Good marriage / Two people practice together
Text / Sea Wolf
Many men have faced difficulties such as html :
mAt a problem in marriage, if follows your wife , you will feel uncomfortable and your wife will become more and more arrogant.
does not follow your wife , and your wife will be very angry and will constantly blame yourself, and the two will clash. What should I do with
? It seems that nothing is right. Some men are even forced to the end and feel that there is nothing they can do. They just want to solve the problem through divorce.
But in fact, can you guarantee that the next marriage will not repeat the same problem? It's very difficult.
Today, let you analyze it carefully, so that you can find the third way, and you can resolve the conflict well. The two of them are still happy and happy , and their marriage will become sweeter and sweeter.
01
It goes well or not, and it goes against the original intention of marriage
Before solving the problem, let’s first look at why it is difficult to be happy even if it goes well or not.
is very simple, because following or not goes against the original intention of marriage - find a partner who can support each other and support each other, and face the ups and downs of life together. Why do you say that?
For example, when a man encounters a conflict and can only choose to follow the woman, it means that in this marriage, everything is centered on women and . Women's feelings and needs are higher than everything, and men do not exist.
Women may be "happy", but what about men? He must be wronged and depressed.
can last for a while, but it cannot last for a lifetime. After all, wherever there is oppression, there must be resistance.
Similarly, if you encounter problems, a man only has his own feelings and needs in his eyes. He ignores the woman's thoughts and chooses not to follow the woman and do his own thing. The woman must not do it either. must criticize and accuse the man, and the two of them clashed.
So, if you follow or not, there is only one dominant in this marriage, and the other is an affiliate. The dominant in is so popular that he can no longer see the feelings of the appendix. The appendix also suppresses anger in his heart, and always wants to seize the position of the dominant. Two people like
are completely competitive and hostile relationships, and there is no trace of partnership.
Anyone who gets married is for a happy life. What we need is not the enemy, but the partners.
We don’t want to live in chaos all day long. Both of us only have ourselves in our eyes and are unwilling to give in to each other because we can argue with all small things and there is no room for negotiation at all.
That partner not only can't shelter us from the wind and rain , but will become the biggest storm in our lives. Our mood is bad, our energy is also occupied, and work, taking care of children, and socializing will be affected. We can't feel relaxed when we get home.
Then such a life goes against the original intention of getting married.
02
responded to her, but she may not agree to her
Then you may ask, I also hope that marriage is a partnership, but what should I do?
For example, if she made a harsh request to me, I definitely can't follow her, but if I don't follow her and she is not satisfied and makes a fuss with me, what should I do?
At this time, we can take the third path: responds to her, but we may not agree to her .What does
mean?
For example, in such a scenario:
Xiaolin was angry at her mother-in-law because of the child's education problem, and then returned home, and said to her husband angrily: " I will never take my children to your parents' house again. The good habits I finally developed were spoiled by them again! You know that watching the fun next to me will not help me at all! "
At this time, according to my husband's usual thinking, he might only see two ways in his eyes:
promised his wife, but he felt wronged in his heart - why don't my parents look at my grandson, and why should I stop me from fulfilling my filial piety? You are too strict, you can make such a big deal if you have a small matter.
does not agree to my wife and advises her to give in to her parents more, but this will definitely make Xiaolin angry -Xiaolin will feel: "I worked hard to educate my children, hoping that their children will develop good habits, but they feel that there is no need to be so strict. How can I educate my children in the future if I complain to you, and you can't understand me, and I'll let me give in to the elderly more, which really disappoints me."
So, these two paths are the worst.
At this time, give everyone a direction, don’t worry about agreeing to your wife “whether you go to your parents’ house”, but you have to respond to your wife:
1. I understand your feelings;
2. What are my feelings and thoughts;
3. How should we reach an agreement from the middle.
For example, the husband can see his wife's feelings first and express his understanding of his wife:
"Are you very disappointed with me? Just now at my parents' house, my parents said in front of the child that you are too strict, which caused the child to not listen to you. The good habits you have finally cultivated for the child were destroyed again. .
I didn't stand on your side in time, and these made you feel very angry. We did not understand your hard work and did not pay attention to your educational achievements."
At this time, the husband can pause and confirm her feelings with his wife.
My wife may say at this time: "Of course I'm very angry. I'm the only one who cares about my children. My parents don't understand me and always say I'm strict and you don't help me. In the eyes of children, it seems like I'm the bad guy. "
Xiaolin will express a lot of anger, which is a normal thing.
The ice is not cold for a day. It is precisely because she has accumulated too much dissatisfaction in her heart that she does not believe that her parents-in-law will change, nor does she believe that her husband will stand on her side. She uses this extreme expression - not to go to her parents-in-law's house to deal with the problem.
Next, the husband can express his inner feelings to his wife and strive to gain his wife's understanding.
For example, the husband can continue to say, "I know you don't want to go to your parents' house. Every time you go, it makes you feel very angry. They don't know to deal with the problem from your perspective.
I understand your idea, But if you really deal with it like this, I feel very embarrassed. If you don't let you deal with it like this, you will feel very embarrassed. This is really a dilemma.
Then, the husband can continue to communicate with Xiaolin to see if he can find a compromise plan.
Husband can continue to say, "You see if we can find a suitable plan, which will not make me embarrassed, but will satisfy you?
I seriously reflected on myself. I did not do it properly. I did not take into account your situation or the future development of my children. From my perspective, I want to unite the front with you and work together to cultivate good habits for children.
I will also talk to them on my parents, so that they can know that they should not always interfere with our children's education. We will draw the boundaries clearly and ensure that similar problems will not occur again in the future. What do you think? "
When your husband expresses this way, Xiaolin will temporarily get some relief because of understanding. She will feel: "You can finally understand my embarrassment. I am not an unreasonable person. I really can't understand your parents, and I can't understand you.”
Of course, Xiaolin will not trust her husband immediately. This requires her husband to take action, communicate with her parents in a solid manner, and gain the understanding and support of her parents.
Many times her partner makes excessive demands, which seems unreasonable, but in fact, the purpose of TA is not to make you really agree to specific things. TA wants your attitude. hopes that you can see her situation, you can catch her emotions, and you have the courage to face problems with her.
If we really follow this idea and solve problems in this way, then the marriage will definitely become warmer and warmer, and you and TA enjoy this relationship.
Of course, I know that many people have not done this, which may be difficult, but when we really do this, you will find that many of the difficulties you face can have a proper solution, and your relationship will become better as a result.
If you still don’t know how to communicate with the other party in this process, or if you want to learn more communication methods, you can subscribe to my column "Effective Communication Technique for Marriage, Quickly Break the Damage for Relationship", teaches you step by step to improve marriage satisfaction.
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