Chinese people have always had the idea of "raising children to provide for old age." In the old days when feudalism was strong, the "son" here specifically referred to sons. Nowadays, the idea of equality between men and women in society has gradually become more and more popular. Regardless of whether sons or daughters, they all need to take on the responsibility of providing for old age.
It is said that parents raise their children when they are young, and children raise their parents when they are old. Many people believe that as long as they have children, they can live in their children's homes when they grow old and have their children be filial to them, so that they can sit back and relax in their old age. Is this really the case with
? After retiring, Aunt Wang lived in each of her children's homes for half a year before she realized where the real place was for retirement. Aunt Wang uses her own personal experience to give everyone a warning.
The following is from Aunt Wang's self-report:
I am 60 years old this year and have retired for the fifth year. My wife is one year older than me and just retired last year. We have a son and a daughter. Our son is 33 years old and our daughter is 28. Both children have settled in big cities through their own efforts and are living a good life.
Our children are usually very filial to us. Before my wife retired, every time they came home to visit us, they always shouted that they would take us to live with them in the city. They would be filial to us and provide for us in our old age.
To be honest, no matter whether we are taken to the city or not, hearing such words from our children makes my heart warm.
But the two children keep their word. Last year, when my wife just retired and my son and daughter came back to visit, they mentioned taking us to the city again.
My wife has just retired, and we wanted to take advantage of our health to spend a few years together without disturbing the children. But it is hard for us to refuse the filial piety of our children, and we also think that we will have to get over it when we get old, and it will be the same whether we go early or late. Now living with our children, we can share some of the pressure in life with them.
My son and daughter agreed that we, the old couple, would live in each of their homes for a year first. After that, we could stay in whose home we liked for a longer period of time.
In short, it is a principle. To make our old couple happy, we must be filial to our old couple.
My wife and I are very happy to have such grateful children.
Some of our neighbors and friends heard that we were going to live in a big city. They all expressed envy and told us to come back often to see them. I feel quite sad to be separated from my neighbors and old friends who have been together for decades.
Soon, my son drove to pick us up to live in the city, and our daughter-in-law and 5-year-old grandson also came with us.
Our daughter-in-law is very enthusiastic to us, calling us "Dad" and "Mom" one after another, which makes her heart feel sweet. Our grandson is very cute and naughty. When he sees us, he pesters us and asks us to take him to buy fun and delicious food.
I thought about when my grandson was born, I originally planned to come over to take care of my daughter-in-law during the confinement period, and then stay at my son’s house to take care of the grandson. However, because my wife broke her foot due to a fall, resulting in a comminuted fracture of , , she had surgery and needed someone to take care of her.
I really don’t have much else to do, so I can only pay my daughter-in-law to hire a confinement nanny.. My son and daughter-in-law were very understanding and didn't ask for our money. They also reassured me that they would take good care of themselves and their children, and just let me take care of my wife.
My son and daughter-in-law hired a nanny for nearly a year, and my in-laws also helped a lot.
After my wife recovered from her foot injury, I originally thought about coming over to help. My son said that my mother-in-law’s house is relatively close and she would come to help when needed, so that my wife and I could take care of each other. My son knows that his wife cannot cook, and he is worried that after I go to the city, my wife will not eat well every day, which will affect his health.
Now, my wife and I are retired and can come to the city together.
When we first arrived at our son's house, we were very happy.
Our son and daughter-in-law bought us a lot of daily necessities and took us to buy a lot of clothes. Our grandson also likes us and pesters grandpa to tell him about the past every day. Every time he talks about something happy, both grandson and grandson laugh from ear to ear.
We usually have nothing to do, so we take the initiative to provide three meals a day and clean the house.
At first, my son and daughter-in-law refused to let us do it, saying that we could hire part-time workers, but since we are here, why spend that money? Wouldn’t it be better to save money to buy toys for your grandson?
It seems that since we intervened in family affairs, the atmosphere at home has become somewhat different. My son is often called into the room by his daughter-in-law to talk, and every time he seems embarrassed and helpless.
We didn’t know what it was at first, but later we found out that it was some of our living habits that our daughter-in-law couldn’t stand.
