The reader wrote to me and said:
The mother-in-law is 5 years older than my husband. When my husband and I fell in love, the mother-in-law had already gotten married. The news I heard from my husband: The mother-in-law's marriage life is not happy. Because I was too lazy to ask the details, I didn't feel at ease with this matter (my understanding at the time was that I wouldn't deal with my mother-in-law often after marriage). When my husband and I got married, my in-laws had already prepared a wedding house for us. At the level of dowry, our family just asked for some accordingly (not as much as my parents gave us). After marriage, my husband and I kept going to our parents-in-law’s house once or twice a month, because we had fewer dealings, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law was naturally reasonable. The following year of marriage, I was in confinement. During this period, I insisted that my mother serve me. My mother-in-law occasionally went to my house, and I also welcomed her (I didn't ask my mother-in-law to serve me during the confinement period, mainly because I was worried that there would be conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law during this period, which would lead to a weakening of the relationship between husband and wife).
When my husband and I were in the fourth year of marriage, my mother-in-law and her husband divorced. Afterwards, my mother-in-law lived back to my mother-in-law's house. Or my mother-in-law often naggs her, which leads her to visit our house whenever she has time. At the beginning, my mother-in-law got along well with me, but after she witnessed the happy life of my husband and I, she began to frequently make trouble between me and me. This led to more quarrels between my husband and I. Once, I was so angry that when my mother-in-law came to my house, I directly issued an order to expel her. After my mother-in-law left my house, my husband began to shout at me: That's my real sister, how can you do this? This time, I did not quarrel with my husband, but just calmly reminded her husband: When your sister did not divorce, think about the relationship between us; and then look at the relationship between us after your sister divorced.
After that, whenever my mother-in-law came to my house again, I would not tell her or cook for her. When she saw me like this, she rarely went to my house. However, my husband no longer quarrels with me because my mother-in-law comes to my house. As my mother-in-law came to my house less often (I haven't been to my house for a month recently), my relationship with my husband returned to a relatively normal trajectory. I wondered: My husband is my mother-in-law's younger brother, why can't she stand the stable relationship between me and my husband?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
One person’s concern for another person mainly comes from two aspects: 1) Because he loves someone, he attaches great importance to his words and deeds; 2) Because he has paid a lot in someone, he especially hopes that the other person will be happy. If there is no connection between two people with love and no connection between them, the relationship between them will appear to be relatively dull. When people are indifferent, they will naturally not affect their emotions because of what the other person does. For this reason, those who can often affect their mood are those they care more about. However, love is not a bondage. Once two people love too much, it is easy to lead to the result: the tighter they hold, the easier it is to lose. For this reason, there is a phenomenon in the field of love: those who have loved deeply often lie on the blacklist of their address book. Obviously, this phenomenon is caused by the way of love that is to be discussed.
Regarding the difference between marriage and love, people often lament: love is a matter for two people, and marriage is a matter for two families. It is because people cannot have no contact with their lover's family members after getting married. In this case, you may be kind and kind, but it is not ruled out that your lover's parents or brothers and sisters have more difficult existences. To this end, just keep your face and live a good life with your lover’s family after marriage and let yourself show kindness. If you meet your lover's parents or siblings, please let yourself deal with each other more, otherwise you can live a good life on weekdays.
However, some people are nosy people, or shit-stumbling people. Even if you don’t take the initiative to participate in their lives, they will get involved in your life. The key is that it does not play a good role, but gives sow discord. In fact, more than 10% of the conflicts between husband and wife are caused by other members of the family.In this case, it may be the most rational choice if the lover can realize that other members of his family have played a role in destroying the stability of his marriage and keeping away from other members of his family. The most troublesome thing is that some people know that their family members are sowing discord, but they still have to let the wronged party be generous and give such a statement: He is old, don’t be petty with him; or, after all, he is my relative, and I can’t do anything about it.
In fact, when encountering some meddling and messing around, the easiest way is to strip him from your life. It does not mean that relatives should turn against each other. Being able to maintain mutual help during festivals and in times of trouble has given each other enough. The reason why many people in modern times think that relatives are no longer close is that they think that relatives do not play a good role in their lives, but instead they are fully exerted in the gossip. Of course, some people with more positive minds can still show frequent exchanges with relatives. For this reason, when some people were once polite to you and then no longer polite to you, you might have a self-reflective consciousness: Why did you eventually live like a lot of people around you?
When your mother-in-law just divorced, the reason why your mother-in-law nagged her was that she knew her nature better (knowing that your mother-in-law was the fault party for the divorce). In this case, your mother-in-law couldn't stand your mother-in-law's frequent nagging and could only visit your family. Although the frequent visits to your family have disturbed your life and your husband, you will eventually feel that your sister is a little pitiful after the divorce and will be polite to her. But when she was sowing with the relationship between you and your husband, you were naturally unhappy. The result is: You and your husband frequently quarrel. In fact, your husband also knows that your mother-in-law is a mess, and he still thinks she is divorced; it is her own sister, and I hope you can take more responsibility.
When there is a frequent quarrel between you and your husband, you know that if you don’t turn against your sister, it may lead to your divorce from your husband. In this case, you will no longer be polite to your sister. At the same time, you also remind your husband: it is because of his sister’s arrival that there are too many conflicts in the relationship between husband and wife. Your husband will reflect on this and think that this is indeed the case. The result is: When you are no longer enthusiastic about his sister, your husband will no longer blame you. In this case, your relationship with your husband is back on the trajectory of health. I would like to remind everyone: No matter whether it is your children or your brothers and sisters, please do not point fingers in the other person's marriage life, just take care of your own acre of land.
Postscript:
In a very small number of families, this phenomenon occurs: the marriages of brothers and sisters are not happy, or both are exchanged for divorce. At this time, do you really have to blame your brothers and sisters for not being reliable? Instead, you need to reflect calmly on your way of doing things. In life, it is very important to deal with people. If the people who deal with them will always bring you some bad experiences, please remember to stay away in time.
Some people may not be sowed away from other people's marriage life, but their way of doing things is like that. As a result, after being in contact with such people for a long time, they will feel that they give you too much negative energy. Whether it is friends, lovers, or relatives with such people, it is a very tiring experience. In this case, it is wise to let the other party not intervene in his own life.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
