The reader wrote to me and said:
My ex-girlfriend and I were junior high school classmates and couples. During our college days, our relationship broke up because we were not in the same city. The breakup was proposed by our ex-girlfriend. During this period, my ex-girlfriend dated a college classmate, but their love failed to escape the fate of graduating from college love. Later, my ex-girlfriend and I returned to the city where we grew up to work. I passed the civil service exam, and my ex-girlfriend entered a state-owned enterprise to work. At this time, because both of us were single (I didn’t fall in love while I was in college), I really wanted to get my ex-girlfriend back, but my ex-girlfriend politely refused.
After working for a year, news came that my ex-girlfriend was getting married. Because she did not invite me to attend her wedding, I could only ask my friend to bring some money. One day half a year after my ex-girlfriend got married, I saw my ex-girlfriend and her husband while shopping, but the picture was a bit unsightly: I witnessed the scene of my ex-girlfriend being abused by her husband in the street. At that time, I actually wanted to go forward to stop it, and I was worried that my stop would make my ex-girlfriend more passive, so I finally chose to leave silently.
Later, I sent a message to my ex-girlfriend, roughly meaning: If your marriage life is not happy, you can bravely walk out of the siege, and I am still willing to start a new family with you. But my ex-girlfriend rejected my kindness and told me that if you really do it for me, please do not contact me in any form in your future life.
To be honest, I am a little confused about my ex-girlfriend’s view of marriage and love: 1) Her current partner’s family is not very good, why doesn’t she know how to say no when facing domestic violence? 2) My family background is reasonable, why can’t my ex-girlfriend take me into her consideration?
Although I am no longer as obsessed with my ex-girlfriend as before, she is my first love after all, and the only girl I have loved so far, so I still hope that she is happy from the bottom of my heart. Since my ex-girlfriend hopes that I will not contact her again in the future, I can only respect myself rather than obey.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
People have this idea in the field of emotions: they don’t like to go back and forth. If you are the one who failed the previous relationship, you will have this mentality: 1) You have let down your ex-faith and you are not worthy of staying with your ex; 2) Even if you have the idea of reuniting with your ex, you are worried that after you get back, your ex will not be able to completely get out of the harm you have given to your ex, which has led to your ex often criticizing you. If you are a victim of the previous relationship, you will have this mentality: 1) Will the previous harm suffered after the two reunion be reinterpreted in your own life; 2) Who would be willing to be hurt again from someone who once sacrificed half of your life? Even if some feelings have accumulated good memories, the harm is still there, resulting in few people having the courage to turn back.
A simple truth: if you give yourself a blank piece of paper and let yourself draw on it, it is very easy for this person, and there is a lot of room for play; when there is a finished painting on a piece of paper that allows you to make major modifications to the painting, you will find that it is a very difficult thing. Isn’t it the same with feelings? Not many people are willing to accept a relationship that is cumbersome and simply make themselves the one who leaves a lot of blank space in the new relationship. Regarding your ex-girlfriend's current marriage, she must have realized the unhappiness. The reason why she has not divorced now is nothing more than two reasons: 1) Divorce as soon as she got married, which makes her face a little unbearable; 2) She luckily felt that her husband could know the mistake and correct it.
What will happen to your ex-girlfriend's future life will no longer be your concern. What you should focus on now: you are also at the age of marriage, your parents will worry about your lifelong affairs, you should remove the experience between you and your ex-girlfriend from your memory, and then carefully find someone who is more suitable for you and have a serious relationship.The first thing you have to do during this period is to remove your ex-girlfriend from your memory, instead of accepting a new relationship while still obsessing with your ex-girlfriend, otherwise it will be very unfair to your current girlfriend. In life, sometimes you cannot only consider your own feelings, but also take into account the feelings of some people who think you are important.
Although the experience between you and your ex-girlfriend will make you feel a little regretful, you also need to understand: your experience has become a past tense after all, and your ex-girlfriend explained to you very clearly: Please don’t contact her in any form in the future. It means that she doesn't want to have any involvement with you in her future life. There is another detail: when you first started working, you were both single, and at that time, you wanted you to get back with your ex-girlfriend. She adopted a rejection attitude at that time, not to mention that she is now married, and the possibility of you being together can only be zero. Therefore, stopping thinking about this relationship that you can never go back to is the most important thing you should do.
As you experience and age, you will gradually understand things: 1) There are nine out of ten things that are not satisfactory in life; 2) When your ideals cannot be reflected in reality, stop loss in time, rather than continue to be stubborn on things that know there is no hope; 3) There are many things that cannot be interpreted according to your own ideas in life; 4) Regarding life, one is to endure and the other is to strive for it. Don’t you feel that it’s particularly boring to continue to obsess over some things you should give up? The key is that when you are seeking troubles, it will also cause trouble to others involved in this matter. At this moment, your ex-girlfriend probably also hopes that you can get married. It is not ruled out that before you get married, she will also be thinking about your marriage at some times.
The feelings between people are actually quite wonderful. Some people are destined to appear briefly in their lives, and regard those who appear briefly in their lives as the right person they met at the wrong time, or the wrong person they met at the right time. Especially after the other party has a family, don’t be eyeing this relationship anymore. Perhaps going to the world is the last decency and rationality. In life, I occasionally see such cases: some people are obsessed with their ex, but in the end, because of their persistence, they get the result of marrying their ex, but after they get married, they find that they are not happy together. Therefore, regarding the result of the past breakup, we are less unwilling to accept it, and regard this relationship as a bad love, and let ourselves be relieved as soon as possible.
Postscript:
There are all kinds of people in life, which leads to different attitudes when people treat some things or a missed relationship. But we need to master a principle: don’t make it too difficult for people who have dated you because of your own existence. It’s like: after breaking up, don’t give the other party a disaster; after breaking up, don’t give the other party a stubborn person if the other party is unwilling to get back together.
Although one's own destiny is often controlled by one's own hands, the so-called destiny is mainly reflected in the career level. The relationship requires two people to reach a consensus in order to form the result of marriage. If the person you like has no intention of marrying you at all, please tactfully withdraw from the other person's life. Because sometimes, more times will be disturbed to people who don’t like you, which will cause trouble to the other person’s life.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