My daughter-in-law thinks that the meals I cook every day are just the same, and I don’t pay attention to the nutritional mix;
says that we always fill the refrigerator with leftovers, which are heated over and over again, and eating them will cause cancer;
says that we always collect express boxes and put them on the balcony, which cannot be sold for much, and also affect the appearance;
said that we woke up so early every day, making her unable to sleep well;
said that we always taught our children to speak in dialects, which affected their language learning...
My son just told us a few points tactfully, saying that my daughter-in-law was also thinking about us and asked us to pay more attention in the future...
I know that our arrival has embarrassed our son.
I originally thought that we would be different from other families. We originally thought that we would get along very well with our daughter-in-law, and that three generations of the family would live together happily.
Now it seems that we cannot escape the conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, nor can we escape the generation gap between two generations.
I understand that what my daughter-in-law cares about is not some of our living habits, but the fact that we have lived in her home for a long time.
After living at my son’s house for less than half a year, I learned that my daughter was pregnant. My wife and I went to live with her daughter in advance on the pretext of taking care of our daughter.
My daughter and son-in-law started their own business. After my daughter became pregnant, my son-in-law was considerate of her and allowed her to rest at home. My son-in-law was afraid that my wife and I would be tired, so we hired a nanny to do all the cooking and cleaning. My wife and I only had to accompany our daughter.
My daughter is newly pregnant and often feels very depressed at home. My son-in-law often takes us out by car when he is not busy, sometimes to relax locally, sometimes to places a little further away. But no matter where he goes, his son-in-law will make all the arrangements for food, clothing, housing and transportation, so our daughter and we don’t need to worry about anything.
To be honest, my son-in-law really loves my daughter, loves the whole house, is very kind to us, and is very tolerant of us.
My son-in-law is at home, and his eyes are full of our daughter. He doesn’t care about my wife’s and my lifestyle, and he won’t pick on what we didn’t do well.
Overall, I was very comfortable living at my daughter's house for a few months. But when her daughter was in her third trimester of pregnancy, one day, her mother-in-law suddenly came, dragging her suitcase and saying she was here to take care of her daughter and future grandson.
My mother-in-law put the suitcase in the guest room where we stayed and said: "This guest room is a bit small. It's okay for my family to stay here. Naturally, distinguished guests like my mother-in-law and father-in-law want to book a room in a big hotel and specially entertain them."
After saying that, she called her son-in-law to book a room for us.
This behavior of my mother-in-law suddenly stunned us. But when I came back to my senses, I understood: My daughter’s home is not my own home after all. We are always guests in our daughter’s home.
Even though my daughter wanted to stay, we wisely packed up our things and let our mother-in-law stay in the guest room.
We didn’t want to embarrass our daughter and son-in-law, and we wouldn’t stay in a hotel. We just said that we had been homesick for a long time and now wanted to go back to our hometown, so we asked our daughter and son-in-law to take us back.
After returning to his hometown, he suddenly felt a sense of belonging that he did not have at his son's home or his daughter's home.
Living in your own home, everything can be done as you wish. There is no need to change anything, no need to cater to anyone, and there is no risk of being kicked out at any time.
After living in each of my son and daughter's homes for about half a year, I understood: When a person reaches his old age, the most suitable place for retirement is not his son's home or his daughter's home, but his own home!
In the final analysis, in this life, it is better to rely on yourself than to rely on anyone else.
My wife and I have agreed that while we can still take care of ourselves, we will take care of each other; when we get older and lose the ability to take care of ourselves, we will hire a home nanny. My wife and I have a combined pension of 15,000, which is enough for us to live a good life in our later years.
In fact, whether children are filial or not does not depend on whether they keep their parents close to them, but on how much they care about their parents.
Some people take their parents with them and let them become free nannies for the family. They endure hardships and are not well off; some people do not take their parents with them, but they give their parents living expenses every month, often go home to visit their parents, and call them every day to care about their parents. This is a kind of filial piety.
Conclusion:
Parents and children need more understanding and more respect.
Parents should live a good life while they are still healthy and keep a proper distance from their children, so that life will be more comfortable;
Children also need to pay more attention to their parents when they are free, accompany them in time while their parents are still alive, and be filial, and do not regret it when they lose them.
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