Xiaoxuan always quarrels with her husband recently, and then it turns into a cold war. The reason for the quarrel made Xiaoxuan very wronged. It was obvious that he was unwilling to communicate, but in the end she became too forced.
After listening to the whole story of one of the small things, I realized what the problem was.
She plans to sign up for her child for piano training class, and she finds her husband to discuss.
She said to her husband, "I want to sign up for my son to learn piano. What do you think?"
He replied, "He is too young."
She replied, "He is not young anymore. Others started learning at the age of three or four, and he is already too late."
He replied, "He may not be able to sit still at the age of now."
She retorted, "It is to exercise his patience that he should learn more."
Before the other party could speak, she immediately cited the ten major benefits of learning piano, such as cultivating patience, improving literacy, cultivating coordination, etc.
Finally, he only threw down four words: "It's up to you."
Xiaoxuan was very angry and said, "Look, he is like this. Every time I ask for his opinions, he doesn't take it seriously."
Looking carefully at this conversation, it is not difficult for us to find out: What she calls soliciting opinions is just to inform the other party of her own opinions. All her communications next revolve around her own purpose.
Her husband should have the same feelings as me. What she calls communication is to convey her own opinions and feelings in a slight way, and then force him to express it in an listening posture.
Preemptively is usually a sign of lack of confidence, because I am worried that the other party will object, so I can't help expressing my thoughts and attempting to impose my opinions on the other party.
In this case, we should do the following:
1. Don’t communicate for the sake of communication
The premise of communication is that both parties are voluntary communication, and forced communication will not achieve any positive effect.
If you find that the other party does not want to communicate, then don’t communicate about this matter for the time being. When the other party has the will, let’s talk about this matter.
So, you might as well live a more relaxed life, and you will naturally become more attractive.
2. Avoid unilateral communication
If you are trying to communicate with the other party on the premise of deciding on a certain matter, it is not called communication, it is just unilateral persuasion.
So, before communicating, you might as well advise yourself to "calm down", forget the expected results of your psychology, and listen to the other party's opinions quietly.
Perhaps, you will find that the result may be the same as you expect.
3. Give the other party time to respond
A woman who lacks a sense of security wants to get the other party’s response as soon as she sends the message. After asking a question, if the other party does not respond immediately, she will always be irritable.
But for a man, he will not respond immediately to something that cannot be solved at the moment, or something that he thinks is irrelevant.
They often choose to automatically ignore your information, or communicate with you when they are free.
Of course, you can also communicate with him and tell him that even if he cannot answer the questions immediately, please reply to you, because this will make you feel at ease, and I think most men will not refuse.
Conclusion
In short, communication in marriage is a big problem. Don’t change the concept of communication, otherwise it will definitely evolve into a quarrel.
What marriage requires is rational communication, not emotional communication.
