The reader wrote to me and said:
Before my husband married me, he had a marriage history, and I was the first marriage. My husband and I met and found out through online social platforms, and finally got the result of our marriage. When I met my husband, he and his ex-wife did not divorce. I didn’t know that he had a wife at that time. It was only after I was sincere to my husband that he confessed to me that he was true to him in the emotional field.
I am a local girl in Chengdu. My husband’s hometown is in a county town in Sichuan. When he was working in Chengdu, he was separated from his ex-wife for many years. When my husband provoked me, he just wanted to find a temporary partner for himself. And I am an only child, and my family conditions are reasonable. The reason why I was willing to date my husband was because of his appearance, and I am a typical fantasy girl. After dating my husband for nearly a year, I hoped to marry him. Only then did my husband tell me that he had a wife in his hometown. After hearing this news, I was very angry and immediately asked my husband to break up.
3 months after we broke up, my husband came to me with the divorce certificate . Because I still had feelings for my husband at that time, I accepted him again, and after we got back together for more than a month, we got married. As of now, we have been married for 8 months and I am pregnant.
A few days ago, after my husband got drunk, he confessed to me one thing: he actually had a daughter between him and his ex-wife, who is currently 3 years old. When he divorced his ex-wife, his daughter awarded him the sentence, and his daughter lived in his hometown with his parents.
To be honest, I don’t want to be the stepmother of his ex-wife and his daughter, but in the face of such a reality, I can only forgive with tears. In the end, my husband and I discussed it: when our child is one or two years old, we will take him and his ex-wife's daughter to live with us. Although I was angry at the fact that my husband deceived me, I still loved him, and he and his ex-wife's daughter were innocent.
At the moment, I have been comforting myself to be generous, but at some point, I still feel unstable involuntarily. I want to ask: How should I adjust my emotions?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Your husband met his ex-wife at the age of marriage. At that time, his ex-wife was his best choice. But after they got married, because of the necessity of making money, your husband came to Chengdu to work hard. His ex-wife had to stay in her hometown for the time being because she had to take care of her children and her parents. At this critical moment, your husband wanted to find a temporary partner for himself through the online social platform because of his loneliness. At this time, you won the bid. When you first date with your husband, he must have been with you with a cynical attitude, but humans are emotional animals after all, and humans have the feelings of moving to a higher level. In this case, your husband feels that living with you is more nourishing than living with his ex-wife, so the emotional balance begins to tilt towards you. During
, your husband actually thought about divorce, but because of the innocent child, he did not take practical actions, and your husband was also worried that after he took the initiative to confess his emotional truth to you, you would be withdrawn from him. Just in the face of your marriage requirements, your husband can only take the initiative to explain the truth of his emotional field to you. In this case, it is indeed the result of your breakup with him. At this time, your husband finds that he has fallen in love with you, and in order to fight for the possibility of being with you, he must divorce his ex-wife. During this period, your husband was not sure that after he divorced his ex-wife, you would definitely accept him again, but he wanted to take a gamble, and he eventually won the bet. But he continued to conceal the fact that he had a daughter between him and his ex-wife.
Why does he hide it? He is worried that you will not be able to accept that you will be a stepmother immediately after you get married. In fact, your husband waited until you became pregnant before confessing to you. He said while drunk that this was actually a pretext, because that was what he planned. He will feel that you already have children and you will not divorce him easily. In fact, your husband has bet right this time.Between the above, my evaluation of your husband: 1) Be able to understand your psychology well; 2) Although there is a profit-related relationship with you, you still have feelings for you; 3) Your husband is a more pragmatic person in front of life, otherwise how could he easily divorce his ex-wife because of your existence? Of course, your husband's ex-wife has become a victim of a marriage of interest.
The truth about human nature: 1) People will take their own interests into consideration at any time; 2) People may accept different types of people at the emotional level. To this end, choosing a marriage partner is often a utilitarian process. During this period, both women and men will actually consider the other party’s family background and then weigh the pros and cons. Remind everyone: Don’t think it’s a bad thing to be used by others, that’s your capital to be a human being. In fact, many couples will have a disaster and each other will fly. The most common cases include: When some men fail seriously at the career level, resulting in their heavy debt, the woman who keeps loving him for the rest of her life often chooses to start a new life. Therefore, sometimes you also need to accept the pragmatism of men.
Maybe many people put their relationship itself in a more important position when they are in their twenties. If they have not experienced the dilemma of being short of money after getting married, they may still take their relationship seriously. Once they have experienced the dilemma of being short of money, they will feel that it is the same for anyone to marry, and a rich life will be relatively nourishing. So much so that we often see phenomenon: when many people choose marriage partners, once they meet someone with a poor family background and a poor income, they will be broken up by their parents. The reason why parents do this is because when they were young, they also adhered to the concept of love first, but during the process of marriage, they gradually realized the importance of money in life and did not want their tragedy to continue to happen to their children.
Regarding the attitude of marriage, what I want to say is: Don’t go through the extreme of being foolish or being rich, after all, there are too many elements involved in marriage. When choosing a marriage partner, try to have a minimum assessment of yourself first, and then based on your own strength, find someone who is relatively recognized by you in terms of feelings, making money, personality, and behavior. Perhaps the happiness index after marriage will be relatively high. Of course, there will also be cases of high-rise in the marriage and love market: for example, between you and your husband, you appreciate his appearance and he recognizes your family background. It means that you have surpassed him in terms of appearance and he has surpassed you in terms of family background. Now, you are already a couple. Please consider less human nature and maximize your marriage life as much as possible. I'll give you one sentence: People are half human and half ghosts, and they can't even see them when they get too close.
Postscript:
Regarding life, sometimes don’t imagine it too beautiful, but there is no need to imagine it too pessimistic. In this life, perhaps only by allowing yourself to live in a state of value can there be more people around you around you. If you have no value in use, perhaps people including family and relatives will avoid you. Although it will feel a bit cruel when we carefully consider human nature, it will always be a prey on the weak, which is a law of survival that we cannot escape.
Life is actually a competition field. In the process of living, many people will not care about your sincerity at all. They value the value you embodies. It means that the fate of many people is best in their own hands, and in this case, it can reduce some embarrassing scenes of acting according to other people's faces. Sometimes we don’t need to say that some of the people around us are pugs and snobbish. Perhaps with such an opportunity, we will live like them.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
