Q:
There are more and more leftover men and women in older age. Does this mean that the current concept of choosing a spouse is very deformed?
Chen Man:
is not the current deformity of choosing a partner, but you use old thinking to force yourself to the current situation after the changing times. Naturally, you are not satisfied with anything, and everyone feels deformed.
Marriage in the old era is not the same as what modern young people see. What people in the Internet era think is a thousand miles apart from the past. Can that be the same? There is no value for comparison between the two at all.
The "deformal view of mate selection" in your eyes is actually just an inevitable collision and pain in the transition period of the times.
You think the criteria for choosing a spouse for leftover men and women is too high, but in fact, the standards set for marriage in your mind are too low.
Use Malos hierarchy theory . Past marriages were placed at the bottom of the pyramid, serving physiological and safe needs, and to live a life together.
As long as a man and woman of similar matches are not annoying to each other, and both parents and relatives think it is suitable, they can be matched together and become a pair.
is not married, so how can you have children? If you don’t get married, won’t you be stabbed by someone?
As for men beating their wives, or the couple can’t get along with each other, the topic is just boring trivial matters such as food, rice, oil and salt... What’s the problem? Don’t couples in the world live like this?
If you don’t have a high demand for this matter itself, then indeed, a fairly low standard can meet you.
It is normal to not let go of the old concept by holding on to the old concept.
But now, both men and women can survive independently, and the whole family will not be hungry if one person eats enough. For young people, getting married naturally requires more reasons to be worth it.
The expectation of young people for marriage is love, intimacy and belonging, and emotional perfection. The standards in this field cannot be reduced.
For them, a marriage that cannot bring happiness is not as good as being alone.
I want to say that there is no need to label young people who are not married as "leftover men and women". Such belittlement and ridicule will not make them more willing to enter the marriage.
If there is a partner who is in love, if you get married, you will be respected and cared for from your partner. Some people will play games and watch movies with you; some people will work together to spend the troughs and setbacks of life... Which young man will refuse such an opportunity to get happiness? The problem with
is that they don't know what to do to get to this point.
The Internet has given the younger generation the opportunity to see dreams and romance, but it also makes all this a castle invisible and intangible in the sky.
no longer has authority, but there are too many different voices
Erich Fromm wrote in his book: "...it makes individuals develop, but it makes people more isolated; it increases people's freedom, but it creates a new dependence."
This is an excellent description of modern atomized society.
The young man who resisted " daddy " no longer wanted an authority to tell himself how to live and what kind of person he should love, but he was confused and found that he did not have a sure and clear voice in his heart that could express his will. After
got rid of the authority of old forces such as clans, public opinion replaced it.
network has helped many celebrities expand their voices, and kol is striving to sell their own opinions. Some people say that if you don’t get married and don’t have children, you can keep your safety safe; some people say that getting married is a transaction, and you must make good use of your own advantages in exchange for benefits; some people say that being single is good without love, and some people immediately refute that people who don’t get married will have a miserable future...
All the different opinions are quarreling in their ears, which makes people’s brain hurt and makes it harder to choose their own path.
In the past, if you follow the authoritative opinions, you can close your eyes and walk to the dark side. But now, young people must open their eyes and examine countless choices by themselves: Which one is right? Which one is suitable for you? Which one is a trap and which one leads to a good ending?
may simply give up thinking, lie down and sway, and choose nothing.
After losing authority, we gain freedom, but freedom also comes at a price, and sometimes we would rather escape from it.
Too many choices means that there is no choice
Age of both material and spiritual scarcity. In the face of a marriage that is a must-have in life, most people have no choice but to choose from the neighborhood relatives’ relationship network.
Thanks to the Internet, people have more ways to connect than you imagine.
play a game online dating, board game carpooling, or even encountering by chance on the street... It seems that any contact can develop a good relationship.
But countless young people were frustrated to find that all the roads lead to Rome, but they couldn't understand either one.
is clumsy and has no interest in chatting for a few words;
looks poor and cannot attract others to understand you;
is introverted to the public and afraid of having real contact with others;
... There are so many 5 channels of
, but none of them suits you, which makes people feel even more at a loss.
When I saw sweet couples showing off their dog food on Douyin Weibo, young people inevitably felt a little envious, but they were more helpless and relieved: "Forget it, I have to go to work tomorrow. What's the use of thinking so much?"
They may believe that there is true love in the world, but at the same time they believe that that love will not be their choice.
After all, it is not that young people deliberately want to be high-spirited. This phenomenon is just an inevitable result under the influence of the times.
mocking them and labeling them will not help young people who yearn for love, they will only make them too lazy to listen to what you say.
Want to understand why some people are unwilling to lower the standards for choosing a mate. You must first understand the new changes in this era and understand people’s inner difficulties.
After all, all sentient beings suffer, so don’t attack each other anymore.
