Thoughts about entering the fourth month of life:
Time flies, I paid my rent for this month yesterday. The 30 days of last month were considered bad, and the planned part-time job date was not completed by time. If it was done smoothly, you could earn more than 4,000 yuan. Sometimes it really verifies the ancient saying "There are sometimes things that must be there in your destiny, and don't force it if you don't have it." For example, in terms of knowledge, I have been encountering setbacks since childhood, as if there is a mysterious force that prevents me from obtaining knowledge. However, since ancient times, it has been difficult for people at the bottom to obtain knowledge. Now, people at the bottom will still be hated by many people. My life is like being cursed, my mother committed suicide, I ran away from home, forced to self-harm, deprived of work opportunities, being vilified and alienated, being excluded and suppressed, being summoned by the police station, being forced to be sent to a mental hospital, books are frequently lost, etc. These are undoubtedly all revenge for me that I am keen on seeking knowledge and are unwilling to integrate into vulgarity or ugliness. It is really "I have to have some destiny, but don't force it when I have no destiny." Just say, my adoptive father, he got married twice, was tragedy . After the first marriage, his son committed suicide, his wife died of illness, and the second time my mother committed suicide. I ran away from home, and I didn't go back to attend the funeral. He wanted to have a last resort, but it was still no later. Destiny destined that some people had nothing. No matter how hard they tried, they still had nothing in the end. Yesterday I signed up for a part-time job, which was unpacking women's clothing. But today I couldn't get up and felt very tired. I had to tell the agent that I had a cold and kept sneezing. I couldn't get through it. It's really "I have to have some destiny at some point, and don't force it if I don't have time."
left Fujian and went to Jiangnan. I lived another month. My luxury was to have less right and wrong, have something to do, and be able to pay back all the money I had with my credit card. In recent years, I have basically destroyed my work in Fuzhou, and my part-time job was banned. The online request for help was also destroyed. I didn't have enough money to leave. In the end, I was able to escape from that magic cave by relying on the money cashed out by credit card. Fuzhou is not big, it must be a purgatory for me, but it is naturally a very good city for others. Just talk about nucleic acid. In the years when I was in, I could take buses and subways as long as I had a green code. It didn’t take 72 hours. Only when I went to some exhibitions with a 48-hour nucleic acid required to work, I would do nucleic acid. I usually take buses and subways with a green code. Fuzhou is not big, so you can usually get to work by subway or bus. If the city is too big, the distance will become far away. Whether it is taking bus or taking subway, many places really can't catch up. I just imagine that it takes more than two hours to walk in a distance, and after arriving at the station, I can’t ride a bicycle, which is inconvenient for a large city like me. I was helpless when I left Fujian. The local destruction of me began since I was a child, and there was a lack of a strong humanistic history. Unlike Jiangnan, there is history and literature everywhere, even Jiangnan is corrupt. But as long as there are the existence of ancient history, you can feel the humanistic atmosphere spiritually. These things do not depend on matter, but on spirit. I am a person who escaped from Fujian because I was destroyed by Fujian and had no home. I am also a person who has no roots. My coming and going, life and death can only be left to fate. My mother and adoptive father cannot escape the destruction of fate. How can I escape fate? What's more, now is an era where culture is forgotten.
In the past three months of Jiangnan, I still had no job and could only find some part-time jobs to survive. I am self-aware of my own work. I am from another province and I am older. Behind it, there is inevitably some sarcastic voice behind it that affects my livelihood. When I am free, I will go to West Lake to visit, mainly to worship the cemeteries of historical figures. Some people say that many of the cemeteries were rebuilt later. In the last century, someone said that West Lake was too ghostly, which meant that there were too many graves, so a large-scale grave relocation movement occurred. Many graves were excavated, which was another displacement for the deceased. The tombs of celebrities were later restored and protected, and of course the whereabouts of ordinary people were unknown.Many people are used to going to the Broken Bridge when they go to the West Lake. Leifeng Pagoda . I prefer to worship the tombs of historical figures. I think these are the cultural essence of West Lake. I will bring Red Star Erguotou , sprinkle it in front of the tomb, and bow it. I appreciate their deeds. These are all considered education, the spirit and belief of a nation, the cornerstone and honor of a city. If a city has no history, culture, and ideas, then it will have no soul, no spirit, and no education. If you want to save all living beings, of course, you must first persuade your studies. To maintain the nation, of course, you must protect the nation's history. Back then, the great powers were rampant in China, followed by a large number of missionaries. What they did was to eliminate our civilized beliefs and erase our historical memories. Just imagine that a nation loses cultural belief and lacks cultural confidence, then everything from outside will be high above. Those who sneer at me are almost all people who lack cultural confidence. They are unwilling to study and seek knowledge on weekdays. They only care about their food and drink, they are not educated and look down on culture. In order to prove their superiority, they can only do things that can hurt the wrongs. It is really a sad thing for uneducated people to be so popular.
