Everyone is tempted, whether in life or in relationships.
A person who has had a history of cheating or domestic violence may be cautious and guilty at first, but when he is forgiven by those around him again and again, it means that these moments will happen again.
Kong Kong’s story can tell us well, don’t try to change a person in a relationship, you can’t be the end of the prodigal son.
had been in an empty relationship for 6 years, and finally when he was about to turn 28 and prepare to get married, a bloody thing happened.
One day, Kong Kong was working, and suddenly a woman came to her.
Only then did he realize that the two of them had been together for almost a year and were pregnant. The purpose of the woman's coming to Kong Kong was to help them both. After all, she was pregnant.
Kong Kong couldn't believe what was happening before him. At a loss, Kong Kong immediately dialed her boyfriend's phone number, and her boyfriend rushed over. After comforting him, he took the woman away and said he was going to resolve the matter.
Two days later, her boyfriend contacted Kongkong and told her everything. He also said that because of this incident, he lost his job, that the woman would no longer harass him, and that the child was aborted.
’s boyfriend knelt down with Kongkong, saying that he was confused at the time and made such a mistake, but his feelings for her have not changed. He hoped that for the sake of these six years, he would be given a chance.
How could Kong Kong be willing to let go of the past 6 years, and seeing the man in front of him so repentant, the wedding was coming, and his parents had already seen him, could it end like this?
Kongkong felt pain in her heart. She couldn't fully accept it, but she was unwilling to do so. Her mind seemed to be hinting to herself: This man might really know that he was wrong and he would change it.
Just like that, a month later, the two people got married.
After getting married, history repeated itself again. One day, while Kong Kong was taking care of her children at home, another pregnant woman rang the doorbell.
Seeing everything in front of him, Kong Kong seemed to have a premonition of what was going to happen. Sure enough, the man cheated again and got someone else pregnant, but this time, the fetus was too big to be aborted, and women came to force him to have an abortion.
This time, Kong Kong was really ashamed and could no longer bear this scene. I feel like the sky is falling and I am completely unable to cope with it all. My parents didn't dare to tell me, and my friends were too embarrassed to tell me.
Those days were the most painful days for Kong Kong. She couldn't believe the men around her and didn't know where the way out was. One moment, he wanted to come to the house and slap the mistress, the next moment, he felt inferior to himself and felt that he was not good in any way, so he let the man go out to find a woman. The next moment, he looked at the man as if he was from another world.
She was browsing the Internet for answers until she came across my article.
She said that those articles were like her salvation. During that period of time, day and night, she relied on reading my articles to survive.
When she finally got up the courage to come to me, we worked out her strategy together.
She needs warmth, but she can't ask for this warmth from a man; the child in the mistress's belly must be born, and this marriage is in dire straits.
She could have had a better life.
In the following months, Kongkong has been adjusting himself. While gradually letting go of his feelings, he also began to plan for divorce.
In the end, when the mistress gave birth to the child, Kong Kong chose to divorce. She received good material compensation, became a single mother by herself, and let the man live with the mistress.
This ending is good for Kong Kong, but how many women are still struggling in the sea of hatred, anxiety, low self-esteem, and anger, not knowing how to get ashore.
01 Why won’t a cheating man stop?
Many sisters may not want to admit it, but in their hearts they may be expecting that one day the man will realize that he was wrong, and then he will apologize and look back. Then, under this expectation, he will live the painful and torturous process of keeping the marriage.
But Sister Si wants to say, wake up! ! !
Let’s follow Sister Si’s idea and let’s find out why.
Someone may tell you that the problem in your marriage is not because he cheated on you, but because there was a rift before, so the lover took advantage of it.
This sentence points to: Flies do not bite seamless eggs.
is correct, but as a person who has control over his own behavior, it can be completely avoided. He can face temptation and choose to say no.
Therefore, I hope sisters will not be brainwashed by this sentence.
Again, men.
After a man is found cheating on a woman, he will use the gangster theory to rationalize himself:
"I drank too much that day, and I was obsessed with it."
"I just made the same mistake that all men in the world make."
"We have been quarreling recently. I It’s really annoying, but she has always been very nice to me, and I couldn’t control it for a while.”
…what? ? ?
He was the one who cheated on me, why did he put all the responsibility on you?
This is because men don’t want to admit that they are wrong, so they will habitually make external attributions and use the so-called "gangster theory" to shift the responsibility for the problem to you.
means that I don’t have to cheat, but it’s all because of that woman; if I cheat, isn’t it because of you?
Look, it’s either the original wife’s fault or the woman’s fault. In short, cheating is not his fault.
As a result, many sisters began to introspect, whether they had really done badly in marriage, whether they had really neglected their care and needs for men. At this time, women became men's "robber theory" Prisoner of the underworld.
then began to make internal attributions and pointed all the problems at himself.
Until the end, he said to Sister Si: "It seems that I did not do well in something, otherwise, he might not have cheated on me."
Look, a man’s few words can coax you into thinking.
