I am 30 years old this year and have always been single. I have never been in close relationships. I also long for sweet love. For me, loving someone is like my own business, and I can fantasize about the beauty of being with her...

I am 30 years old this year and have always been single. I have never been in close relationships. I also long for sweet love. For me, loving someone is like my own business. I can fantasize about the beauty of being with her...

If a person I like very much suddenly has a good impression and response to me and becomes close to me, I will suddenly become disgusted and immediately dislike her...

We are all obsessed with love and are very troubled

We have a lot of problems that need to be solved

We even lost ourselves in these problems

Then we deny ourselves and dare not contact others

Or, we don’t know what we are suitable for

is also afraid of mispaying and missing out...

"I hope I can understand my thoughts without telling the other party, but who cares about your inner drama?"

Many insecure women think so.

survives in this era of unprecedented pressure, and lacking a sense of security has become a norm.

Some people start a relationship like looking for a life-saving straw in order to find a sense of security, but the ending is often unsatisfactory. So when the next relationship comes, I become timid and afraid of repeating the same mistakes.

Most of the time, the more a person is afraid of, the more something happens.

When your concern about something is so strong that it invades the subconscious level, then what you are worried about may really happen.

is "It's too troublesome to fall in love", "It's not as happy as a person", and "men are all big pig's hooves" have become common excuses and shields for many people.

In fact, the lack of sense of security cannot be obtained from another person. This is like a black hole that can never be satisfied. Only by breaking it from the inside and filling in the defects in personality can the intimate relationship be longer.

A person who thinks he is bad and falls in love with another person will only get worse.

Before having an intimate relationship, make yourself a person with a sense of security, and perhaps you can find the key to open the door to love.

Hormones determine love at first sight, dopamine determines how long to be warm, and the original family affects more of the future.

There is a premise for happiness in marriage that both parties really want to enter into an intimate relationship, which sounds ridiculous.

Since you get married, you want to manage your intimate relationship well, otherwise what will you do when you get married?

In fact, more than 60% of marriages in China have at least one person who does not really want to enter into an intimate relationship.

Driven by biodynamics and growth motivation, men and women of appropriate age will feel the pressure brought by the "marriage and love" problem at a certain stage.

This includes both external pressure, that is, the urging and influence of parents and public opinion;

also includes internal pressure, such as the conflict between "wanting to fall in love" and "love frustration".

Some people can find a marriage partner that suits them after experiencing a few relationships and successfully enter the marriage relationship.

Some people have entered another relationship mode:

Attract, intimacy, frustration, hurt, and even humiliating experience, and then enter a cycle of self-doubt and attack, and it is difficult to enter a marriage relationship, or a stable gender relationship, like "stuck", always entangled in one place.

said that the desire for love and other driving force is not enough to allow us to obtain and maintain an ideal gender relationship and establish and maintain healthy gender and intimate relationships, which are related to many psychological factors.

Everyone has a lot of emotions in their hearts.

Some emotions are old and may have emerged since you were a child.

For example, you may be a little angry with him because your father did not give you enough love when he was a child.

Some emotions have been recently generated, for example, because the husband did not notice the anger caused by his new skirt last week.

These emotions are like various mysteries that make you unique.

When I was young, I was unruly and loved freedom. Now I am old and I really hope to have someone to accompany me, but when I think of the last marriage, I was scared.

Under what circumstances will the relationship of a partner inevitably fail?

When your relationship is unequal and you have become the relationship between the other party’s parents and children

Those who love you will spoil you as a child. I suggest you take a look at such a toxic chicken soup and don’t drink it.

Many people are in their 30s, and some even cannot enter intimate relationships when they reach the age of 40.

In emotional consultation, many of them regard fathers as "male gods", that is, all the beautiful characteristics of men are given to their fathers. When they have a boyfriend, they will project all kinds of bad characteristics on their boyfriends and cannot enter into intimate relationships.

When friends/family around you ask about marriage and love, they will instinctively resist, get bored or be at a loss for this kind of "care" from all directions.

Some people are even unwilling to participate in social occasions because of this. They would rather go out alone to travel, exercise or stay at home, and just want to "let me be quiet".

Do they really like to be alone and "quiet"?

is not the case. Whenever they see couples in movies and TV dramas, looking at pairs of pedestrians on the street, and wanting to have a shoulder leaning on them...

