The reader wrote to me:
My wife is 6 years older than me. Because we both love photography, we met and fell in love at an event, and my wife pursued me actively. When we were in love, I knew that my wife was older than me, but I was not too terrified of age. During this period, I also asked about her love history, and her reply to me was: I have had two previous relationships. However, what I only knew after we got married: she had a marriage history, and she and her ex-husband's son were already 3 years old.
In fact, I can barely accept that my wife has a marriage history, but I can't accept that she has given birth to a child. What I can't accept is that during our relationship, she deliberately concealed her love history.
does not mean that divorced women do not deserve love, but I am a plain person after all. At least I cannot accept a woman who has a marriage history and has given birth to children. After learning about my wife's "past", I filed for divorce from her. Unexpectedly, because of this incident, I was criticized by many people in our local photography circle: they said I had no pattern and said I was small-minded. Because I have been criticized for a lot of times, I have also begun to doubt myself. Is it really that I am making a big deal?
The wife's ex-husband is a businessman, and their marriage breaks down because of the other party's fickleness. Although the child was awarded to her ex-husband when they divorced, the wife basically kept visiting the child at least 3 times a month. I can understand the involvement between mother and child, but I cannot accept such a married life.
My heart: If she had been in love with her wife, she would have been honest with the truth of her love history, and I would definitely not have walked into the siege with her. Under the current situation, I still insist on the idea of divorce, but I was in a dilemma in the face of public opinion pressure. One thing is certain: I can no longer love my wife now, and even when I see her, I feel nauseous to . I would like to ask: Should I insist on my decision to divorce (I have no children between my wife and I, and we are only 3 months old)?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Marriage life is a tedious process. During this period, there are many things we need to consider and consider:
1) Is there a relationship between the two parties: the first impression between people is very important, this is what everyone calls eye contact. Because everyone's aesthetic standards are different, for this reason, there should at least be a magnetic field that attracts each other. Based on this as a premise, only after two people establish a romantic relationship can their relationship be managed relatively smoothly.
2) Does the money-making ability of both parties satisfy each other: Although money is not the only one in life, it is a must in life. It comes from the fact that there are too many things in life that require money to support it. At least you should not be lazy when managing a marriage. You can't be too weak in doing housework when you have average ability to make money. After all, no one wants to find an ancestor for themselves when looking for a partner.
3) Can you accept the past love history of both parties: a person’s past may not be that important, the key is that a person still values reputation throughout his life. In the field of love, people often have this kind of scrutiny: people who have no marriage history find someone with a marriage history to start a family, and people who have no marriage history will feel that they are at a disadvantage; even if they are son-in-law, they will sometimes be criticized by people around them. Fame is still relatively important in any field.
4) Can both parties eat together: Diet is involved in daily life. If two people can’t eat together at all, there will be no happiness when they are together. It’s like: it’s definitely awkward to live with people who love to eat meat; it’s like: it’s definitely awkward to live with people who can’t eat chili peppers.
5) Can both parties be the same frequency in terms of dealing with people and life: husband and wife are the core of life, but people still have to face too many human feelings in their lives. If husband and wife cannot be the same frequency in terms of dealing with people and life, both parties will naturally be unable to stand the other person's words and deeds, which will cause the two people to have frequent quarrels in life.When there are frequent quarrels between husband and wife, do you think there is still happiness in such a marriage?
6) Can both parties guarantee loyalty to marriage: the two most obvious characteristics of love, uniqueness and possessiveness. If a person has no sense of boundaries with the opposite sex other than his lover, or if there is evidence of infidelity, do you think his lover can turn a blind eye? Especially when extramarital affairs occur frequently in marriage, it is likely to be exchanged for divorce.
7) Can both parties handle the relationship with other members of their lover's family well: In married life, both parents are also factors that cannot be ignored. Perhaps in your cognition, your lover's parents do not have the kindness of giving birth to you, so you may not be filial. The key is that your lover will never neglect his parents just because he got married to you. During this period, if your relationship with his parents is very stiff, it will inevitably affect the relationship between the couple.
8) Can both parties advance and retreat together when encountering things: a person’s life cannot be smooth sailing, especially at the career level. Sometimes, we have this feeling: when opportunities come, even if we don’t work so actively and hard at work, we can still achieve certain results. If we don’t have a good opportunity, it will be difficult for us to succeed even if we work hard. To this end, when facing our careers, we must not mistakenly regard a good platform as having outstanding abilities. Of course, when the opportunity is not very good, couples should also form a situation of mutual encouragement rather than sarcasm.
9) Can both parties form mutual understanding on trivial matters in life: In addition to the above 8 points, couples will also encounter some disputes related to trivial matters in life. It is actually normal for a dispute between husband and wife. The key is whether the two parties can develop more understanding of their lover and be tolerant after the quarrel. Instead of being a trivial matter in life, the relationship between husband and wife has formed a vicious cycle.
Marriage is a multiple-choice question, not a right and wrong question. I often listen to people around me pointing fingers at other people’s love life: 1) It’s not appropriate for you to be with him; 2) You shouldn’t divorce. What I want to say is whether the shoes fit properly is the most vocal. When others do not consult you about emotional matters, it is best not to give evaluations and suggestions on other people's emotional life. Sometimes, we do not need to stand on the commanding heights of morality and ask others to be absolutely tolerant in life, because if some things happen to you, you may not be able to be generous than others. Regarding the relationship, there is no need to follow the fingers and tips of the people around you, just follow the truth in your heart.
Friends should be sincere and bold, especially when facing someone who is likely to marry you, and regarding some important things that have happened to you before, you must give the other party the right to know. If you deliberately conceal some things just because you are worried about losing the other party, this behavior itself is suspected of deceiving the other party. Especially if you have had a marriage history or have children before, don’t hide it, even if the other party knows the truth and gets away from you. Under the current situation, your attitude towards marriage: I feel nauseous when I see your wife and I especially want to get a divorce. Since you have a strong idea of divorce in your heart, you can handle the relationship between you and your wife according to your own ideas. As for too many people around you who go against your wishes, there is no need to care.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
