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This article was originally created by Duanmu Wanqing. All forms of reprinting are refused without my authorization. Offenders must be investigated.
Today’s article comes from reader Liu Li (pseudonym) asking for help.
She has a boyfriend who has been together for 6 years. She is a barber. Although her parents did not approve of it before, they didn't beat the mandarin duck.
After the Lin Shengbin incident, Liu Li's marriage was suddenly met with unprecedented opposition from her parents.
Why does Liu Li have a dilemma?
Let’s take a look at her story.
For the convenience of reading, the following article is written in the first person.
Part.1
My name is Liu Li, I am 27 years old this year, located in Hangzhou, and I am an HR.
My father is a doctor and my mother works as the financial manager of in a private company. Our family has a second set in Hangzhou and a car. The annual salary of our parents is about 50W+.
In my memory, my father loves my mother, and they love me very much. They regard me as the jewel in the palm.
From small to large,It didn't make me suffer, and I basically maintained a supportive attitude for what I wanted to do as long as I was online.
I am also very upbeat. From elementary school to university, I have excellent grades, a gentle personality, and behaved well. I basically didn't let my parents worry about it or miss any hope.
is a good boy recognized by everyone.
Others say I am blessed, and I agree.
has a good birth, has a pair of parents who love me, can receive a high-quality education environment, and live in a relaxed, democratic and harmonious family atmosphere.
Until recently, when I met my lifelong event, I suddenly doubted everything I had ever had.
I am confused. I wonder if my life has been living in an illusion for the past 20 years?
My parents, did they really love me?
Or do you prefer me in the hope in their plan?
Part.2
Things are like this.
I have a boyfriend named W.
I met him during my university studies in Nanjing.
We have been together for 6 years.
W is 4 years older than me. His hometown is in Sichuan. After graduating from high school, he went to work in society.
used to work as a waiter in a cafe, opened a fast food restaurant with friends, and worked as an insurance salesperson, but it didn't last long.
W There is a distant relative in my hometown who opened a barber shop in Nanjing, and the business is not bad. Later, he took refuge in this relative under the direction of his family.
When I met him, he was already a popular beauty salon teacher in the shop.
After I met W, I often asked him to make hair, and W also likes to make hair for me.
We have added WeChat and talk about everything. Gradually I found that he liked me, he was very caring and gentle towards me, and took good care of my emotions. I also enjoyed his pursuit, and I also liked his handsome and humorous.
He loves to laugh and can speak well.
is not the kind of greasy tone, but has its own insights. It may be that he entered society earlier and accumulated a certain amount of experience, and these experiences are precisely what I am fascinated by in the ivory tower.
Freshman winter vacation, W confessed to me that I became his girlfriend.
Part.3
I am in love with W. At first, it was hidden from my parents.
was just in freshman year,I'm afraid they won't allow me to fall in love, and I'm afraid that they will dislike the W high school diploma, have a bad career, and be a barber.
He is basically in the shop from morning to night.
We broke up once in the middle of the trip, and then reconciled.
broke up because W's hometown introduced him to him. He took a week off and went back to blind date in a sneaky way. Later, he didn't meet each other because he thought the other person was not good-looking and not gentle enough. Just blow.
This incident was originally going to be rotten in W's stomach, but one of his brothers drank some wine and missed it.
I also know.
At that time, I was very angry. I felt that W was talking to me about each other and thinking about going back to my hometown to find a wife. Isn't this a typical phenomenon of eating a bowl and looking at the pot?
I broke up with him and broke up.
The reason for the reconciliation is that W found me and cried for my forgiveness. He admitted his mistake and promised to quit his job in Nanjing and come to Hangzhou to live with me when I graduated from university. Will be filial to my parents.
He wrote a guarantee that he will not betray me in his lifetime. To betray me, he was struck by lightning.
W also explained the real reason for his blind date.
He said, being with me is a bit inferior. I am from Hangzhou, I have a little money in my family, and my parents have good careers, but he is just a haircutter.
He feels that there are countless choices in my future,He winced. But he loves me very much and doesn't want to be with others, so he says that the parents are ugly. It's just a reason to prevaricate the parents.
Faced with W's explanation, I feel distressed. I also love him very much, and breaking up makes me painful. I have never despised his profession, his education, his birth, I think that is not a matter of choice.
And doing their business also makes a lot of money.
Love, no one is not worthy of another. I naturally forgive.
Part.4
I really think that the horizontal distance between me and W will not be a big deal.
He loves me, and I love him, that’s enough.
I also firmly believe that my parents are righteous people and they will not look down on W. As long as W and I live in Hangzhou, everything is fine.
At that time, I told W that when I graduated from university, we would meet with each other's parents to discuss marriage.
He said, he can wait for me.
The year I graduated, W fulfilled his promise and quit my job in Nanjing and returned to Hangzhou with me.
He also found the barber industry, and under the arrangement of my parents, I successfully entered a company as HR.
Due to the distance between my work place and my home, it is not convenient to go back and forth every day, so I rented a bachelor apartment near the company.
W's shop is not far from me. He often stays at my place after work.
We also quarrel when we live together, basically because he doesn't like to do housework, and I have to bring it to him for dinner.
