Key points
- Mutual attraction is the core of friendship, so feeling attracted to someone is not a clear sign of romantic potential.
- Playing together and enjoying each other’s company is a characteristic of friendship and romantic partnerships.
- When it comes to time spent together and mutual attention, romantic relationships trump friendship.
Being friends is an important part of any healthy and happy romantic relationship. You should marry your best friend, right?
But is it enough to be friends?
How do you know if your relationship with someone is really romantic or if your relationship will really develop the best like a platonic friendship?
What is the boundary between friendship and love? Should you be friends or lovers? Which relationship is best for each of you?
Let's list some of the factors people often associate with romantic relationships but are equally important in friendships:
- Attraction. The feeling of being attracted to someone is strong, but it is not definitely a sign of romantic potential. Mutual attraction is at the heart of friendship: long-term friends show many emotional experiences of desire and missing out on this attraction, which is not much different from the connection between romantic partners.
- intimate relationship. Of course, intimacy is important in romantic relationships, but also in friendships. Intimacy is gained through self-expression: When people share their feelings, reactions, and concerns with trusted and responsive friends, they create an intimacy that helps maintain the relationship.
- respect. Healthy romantic partnerships are based on mutual respect, but so are friendships. You may feel admiration for someone, and by itself, does not mean that you are very suitable for a romantic relationship. Having friends you admire is a great way to grow and learn, and their respect for you can also prove beneficial.
- supports. Providing support is the job of friends and romantic partners. This support can cultivate an individual's ability to grow and is naturally a very important component of intimacy. Friends and lovers can contribute to your happiness by providing social support.
- happy. Playing together and enjoying each other’s company is a characteristic of friendship and romantic partnerships. Just because you like spending time with someone or enjoying someone’s sense of humor doesn’t mean you’re heading towards romance, although it might mean you have a good foundation for friendship.
So what is the difference between romantic relationships and friendship?
Apart from the sexual component, this is usually a decisive feature of romantic relationships and is not present in most friendships – “friends with goodness” are often a reason for confusion – and there are other aspects to clarify whether two people are very suitable to join as romantic partners, not just friends.
- common goal. What makes romantic partners different from friends is that their future path is consistent. They tend to lean towards a similar future and then define each other a common set of future expectations that each person can commit to (e.g., a compatible view of religion, gender roles, child-bearing, financial habits). These common views are not a prerequisite for friendship, but have a great influence on romantic relationships.
- time and attention. Romantic relationships trump friendships when it comes to time spent together and mutual concern. In many ways, this is an integral part of a cognitive emotion in a partnership, which means people decide to focus on each other and feel comfortable with the level of attention given and received. This can be the secret to an unbalanced and unsatisfactory romantic relationship when one is ready to give time and attention while another is not ready.
- interdependent. A decisive feature of romantic relationships is their potential interdependence. Yes, friends depend on each other, but lovers’ lives are often connected. In developing a romantic relationship, individuals become increasingly dependent on each other, which is considered a healthy development from “me” and “you” to “us.” The depth and richness of romantic interdependence distinguishes it from friendship.
- positive fantasy. In healthy romantic relationships, individuals are fascinated by their partner.They have a higher view of their partner in terms of their behavior, skills, attitudes and perceptions—the list goes on. This fantasy is healthy and helps define romantic relationships and friendships because we tend to have a more solid perspective on friends.
- influence. Of course, our friends influence us, our goals, preferences, and opinions, but our romantic partners are more attractive to who we are. People actually incorporate their romantic partners into their own sense of self. People’s self-definition includes their romantic partners, much less than their friends.
- promise. Often overlooked, the role of commitment can be arguably the most important factor in determining whether a relationship is a friendship or a romantic partnership. The decision to establish a romantic relationship predicts stability and reflects the intentional choice to establish a romantic partnership.
determines the future of a relationship to weigh costs, benefits, alternative options, expectations and investments already made in the partnership, but this trade-off should reflect appreciation for the work that maintains the partnership. While many friends can be great partners, it is a decision to promote relationship success and a commitment to living with someone.
