding sexual relationship not only makes us stronger, but also gives us the courage to make choices according to our own ideas.
hope that we can all have a holding relationship and live out ourselves.
End of this article
Thank you for reading
