The reader wrote to me and said:
My wife and I were in love freely and got married. My parents disagree with this relationship. What my parents object to: 1) I am a civil servant and my wife works in a private company; 2) My parents have stable jobs, and my wife’s parents are both farmers; 3) I am the only son in the family, and my wife has an older brother and a younger brother. My parents will think that after my wife and I get married, the burden will be heavier. My understanding of marriage at that time: as long as two people have a deep relationship, they can manage their marriage well after getting married.
Because I am more persistent in this relationship, my parents can only respect my choice in the end. In fact, as the progress of my marriage life, I found that I really should have listened to my parents. Now I often have the idea of divorce, but because of the existence of my children, I have never had the courage to file for divorce from my wife.
First talk about my wife’s advantages: 1) I care more about me and my children (although I care more often but only talkatively); 2) I am more loyal to my relationship. After marrying me, she deleted all the opposite sexes in her mobile address book except for work (excluding her relatives).
Let’s talk about my wife’s shortcomings: 1) I earn 4,000 a month, and she earns 3,000 a month. Every time she buys clothes, she doesn’t look down on clothing that is less than 500 yuan. She buys several thousand a pair of shoes. Some time ago, she even bought a pair of shoes worth 12,000 yuan. 2) After getting married, although our salary was not mixed together, I felt that when I spent my money, my wife didn’t feel sorry for her. When she spent her money, she would be careful; 3) Every time she went back to her parents’ home, she would spend thousands of yuan, including buying clothes, food and drink for her parents, brothers and younger brothers, and pocket money for her parents, brothers and younger brothers’ children. But my wife never bought clothes for my parents. My wife’s explanation for this matter is that your parents are not short of money; 4) My wife has no plan for her future life, and when she does many things, she always thinks about it.
In such a marriage relationship, I really feel frustrated. If I hadn't had children, I would have walked out of the siege long ago.
Muzili Emotional analysis:
The environment in which people are growing up is as follows: 1) During their own growth, they witnessed the scene of parents working hard for their families together; 2) In their marriage life, parents are basically maintaining relatively fairness and able to form mutual trends. So many people’s view of marriage and love is as follows: I hope that couples can form mutual connections in life. So much so that machismoism is not popular in today's marriage and love market; some women who regard themselves as their ancestors after marriage are not popular. Because there are too many people who hope that marriage life can reflect a marriage model of two-way rushing and mutual equality. Once the two people do not form a good mutual relationship, the one who pays more will be psychologically unbalanced.
Sometimes, women who like to be "lazy" in their marriage life will feel that their husbands are a little unlucky when facing their husbands complain about themselves. The key is that the environment in which they grow up is no longer an era when men take on making money, and men do not want women to become full-time housewives, which means that men will also give certain burdens at the level of housework. Therefore, the concept of marriage and love that many people advocate now is that couples can form a good mutual relationship at the level of making money and doing housework. The result is: If there is serious injustice between husband and wife in marriage, the party who gives more will be particularly unhappy. In this case, too many conflicts between husband and wife will naturally accumulate.
In fact, your wife is not that bad either, it is just because you have some psychological imbalance in life trivial matters, which makes you complain about your wife. What I want to say is that many people who grow up in different families will have some selfish desire to protect their shortcomings in the process of running their marriage. Maybe your parents don’t need you to worry about, and you don’t have brothers and sisters, making your life seem simpler.But think from the perspective of others: your wife is a college student who came out of the countryside. During her study, her parents have given a lot to her. Now she has a little success. Do you think she should not repay her parents' upbringing and cultivation? In addition, people who have been poor in their lives want to use clothing and other things to win face for themselves when they have better living conditions.
And look at those people with higher ranks, they don’t pay much attention to brand when wearing clothes, but consider cleanliness and comfort. The key is that even if those people with higher ranks wear cheaper clothes, they will not be despised by the people around them, because their temperament, social status and strong aura are there. For this reason, you also need to look at your wife’s vanity rationally. Perhaps when she truly integrates into her current life, she will no longer take some less important face-saving projects seriously. But this process takes some time. Another detail: When your wife spends her money, she feels distressed. It fully shows that your wife is not actually an extravagant and wasteful cheat. You might as well recall your wife’s food and drink level: she will save as much as possible.
Regarding marriage life, 99% of people do not have a perfect lover in their own perception, which means that in more cases, everyone will have some factors that will make them suffer in their marriage life. During this period, many people convinced themselves that the reason for not getting divorced was also to consider their children's feelings. The magic of marriage is that at different stages, there will be different ties, which may lead to the idea of separation between husband and wife, but because of the existence of ties, the decision to divorce is not easy to say. You might as well ask your best friends. He will definitely list many of his wife’s shortcomings in front of you. He will also tell you that for the sake of your children, just keep your marriage stable.
I believe that at some moments you will also feel that your wife’s existence is quite important to you, or you can also feel the warmth brought to you by marriage. It’s like: when you are in a low mood, your wife will comfort you; when you are sick, your wife will take care of you; or when you see your children grow up, you will feel particularly happy and fulfilled. Many people may be in pain and happiness throughout their lives, so please face up to the unpleasantness in marriage and remember the moments in marriage that touch you more. In your future life, you need to consider your wife's behavior from the perspective of her. When you can break the imbalance of your mentality and have a more understanding of your wife, you will find that your life is not that bad.
Postscript:
Many people had endless sweet words when they fell in love with their lovers, and even wanted to stick with each other 24 hours a day. But as the marriage life progresses, I become tired of my lover. In fact, both parties are still the one who made each other moved at the beginning, but the magnetic field of love has weakened, causing their attitude towards feelings to change. At this time, shouldn’t we reflect on ourselves well?
I hope everyone can learn to think from the perspective of others in the process of running a marriage, rather than being unhappy when your lover fails to take care of your emotions. Because everyone's growth experience is different, people's attitudes when dealing with relationships with other members of the family are different. In the process of running a marriage, as long as your lover is not bad-minded, don’t imagine your lover too badly.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
