The root of all human suffering,
stems from the lack of a sense of boundaries.
Author: Insight yebo
There is a line in "The Great Master of ": "When making soup, you must pay attention to the heat. If the heat is not enough, it will be difficult to adjust. If the heat is over, things will be scorched."
The same is true for getting along with others. Once you cannot grasp the sense of proportion, you will also bring trouble and pain to yourself.
Many times, the more accustomed people are, the more unscrupulous they become; the more they look forward to love, the more disappointed they become.
In interpersonal communication, the greatest sobriety is to keep each other's bottom line.
No matter who you get along with, don't just accommodate yourself, and don't expect too much.
1
people, the more they get used to them, the more they become jerks
Wang Xiaobo once said this:
People have two major obligations when they live in the world. One is to be a good person, and the other is not to have the bad habit of spoiling others.
When getting along with others, the more you tolerate others, the more they will take your kindness as a matter of course.
In the end, you will become more and more tired of living in what others take for granted.
has read the story of Mr. Qigong , a calligrapher.
Although Mr. Qi Gong is a famous calligrapher, he has always been approachable. Whenever anyone comes to ask for calligraphy, he almost always responds.
There is a group of people who come to ask for words every now and then.
At the beginning, Mr. Qi Gong happily picked up the pen and gave it to the handwriting.
But gradually, they came more and more frequently, and the number of words they requested each time also continued to increase.
Mr. Qi Gong began to feel overwhelmed. Once he said to a friend with emotion:
"I am not writing now, I am simply brushing words."
Because he was embarrassed to refuse others, he felt very annoyed, and it even affected his main business.
Later, Mr. Qi Gong caught a cold, and the doctor warned him that he needed to rest.
He was worried that the group would come to the door again, so he simply posted a piece of white paper on the door with four sentences written on it:
"Qigong hibernation, visitors are not allowed; if you knock on the door or window, you will be fined one yuan."
The visitors who came to ask for words quietly left after seeing it. After
, Mr. Qi Gong set a rule that all those who ask for words must register with the assistant, and each person can only ask for words once.
In this way, he became much quieter and more at ease.
You may have encountered similar things in your life:
Some relatives, seeing that you live in a big city, ask you to help them with errands. After you finish one thing, there is another.
Some friends, seeing that your career is convenient, come to you when they need something, but their demands become more and more excessive each time.
As a result, not only are you thankless for your efforts, but you also add a lot of unnecessary troubles to yourself.
Bai Yansong said: "Why do others take you less and less seriously? Because you are so easy to talk to."
You compromise without a bottom line, and ultimately spoil others and wrong yourself.
No matter who you get along with, you must maintain your edges and sharpness.
Learn to establish your own boundaries, treat each other with sincerity, and pay with a bottom line.
Be a person with good intentions but thorns in your body, avoid indulging others, and protect yourself.
2
Love, the more I look forward to it, the more disappointed I feel.
Blogger @罗成 shared such a thing.
His company encountered difficulties last year, and the cooperation with another company has never been negotiated.
At this time, Luo Cheng discovered that the general manager of that company was his best friend in junior high school.
He immediately assured the leader that he would take care of the matter.
The next day, Luo Cheng went to meet this close friend.
The attitude of the other party was as eager as before. They smiled and exchanged greetings, and Luo Cheng became more confident in negotiating a cooperation.
After explaining his intention, Luo Cheng smiled and handed over the pen and said:
Brother, just sign the contract and the cooperation will be done...
My dear brother did not take the pen. He smiled and said, "Signing the contract is not a child's play!"
Luo Cheng thought that this was human nature, so he offered to treat the other party to a meal.
At the dinner table, Luo Chengben was ready to introduce the details of the cooperation.
Unexpectedly, the other party just insisted on drinking, chatting about interesting things from the past, and did not mention the cooperation until the end of the show.
The next day, Luo Cheng received the news that the other company refused to sign the contract.
At this time, Luo Cheng realized that he had overestimated this relationship, so that all his expectations were in vain.
There are many such things in reality. People think that good friendship can lead to successful negotiations, and people think that if the relationship is strong, they will not be rejected. After being rejected in the end,
could only laugh at others for their coldness and their own absurdity.
Many times, asking too much of others is torturing yourself. Without expectations, there will be no disappointment.
正如作家廖一梅所说：
人对他人的需求越少，就会活得越自如安详。
No one, even if he is willing, can never fully meet the needs of another person. The only way is to stop yourself.
Life is divided into parts, and as much as we look forward to it, we feel disappointed.
Instead of having too high expectations and making yourself sad and disappointed, it is better to accept the darkness of human nature and learn to recognize people with eyes.
Don’t overestimate relationships, don’t rely on favors, don’t have expectations, and you will naturally not be disappointed again.
3
A truly comfortable relationship
Both are a bit cold
There is a topic on Douban : "What advice do you have from people who have experienced it in interpersonal relationships?"
's highly praised answer is: "Never spoil others, and don't expect too much from others."
People who really live a sober life are somewhat cold when dealing with others.
" Zhang Ailing's Biography " records these two things.
When Zhang Ailing was young, she had a good friend Pan Liudai. The two hit it off and became best friends.
But Pan Liudai often slanders Zhang Ailing behind her back.
In the beginning, Zhang Ailing did not care about her because of the sisterhood.
But Pan Liudai became more and more excessive. Once, she even wrote an article mocking Zhang Ailing's origin:
"She is the great-granddaughter of Li Hongzhang - in fact, this is related. Just like a chicken drowned in the Pacific , Shanghainese talk to themselves when they eat tap water from the Huangpu River, saying they drank chicken soup..."
After Zhang Ailing saw it, without saying a word, she immediately announced that she had broken off diplomatic relations with Pan Liudai and stopped communicating with her from then on.
After Zhang Ailing moved to the United States in her later years, she lived in great embarrassment for a while.
In the most difficult time, I only lived on half a piece of cake and coffee a day.
But even so, she never asked for help from her close friends such as Song Qi and his wife, Xia Zhiqing.
When someone asked her, she said calmly: "I don't want to owe anyone a favor, let alone get looked down upon."
When dealing with anyone, Zhang Ailing always maintains such a coolness and lives a comfortable and free life.
曾听过一句话：“月满则亏，水满则溢；花满则衰，爱满则痴。”
太远或者太近，都是关系的硬伤。
Sometimes it is because one does not know how to refuse other people's requests that cross the boundary, which only causes trouble for oneself;
Sometimes it is because one unintentionally crosses the boundary, creating undue expectations and leading to disappointment.
Zhou Guoping said: "A sense of proportion is a sign of mature love."
No matter how good the relationship is, the boundaries of communication must be maintained. People cannot be accustomed to it, and love cannot be expected.
Only by giving up unprincipled giving and unrealistic demands can we manage a comfortable and comfortable relationship.
▽
writer Li Songwei said that any long-term relationship is inseparable from "restraint":
On the one hand, you must restrain your kindness and have moderate goodwill to get the corresponding respect;
On the other hand, you must restrain your demands, do not expect, do not force, do not owe each other, and naturally make peace with each other.
The most taboo thing when adults get along is not following principles and mistaking sincerity.
If you want your relationship to last, you need to have a good sense of proportion, don't give blindly, and don't overestimate.
Like and . When you get along with others, be more sharp and expect less, and you will gain long-term and comfortable relationships.
