Good marriage / Two people practice together
Text / Sea Wolf
Faced with an unhappy marriage, many people like to say, "Let's make do with it for the sake of their children!"
But in fact, children are very smart, much smarter than you think. They can feel the surging hostility between their parents, and imitate the way they got along when they were young when they grew up. This is a huge harm to their lives.
It seems that for some marriages, divorce is not a tragedy, but a better choice for children.
So what kind of marriage is divorced really good for children?
Today we have compiled three key points for you, especially the third point, which is more common and therefore needs to be paid more attention to.
1
The marriage that hated each other has deviated from the original intention of getting married
The first type of marriage that "divorce is for the good of children" is: a marriage that hated each other.
There are some couples who can fight every day because of trivial matters, making the family messy, just like a battlefield.
At this time, the two people quarreled not because of this trivial matter in front of them, but because they had accumulated too much resentment in their hearts. They held "I'm not having a good time, you don't think it's better!" 's mentality, go fight, take revenge, and fight!
For example, there is such a couple, and the wife finds that her husband cheats on her. She is very angry and in pain, but she doesn't want her children to live in a single-parent family, so she does not divorce her husband.
But when she saw her husband, she felt an irresistible anger: "You were not in good condition at the beginning, so I married you. I haven't had a few good days for so many years. Now I'm a yellow-faced woman, you go out to fool around with others?! Your conscience is eaten by dogs!"
was driven by such emotions. She often quarreled with her husband, and even fought, just to vent her anger in her heart. smashed the plate, smashed the cup, and smashed the phone, , which is common.
Whenever this time, the child will hide in his room and refuse to go out.
His grades plummeted. The teacher talked to parents many times, saying that the child was not attentive in class and was often dazed. also became very depressed and always bored and did not speak.
The couple still did not realize their problems, but just thought it was "If the child doesn't study well, he will not divorce for him, and he still cannot understand his efforts..."
To be honest, children are the biggest victims of this kind of marriage.
Maybe at the beginning, the two of them considered not to divorce for their children, but their way of getting along had already caused greater harm to the children.
If your marriage is the same, it is mixed with a lot of "revengeful thoughts" . Your relationship has seriously affected your children. At this time, you have to continue with inertia. You will definitely spend your whole life with your children, destroy your whole life and your bright life.
Fighting with the evil dragon for too long, and he also becomes the evil dragon himself. When you are extremely resentful of your partner and want to burn him to ashes with anger, you will also put yourself and other family members in the fire and roast them hard.
If you really don’t want your children to stay in this heavy and depressing family atmosphere, tearing off your physical and mental health, it’s better to let go of such a marriage and let yourself and your children go.
Divorce is not a desperate situation in life. If you are in deep pain because of divorce, you can subscribe to my column "Become a better self after divorce" . This course can take you to heal yourself and help you learn to deal with scars. can better start a new life.
2
Marriage full of domestic violence makes children a "violent maniac"/"sadminister"
The second type of marriage that requires divorce quickly is: marriages with domestic violence.
Once saw such a case online.
A wife and husband have been married for 19 years and have been beaten more than 200 times.
When a husband wants to hit someone, he doesn't ask the reason. Regardless of the occasion, Use whatever he has on his hands , punch and kick the wife, and even press the wife in a stinky ditch...
The wife also wanted to divorce at first, but every time the husband wakes up, he will hold his wife and cry bitterly, and promise that there will be no second time. The wife is soft-hearted every time and decides to give him a chance. But over the years, my wife has become less and less courageous to file for divorce, and is full of fear of this man's methods...
Let's think about it, this woman lives a completely hellish life. Such a marriage only brings torture and harm, makes people completely lose their passion and love for life.
What about the children living in such a family?
The child has been witnessing his father beating his mother for many years. He saw the violent nature of his father , and he could only vent his emotions with his fists; he saw his mother's , frightened, retreated and sluggish, and was forced to endure the critical strike of his husband and had no power to fight back.
Children who grow up like this will inevitably lack a sense of security. either became a "replica" of fathers. in order not to hurt themselves, advocated "fist is justice". When they grow up, they also treated their partner like this, even fighting and embarked on the road of illegal and criminal activities;
or became a "replica" of mothers. Be cautious with your partner. Any feeling of a little emotion will arouse her insecurity. She will make herself habitually please her, soothe her partner's emotions, compromise again and again, give opportunities, and even follow her mother's footsteps. She is reluctant to leave in a very bad relationship...
So, compared to sympathizing with women in domestic violence families, I sympathize more with the children of domestic violence families. You don't know what bloody storm he is facing behind the "seemingly complete family"! At this time, leaving bravely, for yourself and for the children is the best choice.
3
Do your best to improve yourself, and your marriage still makes you feel depressed
The third type of marriage that should be divorced is: "You can do your best to adjust, but you still can't improve the quality of your relationship." You feel depressed.
Our always value is: "Don't file divorce easily."
If there is a problem with the marriage, it is mostly the responsibility of the two. For example, the wife complains that her husband does not communicate and is cold and violent. It is possible that the wife always uses negative communication sentence . As soon as she opens her mouth, she makes her husband feel accused, stressed, and doesn't want to speak.
And husbands often have their own reasons: apart from cold violence, there is no other way to express their dissatisfaction or unhappiness. makes the wife feel that she has always been disregarded and not loved . If a marriage like
finds the crux of the problem of two people, there is a high probability that they can be saved. They can break the past communication model and develop new communication model to make both people happy and happy in the marriage.
Family will also become a harbor of happiness , Children will also learn how to develop normal and healthy intimate relationships.
But in this process, the direction of effort is very important. If you use the wrong method, it will only make your relationship worse and worse. So many marriages are not unsaved, but your method is wrong. If you really can't find a good method, you can seek the help of a professional marriage counselor.
There are some marriages, and you have tried your best. The relationship has changed from negative points to zero points. You have no resentment between you, but you feel cold and have no emotions. It is a bondage to each other. For marriages like , we still recommend divorce.
But if you have negative points now and have not yet figured out a way to become zero points, you can't find a path. We suggest that you make adjustments first. After the adjustments, Even if you divorce in the future, the child will still be happy between a pair of parents without resentment.
We write this article not to let everyone get divorced easily, nor to let everyone get divorced, but to hope that no matter whether you choose to divorce or not, you must think about it, What growth have I grown from this marriage?
When you really know what growth you have gained, it will not be useless to leave everything you have endured in your marriage.
This is also a role model for children. Children will know- Life is not about experiencing pain once, but you must live in it for the rest of your life. We can grow ourselves and change the trajectory of life, and happiness is always in our own hands.
end
st walk! Recommend it little by little!
