There is a saying on the Internet:
"Not easily causing trouble to others is a virtue and a kind of education."
deeply agrees. Adults have their own busy lives and difficulties. A truly kind person can put himself in others' shoes, understand others' difficulties, and will not cause trouble to others at will.
Some people may say that we are in a human society, and relationships cannot be established without troubling each other.
Indeed, mutual trouble can indeed enhance feelings and promote relationships to a certain extent. However, all good interpersonal relationships require a sense of boundaries.
Whether it is a friend or a relative, if you only act in your own interests, completely ignore the other person's feelings, and trouble others without a bottom line, it will only be annoying.
These days, there is a video that has caused heated discussions among netizens. In the
video, a man shared the scene of his 16 nephews coming to his home for the summer vacation. The uncle said that after the nephews came, the five air conditioners at home were turned on all day long, and they ate 16 kilograms of rice and 10 kilograms of meat a day...
After watching the video, people can't help but sigh, so many people come to visit, and the daily expenses Putting aside the cost of time and energy, it is unaffordable.
In the comment area, many netizens envy the family relationship between them; many netizens also question whether it is really good to cause trouble to their uncle like this?
In fact, with the development of the times, people now have a stronger and stronger sense of boundaries. Sending children to relatives' homes for summer vacation will only become less and less.
However, there are always some people with unclear boundaries who do not consider other people's feelings at all. They like to ask for your value and occupy your time and space in the name of relatives, and they still think it is natural.
01. Relatives who lack a sense of boundaries
Netizen Feng Yao (pseudonym) also met such a relative. This relative is her husband's cousin-in-law, and the cousin-in-law is also planning to send the child to her house for the summer vacation and ask her to help tutor the child.
Feng Yao is a Chinese teacher who teaches in the urban central primary school.
Husband Zheng Bin (pseudonym) is a software engineer who works in a private company. The couple has been married for 10 years and has a son who is in third grade.
Zheng Bin works a 996 work schedule and is very busy at ordinary times. Feng Yao is responsible for his son's diet, daily life and study. Under Feng Yao's earnest instruction, his son became sensible, polite, and had good academic performance.
My cousin’s house was bought in the lower district, more than ten kilometers away from the main city. In the past, everyone was busy with work and there was relatively little traffic.
Later, the cousin's wife discovered that Feng Yao's son was not only well-educated, but also had good academic performance and neat handwriting, so she often sent the child to Feng Yao's house on weekends, hoping that Feng Yao would help tutor him.
However, whether it is to practice calligraphy well or improve academic performance, it does not happen overnight. Even if there is guidance, it cannot be separated from one's own efforts.
My cousin’s child is very playful, has difficulty concentrating, has a wild temper, and is difficult to discipline. Moreover, after all, he was not his own child, so some words should not be said too harshly. Feng Yao had a headache.
What troubles Feng Yao even more is her cousin’s behavior.
02. How relatives behave
One weekend, after my cousin sent the child over, she went to do things by herself. Feng Yao was also busy that day and asked her two children to do their homework in the room.
Later, the two children finished their homework and hid in the room playing mobile games. They were discovered by the cousin who came to pick up the children.
My cousin’s child was having his eyesight corrected at during that time and couldn’t play with mobile phones or tablets. The cousin-in-law was very angry and gave the child a lesson in front of Feng Yao.
Feng Yao didn't know if she was overthinking it. She always felt that while her relatives were teaching her children a lesson, they also seemed to be blaming her for not fulfilling her responsibilities in taking care of her children.
Feng Yao felt very angry.
Another time, my cousin-in-law came to pick up the child late. After dinner, Feng Yao took her two children to play on the grass in the community. While playing with fitness equipment, her cousin's child accidentally knocked his head and the skin was swollen.
Feng Yao took her child to a nearby clinic to treat the wound, which cost her 65 yuan.
At that time, my cousin-in-law, who was extremely distressed, also had some sense of blame in her words. Feng Yao was completely annoyed. She had contributed money and effort, and was complained secretly...
