I am Hua Liaoyige, a woman who likes spiritual growth. Click "Follow" in the upper right corner to share the words that nourish the soul with you every day. Follow me and nourish you and wish you happiness!
01
In the morning, my husband and son finished breakfast and went out together. My husband sent his son to school and then to work. After sending them away, I felt an inexplicable sense of happiness in my heart. I am not showing off my happiness. There is nothing to show off. Isn’t this how every family is? However, I feel a lot of emotion about the happy life I am now.
On the road of emotion, I have lived a hellish life, but, to outsiders, I am so happy.
I remember that at that time, I just graduated from college and left my hometown with my first love boyfriend to Fuzhou. My boyfriend signed a contract to work in Fuzhou. However, after I arrived in Fuzhou, I couldn’t find a suitable job for a long time.
However, at that time, my boyfriend spoiled me very much and I always had money to spend. As soon as he paid his salary, he took me to a big meal, bought me clothes, and traveled around during holidays.
When he was working, he borrowed many plates and asked me to watch one TV at a time. Yes, how happy it is to others in the eyes of such a life without worrying about food and clothing and not having to go to work.
However, at that time, I felt very empty and painful every day, and I lost my temper at all times, and always quarreled with my boyfriend. But, I don't understand why. Later, due to my boyfriend's job transfer, I went to Nanjing with him. Similarly, I did not go to work, and my boyfriend was responsible for all the expenses.
However, God knows that I lived a hellish life during that period, and now when I think about it, I am very scared. My boyfriend works in Shanghai and only returns to Nanjing once a week. I do nothing every day and worry all day long that my boyfriend will leave me. If he leaves me, how can I survive? In order to find a sense of security, I tried every means to prove that he would not leave me. Fear, anxiety, suspicion. . . . . . The inner torment made me lose weight.
I am afraid that the darkest period I have ever experienced in my life. Of course, for my first love boyfriend, he also suffered all kinds of emotions in vain. Finally, of course we separated.
02
Facts have proved that after leaving him, I not only survived, but also lived happier than before. However, for a long time, I dared not talk about feelings anymore, and I had a great fear of the insecurity in my emotions. Because, I once firmly believed that only love is something worth pursuing. However, the first love ended in failure.
Looking back on this relationship, in the eyes of all those who know me, I am so happy. I don’t have to worry about life, don’t have to go to work, and I still have people to raise and spoil. Yes, my first love boyfriend has always been very nice to me and has always pampered me.
However, only I know what kind of pain I am experiencing in that relationship. Happiness is never superficial, nor is it the decision of others. Only I know how painful I am.
Slowly, I got older, and my parents have always hoped that I could get married as soon as possible. So, I met my current husband.
My husband is just a technical secondary school graduate with a very low salary. He basically belongs to the poor at the bottom in this society. However, I met him at the lowest point in my life.
After meeting my husband, he treated me very well. I felt like I grabbed a life-saving straw and quietly trimmed myself under his protection. I don’t value education very much, nor do I value whether he is rich. I have always been very casual.
Days are relatively dull and often quarrel. As the saying goes, poor couples are sad.Once, I thought my life would be extremely miserable.
Later, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also made me unable to cope with it. For a while, I had to cry. Life still needs to go on, I want to be happier by myself. So, I began to learn from Byron Katy's thoughts. For a long time, this method did work and I began to smile.
03
However, the good state does not last long. Fortunately, I met Teacher Shayin's teachings. To be honest, I have never attended the teacher's class, I just read his books, and it has been out of control since then. When all kinds of emotions come, I force myself not to watch mobile phones or TV, face it bravely, experience it, experience it again.
Slowly, I found that my negative emotions were getting less and less, I almost didn’t quarrel with my husband, and it was difficult to get angry with my son. My relationship with my mother-in-law was much better than before. I smiled more and more every day, and I often had an inexplicable sense of happiness and joy flowed out of my heart, just like the current state.
Everything outside has not changed. My husband is a farmer with only a technical secondary school degree and cannot earn a high salary. In addition to doing housework and picking up my son every day, I also have to write manuscripts to make a living.
Many people think that I am living a miserable life now, with old people and young people, and I have to write books every day to make money. However, only I know how happy and happy I am every day now.
Others say that this is not seeking progress, this is being happy with poverty, this is the spirit of Ah Q. OK, if you think so, that's it. I don't need to care about anyone's opinions or ideas, because I have developed the ability to make myself laugh. I like this state and I enjoy this happiness.
When everyone thought I was happy, my heart was suffering like hell; now, everyone thinks that I am living a miserable life, my heart is blooming like a flower.
I also understand that because my heart has become happy, my marriage has become so happy. I never care about how others think of me. A graduate student actually returned to the countryside and married a rural husband.
If I were asked to re-select, I would make the same choice. There is no need to prove anything to anyone. I just care whether my laughter is getting more and more, whether my heart is getting more and more joyful, and whether my life is becoming more and more comfortable.
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Author introduction:
Hualiaoyige, a woman who loves cultivation and loves life, focusing on spiritual growth. Follow me and meet a better self with you.
