That autumn, after I had skin contact with the girl Huang Qiuxiang in the village, we became true lovers. I love her deeply, and she loves me deeply.
In that era when our thoughts were more conservative than we are now, we loved each other very closely, but we never dared to make it public, for fear that we would be laughed at.
It was another bright and starry night. We hugged each other on the river bank, forgetting the fatigue of working for the whole day, and immersed in the beautiful moonlight.
"Xiangxiang, can you keep our secrets?" I asked.
"I'm still afraid that you can't hold on to your mouth. It's so embarrassing to say it out." She said with a smile.
"I will keep my mouth shut, just because I'm afraid I'll talk to my sleep at night. I'll call your name in my dream, then will it be revealed?" I said, "It rained those days, and we didn't come out. I dreamed that you ignored me and called you desperately in my dream. Fortunately, no one heard it."
"It's definitely not possible to come out on rainy days, and my parents will also doubt it. I came out today and told my mother that she was going to my cousin's place to chat. Fortunately, she wouldn't ask her cousin, otherwise, she would have been suspected for a long time. That would be really hard to deal with. Alas..." I sighed and said, "It's not a solution for us to continue like this, like a thief."
cannot fall in love openly, which is really troublesome, but I There is no way, and I always feel that it is not yet public, so I said, "I want to have a adobe tile house that belongs to us. We can be together every night, and we don't have to worry about running into people."
"Are you really going to marry me? I'm afraid you will regret it when the time comes." She said with a little inferiority, "You are a city native, I'm afraid I'm not worthy of you."
"What about the city and the country people now? The city may not be better than the countryside, otherwise, what are we doing in the countryside? Don't worry, don't look down on yourself. I really love you and will never change my heart." I held her face in both hands and kissed her.
She believed me and said, "I will never change my mind. Even if you don't want me, I will remember you and lock you in my heart and not let you come out."
"I am very touched, really." I hugged her tightly, trying to press her whole body into my heart.
In the wind, we kissed warmly, feeling each other's breath without distraction, and didn't dislike each other's saliva at all. The feeling was really indescribable.
Occasionally, we will have some unhappiness, such as if she wanted to help me wash clothes, but I refused no matter what, she would be a little unhappy and said that I was afraid that others would doubt it and didn’t really like her. I would have no scruples when she said this, but she said it was a test of my heart, which made me confused.
If a man and a woman are in love, if she cannot succeed, it seems that the woman will suffer. I also have this idea, so every time I meet her, I always bring some things to her and give her two scarves to her, as a way to compensate her for her losses in advance. She is very happy, and I am very happy.
After we get along for a long time, some freshness will pass, and our minds will be much clearer, and we will start to face reality. I have thought seriously that it may be difficult for me to enter the marriage hall with her because there are too many difficulties in front of me. If we were to get married, I feel that her parents would not agree. Someone once joked like this and said to her mother, "Your Xiangxiang is so beautiful. Let's talk about an educated youth. How great it would be to go to the city to live in the future." Her mother said disdainfully, "I have no life! I am the only daughter. When I am old, I still expect her to take care of her, so I will marry her next to her." Besides, my parents would not agree to me bringing a rural girl home, and I don't have the ability to move her household registration to the city.
These are real problems. If you fall in love with her, you will not have any results, but we have all given our true feelings. What should we do? At that time, I will leave her cruelly, and I really dare not think about what kind of sad she will be.
That night, she was not happy at all when she saw me and was depressed. I asked her why she was unhappy, but she refused to say it.
"Xiangxiang, don't do this. If you think there is something wrong with me, you can tell me and I will change it." I held her hand and said.
"You are not wrong, I am wrong, wuwu..." She started crying, bursting into tears.
Seeing her crying, I felt very distressed. I helped her wipe away her tears and kept asking her what was going on.
After a while of coaxing, she stopped crying and looked into my eyes and asked, "Brother, let's make it public. I don't want to continue like this anymore."
"Why? Didn't we agree to keep the secret? Are you not afraid of others laughing?" I was shocked.
"If you don't have the courage, don't be kind to me. If you want to be kind to me, don't be afraid of being known!" She started anger.
At this point, I am in a disadvantage and can only choose to remain silent.
I didn't express my opinion. She was very disappointed and turned around and was about to leave. I held her and she struggled as much as possible.
"Xiangxiang, why do you treat me like this? I admit that I am a coward and dare not face reality. OK." I felt very uncomfortable in my heart, and let go of her hand, tears fell down.
But, I asked her to leave, but she stopped leaving and turned around to look at me. This is the first time I cried in front of her, and she knows that my heart is bleeding. She didn't leave, and she was also afraid that I would be sad, just as I was afraid that she would be sad.
"Brother," she came over and took my cold hand and said, "I have decided. I know you have difficulties, so let's do it."
"Xiangxiang, I don't allow you to leave me. How can I live without me?" I held him in my arms and cried.
She did not hug me like before, but said with her hands hanging down, "I'm going to get engaged, don't invite me out again in the future."
it turned out that during this period, many people came to her house to propose marriage, and her mother fell in love with a young man from a neighboring village. She disagreed and had an argument with her mother. Finally, her mother got angry and said to her: "You look down on this one and that one, do you think you can really marry an educated youth. If you don't listen to your parents, you can talk to an educated youth. Do you think that they will look down on you? I don't care about you anymore."
Her mother's words hurt her heart, which was a bit too much. So, she asked me if I dared to publicly have a relationship with her, but I didn’t have the courage, and her heart was undoubtedly hurt.
"I'm sorry for you, I feel guilty, you hit me." I grabbed her hand and slapped me in the face.
She lets me sway her hand and looks at me buzzly, like looking at a stranger, without any glory in her eyes.
Finally, she left silently, without saying a word or crying.
The next day, I heard her mother say to others: "Oh, I said Xiangxiang a few words yesterday. She cried for half a night, and her self-esteem was too strong. This would be bad."
How could her mother know that Xiangxiang cried for half a night, not because she scolded her, but because of me. I held back my tears, and felt mixed with emotion, feeling so sorry for Xiangxiang, and was a sinner.
Xiang Xiang got married less than half a year after she got engaged. I will return to the city in a few months. Why is she in a hurry to get married? Did she deliberately want to marry me? My heart was cut like a knife, and I hid in the quilt and listened to the sound of gongs and drums, and I felt so painful.
The person I love is married, in front of me, but I still pretend that it has nothing to do with me. What does this feel like? People who have never experienced it cannot understand it. My heart is broken
If you have loved it, don’t regret it. I have never regretted it. I believe Xiangxiang will not regret it either. People who love each other do not necessarily have to be together, letting go is also love. My love for Xiangxiang will last forever.