When a woman begins to reflect, or even puts away her anger when she first discovers a man's cheating, the message the man gets is: "If you are right, why do you bow your head, and why do you reflect on yourself?"
You see, in the man’s step-by-step “guidance”, you completely fell into it.
In the end, he cheated, but gained a wife who cared more about him.
You took all the responsibilities he should bear and the mistakes he should bear on yourself. You helped him to "rationalize" himself, and he became the beneficiary. How could he Do you know you were wrong? How could he change?
Moreover, from now on, he will catch any of your mistakes like sesame seeds, continue to use this routine, give you the responsibility, and let you attribute to yourself, and he will get the "justifiable reason" to cheat again.
"You forced me to cheat." Isn't that their mantra?
Therefore, he will continue to cheat because he is the beneficiary of the cheating and he has not been punished at all.
A person has tasted the sweetness of something. It’s you. Will you stop?
02 Strip away emotions and look at benefits
I understand your current mood. It may be a combination of multiple emotions. You can think about it now and you can't think about it now.
When you can think about it, everything feels like it doesn't matter; when you can't think about it, you can't wait to catch the rapist, retaliate, and tear her apart right now.
You stare at the man closely, wanting to ask him for an explanation, asking him "why" and "why".
But he just doesn’t answer, or even if he answers, you don’t believe him.
The two people fell into endless quarrels and confrontations, changing from husband and wife to enemies, from lovers to enemies, from supporting each other to hurting each other.
And all of this is thanks to him.
People’s mental bandwidth is limited. We pay attention to them every day, think about them, and let our emotions consume us. How can we still have the time and energy to develop ourselves and care for our children?
So, it’s time to make an emotional detachment. Only by separating emotionally can you stop paying attention to him and prevent his bad things from continuing to harm your body.
Recognize the fact that he does not love you and is not worthy of your love, and then emotionally separate from him.
I know that this will be very painful. After being together for several years, ten years or even decades, it has become embedded in the body like limbs.
But it is precisely because it is embedded in the body that it is necessary to scrape the bones and heal the wounds in order to remove the broken one from the body.
Stop loving, at least peel off the skin. However, it is precisely time to quit now while it only scratches the surface. Otherwise, when the venom attacks the heart, it will hurt the very foundation.
At that time, it was a lifetime that was ruined.
When you are emotionally separated from him, you will gradually become rational, and at this time you will find that the most important thing is not feelings, but interests.
In this marriage, the man cheated on her many times, and there was no possibility of forgiveness.
When love is unreliable, go for profit.
When getting along with a partner, use the three-character rule (don't pay attention, don't expect, don't blame, don't complain) to get rid of your emotional dependence on him, and at the same time clarify the main line of your life, develop yourself, and accumulate the strength to leave.
The world is like this. There is always a dark side in human nature. We are always accustomed to staying in a fixed comfort zone all year round, safe and stable, but once a strong wind and waves come, it will completely sweep you into the deep sea.
Therefore, we must learn to have some ability to protect ourselves in the same emotional world, no longer be naive in love, be more thoughtful, and often exercise in the stretching area, so that we can navigate difficult areas with ease.
03 Be your own master and no longer be dominated by this man.
Once a person is dominated by life, life will be difficult. What's in life?
Men, work, money, body, if even a small thing among these things can stimulate your anxiety, then you are completely controlled by life.
We must flip it over. I want to control everything I can control. It does not mean that we should change them, but when these things happen, we can control ourselves and not be affected by them. How to control
? When you can't change the status quo and you can't control your emotions, leaving is the best choice.
Leave these scumbags, not because he is not good, but because you are in a bad state when you are with him.
We need to make a break from life and subtract from the burdened emotions.
Marriage is just a relationship. This relationship serves our lives, not us serving the marriage.
The criterion for choosing a marriage must be whether it is beneficial to the main line of our own lives.
For many first wives, when they are unable to live without a man, the most important thing is to accumulate the capital to leave. Sooner or later, they will not want this man who has cheated on him several times. There is no need to put too much thought into him. The main line of his life is Something to consider carefully.
analyzes his existing advantages, develops wherever he can get more money, and does whatever is good for his body. After all, the last thing humanity fights for is the body.
For children, how to plan their studies and how to improve their grades are all responsible things.
How can you make a down payment for a house after divorce? You can also set it as a goal; how to get a graduate degree and develop your career; how to develop a side job, after all, it requires the accumulation of time and traffic; how to make reasonable arrangements Time and planning...we have so many things to care about that we don't have time to worry about the spring and the autumn.
And what about the man? If there is still value, just take care of your children and get the money on time and keep it as a partner.
In Sister Si, the consideration of divorce is always based on interests.
The serious thing we have to do is to strive to equip ourselves with the ability to divorce and make ourselves the helmsman of life.
We must believe that sentence: Never try to change others, the only one who can change is yourself.
In the days to come, although I have no backer but myself, I will be able to move more steadily and confidently.
What is the best way to make your husband dislike his lover? Let them get along