I don’t know if there are people like me who would bring wine to worship the ancients. I have seen people who filmed videos. He was shooting videos in front of Qiu Jin’s tomb while explaining Qiu Jin’s heroic deeds. Shooting videos is also a way of dedication. How could he tell Qiu Jin’s deeds without knowledge? If he wasn’t keen on humanities, how could he choose historical figures? Qiu Jin’s tomb is relatively easy to find. It is right by the lake, and it is a bus stop after a few steps. It is easy to find the tomb of Su Xiaoxiao , just by the bridge, and pedestrians can see it at a glance. Some tombs seem to be ignored, and only local people know about them, such as local workers, such as security guards and cleaning people, or local villagers. When I look for historical figures, I rely on map navigation. Some of them do not have one. I had to search on Baidu and ask people when I arrived at the place. Many tourists didn’t know because they didn’t come to find the cemetery like me. Finally, I asked the security guard. The security guard was very surprised that I would look for someone’s cemetery and said that no one went to that cemetery. It can be seen that few people like me are a little crazy and a little crazy. Some tombs are still unwelcome even on the side of the road. For example, Sun Huaweng’s tomb, he is a poet of the of the Song Dynasty. Because I also love literature, I also write poetry, and it’s nonsense. But as the same hobby, I have a feeling of being a fellow man for these people, and I will naturally appreciate each other. Although some tombs are often in places where tourists often appear, they seem to be ignored. For example, the tombs of Su Manshu are densely planted and trees. If they were not searching for them specifically or passing by by chance, they would not know that there was a cemetery inside. If they were not scholars or people who love literature, who would care about him, a talented man. Worshiping these people will make me feel refreshed and feel like I am familiar with each other and gradually getting better. It seems that I have known them in their era. Perhaps this is the power of spiritual divine friendship.
I am different from tourists. They are in groups of three or five, and it is easy to take photos. I am only alone. If I want to take photos, I have to wait for people passing by. If the other party doesn’t take photos well, I can’t force myself to take photos again. After all, others are passing by and I don’t know each other. Sometimes when I asked pedestrians to take pictures, the other party even left with wide eyes, thinking that I had some trap to deal with him. Once, I was wearing a suit and carrying a bag, and the other party thought that I was a salesperson. Before I could speak, the other party quickly waved his hand and said no, which made me laugh and cry. Tourists are truly traveling around. They can take a walk and enjoy everything around them. I am different. I feel like I am on the way. After worshiping one tomb, I continue to look for the next tomb. I don’t have time to appreciate the scenery around the cemetery seriously. If I have friends and are friends in literature, I can make an appointment to travel and recite poems and write poems. Anyway, it is all entertainment. It is not , Tang Dynasty , and if I write good poetry, I have the opportunity to make a name for myself. Since the society is very impetuous and hysterical, it is also a good thing to have something to comfort me in my spirit.Literary passion is more suitable for young people. They have no burden and can let themselves go. When a person gets married, it is easy to be eliminated by life when he has a family. People around the age of me are basically people with families. Unless they are celebrities, they can maintain literary passion. If they are ordinary people, most of them will be forced to give up. It is difficult for me to resonate with such people. When I was young, I did not make friends with my confidants, and when I was old, it was even more difficult to make friends with my confidants. I am a low-class person, and in the eyes of mature people, I have no value at all. I have always lived at the bottom, wandering and suffering from destruction. All those who don’t like me are basically people who lack literary passion. In their eyes, I am a heretic. They feel that my every move is so rebellious and have ulterior motives. (November 2022)