, they are alone, and their inner loneliness and sorrow often come unexpectedly.

Thinking of those who have come close to them and the feeling of living with another person, they can only sigh again, close the door gently, and be sad alone.

The reason behind this may be related to "intimate fear".

Love is like a powerful lens that constantly scans all your heart walls to find out any emotions that need to be expressed and released, and being loved can give you a sense of security.

This sense of security will give you confidence, allowing you to come out of your heart and take risks and connect with your lover.

On the way out, you will definitely encounter some moods that protect your inner self.

Many people will be afraid because of the cracks and failures of the intimate relationship in their previous relationship. However, the fear itself is a deep desire that is completely opposite.

such as understanding and support, such as tacit understanding and love.

The efforts in intimate relationships should always be mutual. You respect my preferences and I support your decision, rather than one party’s indulgence and the other party’s requests without bottom line.

Psychologist Jung believes that when choosing a spouse, people often fall in love with the opposite sex with their own shadow personality.

For example, girls who are ignorant of the world are easily attracted by experienced men;

Introverted and unspeakable people are prone to fall in love with the enthusiastic and cheerful opposite sex.

Can't love , it's because I can't, so I love him.

Your pursuit of beautiful himself is also pursuing another beautiful self.

The prince charming you are looking forward to has the way you dream of becoming.

Love cannot be . When you meet someone who is still a pleasing, you are at a loss in the process and your ability is not enough to match the depth of the relationship, so that the relationship cannot continue.

Our feelings and judgments about external events are based on our own inner self-worth and self-identity.

You can choose to enter or not enter marriage. This is an independent choice after you have the ability to enter, rather than being passively single.

Why did you ever fall in love with this person and then keep trying to change him?

If he has to become better, you can love;

or if he doesn't change, you don't love. That's not love, but the conditions you offer for love.

If you try hard to change the other person, it means that you don’t really love him, you love yourself.

When our sense of self-worth is not high enough, we often feel uncertain and suspicious in the relationship;

And when we are not sure enough about ourselves, we cannot be sure that the other person loves us, let alone that we are worthy of being loved. The destruction of each relationship between

is a reminder to us and releases signals that we need to further improve.

If we stop at this time and face ourselves, we can discover our own lack and resources.

These traumas are usually related to separation from parents in infancy and toddlers, frequent changes in parenting, neglected, belittled, and even violently abused during growth. The most profound impact on individual psychological development is the experience in childhood.

Compared with other social animals, human children are more vulnerable, have longer growth cycles, and are more dependent on caregivers, so the need for establishing relationships with others is the strongest.

When the caregiver cannot meet this need of the child for various reasons, it will lead to frustration in the baby's relationship building.

As they grow up, these traumas will slowly be hidden. Once the opposite sex sends a signal of closeness or they take the initiative to approach a certain opposite sex, what follows is that the hidden trauma experience is aroused again. Instinctive self-protection prevents them from entering this extremely uneasy relationship. Only by escaping can they find the feeling of safety.

The partner in an intimate relationship is the most valuable and brightest mirror. You can use this to find out what is hidden behind your reaction. You may find some trauma and deep shadows that have been carrying for a long time. It may be a pain in your childhood and youth, or something that has been around for several lifetimes. Who knows? The experience you can face in an intimate relationship is the best opportunity for self-knowledge and self-awareness.

Unfortunately, most people do not like this "being revealed", so they repeatedly deny and reject the mirror that reflects their true nature.

The main reason why people yearn for integration through intimacy is that we find our lost partner in each other, find our home, and our belongings.

In real life, few people can truly regard the other person as their own belonging in a relationship.

We all have their own family backgrounds, emotional communication patterns, judgment standards and positions, and we also hope to turn each other into what we expect in our hearts.

Life is a practice.

A little bit unaware of it, we are involuntarily brought into the old mode of autologous circulation.

Change and growth are a long way to go.

If you really desire intimacy but are reluctant to enter into an intimate relationship, you need some patience, and talk about your past experiences.

Author profile: Teacher Xianhong

Psychological counselor, Tarot card fortune teller , planetary energy chanting bowl healer, free coder, trainer.

Listen to people's warmth and coldness in the humble room, and love is all fate.

The world comes and goes without traces, and cooking words heal people's hearts.

I meet you and then meet myself. Destiny is like a knife. Let me experience it with you.

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