In an intimate relationship, your significant other is your mirror. The closer you are, the better you can see yourself.
Each of us is imperfect.
But many people would rather break the mirror than look at the real self.
, long 05:10
We've all heard the story of Cinderella, fairy tale At the end, Cinderella and the prince lived happily together, writing a perfect ending for the love story.
But the scene in the musical "Visit to the Forest" adapted by playwright Stephen Sondheim is more in line with the truth of life:
span1 Values,As a result, Cinderella and the prince began to experience various conflicts and quarrels after their marriage. Both of them wandered in the forest with helplessness and pain.
Teacher Xizi said: When we started a relationship, most of them were _span3sp and excitement _span3sp _span0 _span3p With the deepening of mutual understanding, everyone will inevitably encounter various contradictions and problems.
Just like the three-element theory of love proposed by psychologist Sternberg:
Love is composed of three basic components-passion, intimacy and commitment.
Passion will stimulate the strong attraction of both parties and quickly warm the relationship.
But research has found that this passion will subside in about half a year.
this time,When two people enter the state of an old husband and wife, it will involve how to use intimacy and commitment to maintain intimacy.
Intimacy refers to the warm experience that can be caused in a romantic relationship, and commitment refers to the decision expectation or guarantee of maintaining the relationship.
The so-called perfect lover made in heaven does not exist.
In " Wonderful Talk", Prof. Xue Zhaofeng gave an image analogy from the economic point of view: _p7 block 0 block _p7 In the big tank, there are 7.2 billion mung beans, you and your "destined" are the only two red beans.
You want to meet in a short lifetime, no matter how you shake this bucket, the probability of meeting is almost zero.
To fall in love is to talk about the advantages of one person.To get married is to live with one's shortcomings.
Those enviable intimacy, behind them are hard work you can't see.
Only by understanding and accepting each other can the "wrong" choice be turned into the right person.
There is now a popular saying that a good marriage should be "separate each other."
But Mr. Xizi thinks:
_span_span_span. Everyone has no spirit of cooperation. I don't think that this will bring greater value. A good marriage is actually more like starting a business. Everyone learns from each other and works towards a better goal together.It is 1+1>2. Some time ago, Tony Leung and Carina Lau showed off together in the early years. In the picture, Carina Lau is generous and domineering, while Tony Leung has a cautious expression, holding Carina Lau tightly, like a child.
The strong contrast of the “social terrorism + social influencer” search expert, instantly was topped by netizens.
One is outgoing and active, the other is deep and reserved. Carina Lau and Tony Leung are people from two different planets.
But this pair of partners who were once underestimated have gone through 33 years.
Carina Lau's hardest years, Tony Leung who loves filming decisively turned down all the drama contracts and accompanied Carina Lau through the dark years.
Carina Lau said: "Wei Zai accompanied me through many ups and downs.Gave me the power of a mountain. "
Carina Lau is cheerful and lively. As long as she is with her, Tony Leung, who is sensitive and introverted, will not be able to stop her smile. He said:
span5 The exorcist, when I heard her laugh and heard her talking to me, I knew that I had returned to reality. "
She uses her secularity and strength to protect his poems and the distance. He uses his quiet and strength to protect her thoroughness. _strong23_strongp _span1 p5p Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu are well-known loving couples. Their relationship is passed down as a good story, but there are also conflicts and conflicts.
, however, when they have a dispute with , Will abide by a rule:
Whenever we reach the commanding heights of emotions, we will recall the original intention of marriage, then stop attacking and return to the track of understanding empathy and solving problems. quarrel,Not to solve each other, but to solve the problem together. Running a marriage is like running a business, and enthusiasm is part of it, and more is a spirit of cooperation and win-win. As the joint responsibility of the marriage, the husband and wife can only manage a good marriage if they share the same honor and disgrace and advance and retreat together.
experience in clinical counseling in the river sub-teacher, there is a case she was impressed:
Xiao A is an excellent woman who works hard and is motivated. People around her love her, but emotionally, her love journey is very bumpy.
She has no shortage of suitors, but every time she is in love, she will never last more than 3 months.
Because every time you fall in love, Xiao A seems to be a different person, becoming very clingy, and even requires the other party to return his news immediately, and kill him if he doesn't.
Whenever she feels the neglect of the other party, she will break up, but if the other party really agrees to break up with her, she will be extremely painful again, like a vicious circle.
Later in the clinical consultation, Mr. Xizi found that Xiao A’s family is very patriarchal.
In childhood, Xiao A had a toy that she wanted very much, and she kept asking her mother to buy it for her. Mom didn’t tire of it, and finally said: "I will buy you the top 3 in the exam." _span3p0
Little a worked very hard that semester and got second place, but my mother refused to fulfill her promise.
But when my brother casually said that he wanted a pair of sneakers, my mother agreed without thinking about it.
The seven-year-old saw her brother wearing sneakers happily, crying so hard that she couldn't control herself.
This incident has a great impact on Xiao A, and has been ignored by her parents for a long time, making her feel that she is easily abandoned.
This kind of childhood feeling is easily activated in her love. The result is that every time she is in love, she must hold the other person hard, hoping that the other person will not leave her, but finally let Both sides are in pain.
In the show " Luyu has an appointment ", Yi Nengjing once talked about the reason for her divorce with Harlem block _span5 block _span5 p1p _span3p _span5 p _span5 In the previous marriage, I seemed to grab a driftwood. I hope that he will solve all the pains of my native family and my confused relationship between men and women in this industry.
But why, he is not your doctor, they are here to talk to you and find a wife, not to treat you!
Every intimate relationship will encounter difficulties, and behind every problem, there is a certain emotional pain.
is this kind of pain,Lead to quarrels, criticism, or mutual accusations.
If we encounter difficulties but indulge ourselves to vent our emotions, it will cause the relationship between the two of them to drift away.
On the surface, the two parties in a dispute often seem to be on opposite sides, but in fact, all disputes originate from their own pain.
Only by perceiving the inner question can the question be turned into an answer.
Jianye Dai _
The deeper, the more the requirements, the less the harvest.
In a two-person world, you can "high standards" for yourself, but not "strict requirements" for your partner.
the pain of marriage,Many of them are projections of one's own heart. Only by changing one's own can problems be solved.
Think of marriage as a practice, practice well, lower your expectations externally, and improve yourself internally.
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