Although Zheng Bin defended his cousin, saying that she had no other intentions and just had low emotional intelligence, but in the following days, As long as his cousin-in-law called and said she wanted to bring her children to play, Feng Yao would avoid going out because of something else.
03. Relatives’ children came to stay for two months during the summer vacation.
When the summer was approaching, my aunt, who had been helping my cousin take care of the children, had to go back to the countryside for a while, so the cousin wanted to send the children to Feng Yao’s house to spend the summer vacation.
My cousin’s sister-in-law’s child is already in the 4th grade, and her composition is a mess. My cousin-in-law hopes that Feng Yao will use her two months of summer vacation to help the child with tutoring.
After being politely rejected by Feng Yao, the cousin's sister-in-law and cousin went to Zheng Bin to intercede. Zheng Bin and his cousin grew up together. Before getting married, the two had a very good relationship.
Zheng Bin is a kind person and pays more attention to family ties. Moreover, Zheng Bin believes that his cousin's child will come to stay for two months, and his son will have an extra playmate, which will be helpful for his growth.
Zheng Bin discussed with Feng Yao and said: "My cousin's children are coming to stay for two months during the summer vacation. Please take care of them. They are all relatives. I'm embarrassed to refuse. It's just a pair of chopsticks. Don't make it difficult for me. Do..."
Feng Yao has been the head teacher for the past two years, and there are a lot of things in school.
Summer vacation is a time for her to cultivate herself, recuperate, and gain energy. She doesn’t want to take care of her own children, let alone her cousin’s children.
In addition, the school will evaluate intermediate professional titles in the second half of the year, and she has not published a paper yet. She is planning to take advantage of the summer vacation to calm down, read and study, and write two papers.
Feng Yao did not want her precious time and space to be occupied by others, so she once again chose to refuse.
04. People who have no bottom line and cause trouble to others will only be annoying.
However, the cousin sister-in-law was unwilling to give in and kept using words to tease Zheng Bin. The cousin-in-law talked about family ties again and again, and finally told Zheng Bin that she would not miss a penny for the child's food and tutoring fees for two months during the summer vacation.
Zheng Bin was moved and went home to repeatedly persuade Feng Yao to take care of her family. He also asked her: "My cousin's family is willing to pay, what else do you want?"
Feng Yao was so annoyed that she couldn't stand it. , said: "Okay, 10,000 per month, one-on-one tutoring, two hours a day. As for the food expenses, we won't charge them for the sake of relatives. Whatever my son eats, her children will eat too."
When it came time to really talk about money, my cousin-in-law stopped pestering her.
Feng Yao finally realized at this time that her cousin-in-law was ostensibly troubling her and asking her for help, but in fact she was using family affection to extract value from her.
Thinking back to the past, every time her cousin’s sister-in-law sent her children over for tutoring, she always acted as if it was natural. Feng Yao felt that she had woken up too late.
I remember that there was a debate topic on "Don't cause trouble to others" in " Qi Pa Shuo ". One of the debaters said this: "Before causing trouble to others, it should be based on the familiarity of interpersonal relationships."
Like the uncle in the previous video, he has a very good relationship with his sisters. He used to learn business from his sister, and it was with her support that he started the business.
Therefore, he did not think it was troublesome for the 16 nephews to come to his home for the summer vacation. Instead, he felt that it was very happy for the whole family to gather together.
The relationship between Feng Yao and his cousin-in-law has not reached this level of mutual invisibility. Therefore, to Feng Yao, the cousin's behavior not only caused trouble, but also made demands without a bottom line.
I have heard a saying:
"In this world, no one is an island. People get along with each other. It is inevitable for others to get into trouble."
In fact, it is normal for relatives to have trouble with each other. Many At this time, family affection is getting deeper and deeper in the mutual troubles between you and me.
However, everything depends on a degree. Those relatives who lack a sense of boundaries, do not care about other people's feelings, and have no bottom line to cause trouble to others will only make people avoid them.
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