Since I was a child, I felt very lonely, and when I grew up, I thought about making more friends.
In order to make friends, I even treat people around me a little flatteringly, for fear that others would not like me and would not date me. But the more I show this eager desire to like people, the more often others ignore me, which makes me overwhelmed.
I am afraid that I can only stay at home after work after get off work alone, so I must go to every invitation and party, and every unit event, but these activities still cannot fill my loneliness and emptiness.
I believe in the saying that multiple friends have multiple paths, and I think I have too few paths, so I just hope that more friends will take me out of the confusion of youth.
But it's a pity, no matter how hard I try, I still have few friends.
Until after getting married and having children, the unit held a March 8th Festival event. I suddenly found that there was a best way to make friends, that is, to play mahjong. After playing mahjong, I suddenly had a few friends, and they also asked me enthusiastically if I could still get together frequently in the future.
Of course I agreed. I was inexplicably happy when I got home that day, as if I had finally not been abandoned by the times and found my own circle.
Playing mahjong is something that can be played with different people every day, and it is quite interesting to gossip and eat and drink together.
So I entered various mahjong circles, including classmates, colleagues, neighbors, and friends. Every day, I finally felt like I was in the downtown area on the steaming mahjong table.
I enjoy making friends with different people on the mahjong table, including leaders who never greeted each other before, cadres and staff whom I didn’t know each other, housewives, and even security guards and sanitation workers.
I never screen people when playing mahjong, and I will play as long as there are games. In those years, I don’t know how many games I have made up, and I have also experienced the satisfaction of having a lot of guests.
Every weekend, when I open my eyes in the morning, I wait for the invitation call, and then I wash and eat breakfast, and then go to a hotel to join the bureau or someone else's house to join the bureau. In short, either on the mahjong table or on the way to play mahjong.
In those years, I had no intention of working or staying at home with my husband and children. I thought about those mahjong tiles every day.
has made a lot of friends, but they are all card friends. Apart from playing cards, we don’t have too much contact. Despite this, I still feel that I have my own circle of friends and that feeling of loneliness is gone.
But what can these friends bring to me? Except for the interactions at the poker table, most of the others are negative energy. For example, what should people do if they don’t play cards in their lives? What are you doing with money? How happy it is to spend playing cards, and you can also win money.
That's it. I sent all my savings from those years to the poker table. I didn't feel distressed at all, because there was always a voice telling me: There are both losses and losses in playing cards. If I lose, I must get the money and I will come back one day.
There are often stories around me: XXX lost hundreds of thousands of dollars in the past few years, but this year, she suddenly gained a lot of luck and won all of them back in one go. XX lost all the first two months, and won more than ten consecutive games this month.
is these stories that support me to keep playing until one day when the number on the passbook was 0 and I was overdrawn by 20,000 credit card, I suddenly woke up.
, I lost about 300,000 in those years. Looking back, I saw what friends I made. They only care about whether I still have money in my pocket at the poker table, and it is very likely that some of them were cheating money.
These are not friends at all, they are just gamblers.
After all the money was abandoned, I decided to stop and stop. I just thought that the money I lost was paid as a high tuition fee. I never want to return to this circle again.
In fact, everyone knows that playing mahjong is not a good thing. I have had the idea of not wanting to play again many times. Sometimes after only one week of quitting, my friends' phone calls were overwhelming, making my heart itchy.
There is a saying that goes, people wake up from pain.Why can't I completely withdraw from the mahjong circle a few years ago? It was because I didn't suffer much damage. I thought it was quite interesting to play mahjong, until I paid 300,000 yuan in "tuition fees", which forced me to reflect on myself and quit this terrible circle.
After not playing mahjong, I fell in love with writing, read and write every day, and then I realized that with the company of words, it doesn’t matter whether I have friends or not. I don’t feel lonely at all.
The feeling of long nights and doing nothing in the past was in a daze. I just thought writing was a very happy thing. Whether you have friends around you or whether others like me seems to have nothing to do with me.
It turns out that loneliness is just because of emptiness and weakness in my heart. Now, writing makes me strong and calm inside. I finally found the lifestyle that suits me the most, that is, writing quietly without being disturbed by the outside world.
Now, if anyone asks me if I have many friends? I can tell him openly that I have few friends, but I am not lonely at all.
Maybe many truths need to be experienced before understanding, and they all need to be lost before seeing through. Although I have lost money, I have gained spiritual rebirth.
Now, those tuition fees paid have become a passing number in my memory. When I think about it, I no longer feel heartbroken because the lost money can be retrieved, but the wasted time can never be returned.
This detour I took makes me cherish every inch of my life even more.
