The reader wrote to me and said:
When I met my wife, I was 24 years old and my wife was 21 years old. At that time, I just started working and my wife was still in college. We met through online social platforms. The original intention of provoking my wife at that time: I was a little lonely after work and wanted to find a playmate for myself. In this relationship, I naturally have to be kind to my wife and win her favor for me. Unexpectedly, after spending time with my wife for a long time, my relationship with her also changed: I had the urge to marry her. The year after my wife graduated from college and found a job, we walked into the siege hand in hand.
After marriage, accompanied by the birth of children and the friction of trivial matters in life, the quarrels between me and my wife have become more and more. In this case, I feel that my marriage life is no longer happy, and I even feel that my wife's existence has formed a restraint on me. During this period, driven by the rebellious psychology, I often asked my friends to get drunk. This led to my relationship with my wife entering a vicious cycle. Later, in order to vent my dissatisfaction with my marriage life, I found myself a lover.
During my dating with my lover, I was relaxed, but my wife discovered the matter between me and my lover. At this time, my wife scolded me and even fought me. After she vented her emotions, she forced me to choose between her and her lover. I didn't know what was wrong at that time, but she actually chose a lover. At this point, my wife filed for a divorce from me.
During the time we were having a divorce, I thought a lot of things in my mind: I felt it was not easy to stumbling with my wife all the way, and I felt that living with my wife was unhappy, which led me to hesitate about whether to divorce or not. However, facing my wife's constant urging me to get a divorce, I still agreed to complete the divorce procedures with my wife. But on the way to go through the divorce procedures, I could truly feel my heartache. For this reason, I regretted the divorce on the day of my divorce: I blocked all contact information from my lover in front of my wife, and knelt in front of my wife and begged her to forgive me. That day I forced my wife to "drag" home. My truest thought now is: live a good life with my wife.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
When people are in love, they often treat this relationship with the other person's strengths and attract them; after getting married, they often examine this relationship with the other person's weaknesses in front of them. When the shortcomings of your lover are constantly amplified, you will naturally feel that your lover is a bad existence. Driven by this mentality, you will show an impatient attitude in front of your lover. In fact, what has changed is not your lover, but your attitude towards your lover. When two people live together, different scenes will inevitably occur at some point. At this time, you should not blame your lover for not understanding and tolerance enough for you, but you should know how to think from the perspective of others: if your lover also presents the same lifestyle as you, you may not be able to be open-minded.
Why quarrels occur in life are usually caused by two reasons: 1) You are unconscious in life, which makes your lover unable to stand your words and deeds. After having some tolerance for you, you find that you are still unconscious and have to think about you in a mess without getting angry. The original intention of your lover to think of you is not to hope that you will talk back to him, but to hope that you can restrain your behavior that is more disgusting to him; 2) Because everyone has different perspectives on things, sometimes you do not think that there is anything wrong with your words and deeds, but it is inappropriate in your lover's cognition, which leads to your lover to give you silences. When facing the thoughts of your lover, you should have a self-reflection awareness: if there is, change it, and if there is no, encourage it.
I believe many people have seen scenes of parents quarreling during their growth. Recalling the reasons for parents quarreling are usually due to trivial matters. However, when some improper and small links appear frequently in life, they will definitely lead to dissatisfaction with your lover. Of course, through quarrel, you can often subtly correct some people's living habits.As long as both parties still have love in their hearts and still have the mentality of continuing the marriage, after the quarrel, they will give different degrees of self-reflection and learn to take care of their lovers, so that the couple can find more balance in their lives. Only in this way can the relationship between the couple develop in a healthy direction. If you only feel upset when facing your lover’s complaints but are unwilling to take care of your lover’s feelings, the relationship between husband and wife will only lead to a vicious cycle.
Everyone will have more or less shortcomings, or they will have some behaviors that make their lover unwilling to endure. At this time, the lover will definitely endure it a few times and then have silly thoughts. When facing the thoughts of your lover, you should have the mentality: summarize what things your lover is prone to getting angry, and try not to touch your lover's impatience in your future life, instead of facing the thoughts of your lover and feeling that you are bound. In fact, in life, we not only deal with lovers, but also with colleagues and relatives. If we can be more tolerant of people around us and learn to think from the perspective of others, we will find that we will become more and more open-minded and will become people who make more people more willing to get close to us.
There are often such scenes in life: at some point, you have gritted your teeth for your lover and have the urge to divorce, but when you really face divorce, you will feel too much reluctance, which is because your lover is not that unbearable, because you begin to examine your lover's efforts in your marriage life, and because you begin to affirm your lover's strengths at this time. To this end, when examining your partner, you should start from the overall situation and make a more realistic judgment on your lover, rather than focusing on your lover's shortcomings and infinitely enlarge your lover's shortcomings. In fact, feelings cannot escape the fate of opening high and closing low and closing . When feelings move from a rich period to a dull period, being able to collect the down-to-earth and beauty of life in a dull life is the attitude we should have.
Things we need to understand about life: life is not only joy, but also quarrels and misunderstandings. It comes from the fact that couples are just companionship, and they are not the shadow of each other, which makes it inevitable that two people will have different cognitions when looking at some things. During this period, when we examine our lover's attitude towards ourselves, we mainly consider the following indicators: 1) Does your lover have the minimum concern for you on weekdays; 2) Does your lover guarantee loyalty to your marriage; 3) Do you want your lover to be happier in your marriage? If your lover's mentality is correct, you should be more tolerant of your lover's daily behavior. When you really can't compliment your lover's thoughts, you can try to reason with your lover.
Editor:
Two people can fall in love and form a marriage result, which means that there must be a magnetic field of mutual attraction, that is, love. However, after marriage, the two people also need to accept the different factors in each other and take care of each other's feelings as much as possible. Only in this way can the married life develop in the direction of happiness. Instead of facing the care of your lover's thoughts, you don't listen to your advice at all, or don't nag your lover endlessly because of something big.
Many people have this kind of complaint in their married life: they always feel that their lover doesn’t understand themselves. In fact, you must also understand your lover as much as possible. Marriage is a life of a partnership. During the process of marriage, couples should think from the perspective of others regularly. When couples are willing to make some changes and fine-tune for the happiness of their marriage life, their relationship will naturally develop in the direction of happiness.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