He thinks that he is in the service industry, serving people all day long, but he is actually very tired, so he wants to lie flat when he comes home.
My parents didn't know it. Once they ran into W when they gave me clothes, they knew that I had made a boyfriend. It was also the first time they met him off guard.
When I learned that I had been in love for many years, my parents were shocked. Later, they naturally inquired about W like other parents. After they knew he was from a province or a barber, they disapproved on the spot.
They want me to find someone who is the right person, at least with matching education.
I quarreled with my parents for the first time. I think they are snobs. Tell them clearly, I love W very much.
Later they didn't say anything too much.
just kept trying to persuade me to pay attention, fall in love and be cautious when getting married.
My dad said, "You don't understand and feel love now, so you will wait for two years of work before you get married."
I thought they agreed.
so I promised them too,I won’t marry W until my job is stable.
Part.5
This year, W and I are together for the 7th year.
This love marathon has been a long way, he became anxious, and I was also anxious.
His parents urged the marriage countless times.
said that W is not too young, and that we should get married and have children after we have been together for so many years. Before, it was because I was still studying, and they had trouble saying anything.
Now I have graduated 2.3 years. If I don't get married, I will be dragged up by W age. They are still waiting to hold their grandson when they are old.
W also tapped side by side repeatedly to remind me, urging me to make a decision as soon as possible.
W told me that he couldn't afford a house in Hangzhou, but he could give it to me if he saved 200,000 tens of thousands over the years, and his parents could also put together 100,000, a total of 300,000.
This is all he can give. I hope that my family will not have too high a threshold for the bride price in the wedding room. He can't afford it too high.
Regarding these, I naturally have no opinion. I am definitely willing to marry him.
I am still confident that my parents will not care, after all, my family has two houses. Parents can also solve our urgent needs by giving us a set.
So I discussed with my parents about my marriage with W in a very happy mood, and wanted to get married at the end of the year.
The Lin Shengbin incident has not happened yet. They just have some objections. Let me think about it and say that they think W is not appropriate. Said he was not very dedicated. They went unannounced several times and saw him flirting with female customers in the store.
After the Lin Shengbin incident came out, the city was full of ups and downs, and there was a lot of discussion. My parents found me and directly rejected the marriage.
They said that W is not the best candidate for me to get married. They have a tough attitude and hope that I will break up as soon as possible. Tell me not to disappoint them.
Since I was little, I have never let my parents down, but this time they are against the man I love. What's wrong with W? I do not understand.
I have no way to satisfy them.
I asked them why they objected.
My mother said: W is Tony. Your dad and I don't like it, and don't worry about leaving you to live with him.
I said: What happened to Tony? You and my dad don’t have a haircut anymore? Isn't this a profession? Is there any need for discrimination?
My mother said: Have you seen the Lin Shengbin incident? People all over the country know what kind of person he is, don't you not know it? Wasn't he also a barber? Do you think he is reliable?
I said he can be compared with W? W came to Hangzhou for me,My family did not support him to start a business as a boss.
My dad said: You have to wait for W to be like Lin to shed tears, right?
Where is this and where?
I'm so angry. For the first time, I felt that my parents were so narrow-minded and unreasonable.
I think it's ridiculous that they object to calling W Tony. It's not the first time they know about W's profession, nor the first time they know the fact that I and W are together.
I heard about Lin Shengbin, and I think he has done too much, but he can't beat all the barbers to death.
This is not fair to W.
Part.6
Liu Li asked me in the help:
did not opposespan, why did they oppose it before?
Why do you call others Tony? Also compare W and Lin Moumou.
Is this a bit biased?
Liu Li also said:
She had several quarrels with her parents about W.It is now in the cold war stage.
She is still insisting. There is just one more thing that makes her sad. W retreated.
She hopes that W will be as persistent as her, but W said that if Liu Li's parents cannot accept him and do not agree to the marriage, then forget it.
said he could not wait. He hopes to marry her very much, but if it is an exhausting persistence, it is better to separate and start again.
He gave Liu Li 3 months to make a decision.
Liu Li is embarrassed.
Don’t know what to do?
On the one hand, she is the parents who gave birth to her. She must be blessed by her family when she gets married. On the other hand, she is the man who has been in love for 6 years.
How to choose?
She wants to hear my analysis and the opinions of people who come over.
Part.7
Liu Li’s encounters are similar to those in the emotional help I have contacted in the past.
When I was in my 20s, I met the first man I loved and wanted to marry him for a lifetime.
When we talked about marriage, we got stuck in one parent.Don't know where to go?
Don’t know where is the way out?
I understand her feelings very well, because we have all been young, loved, and even suffered such and other difficulties in love.
In the age when love is supreme, most of them are sentimental and full of water. Many people can love at all costs, and they can go for it at all costs.
is to love loneliness and courage.
There is no absolute right or wrong in this matter. It can only be said that everyone chooses differently and wants differently.
Some people turn to the left, some people turn to the right. Some people are right, some are wrong.
But judging from Liu Li's situation, W gave me the impression that it was not a good choice.
is not because of his career as a barber, but because of the relationship between him and Liu Li, which is not as loving and firm as she said.
6 years together, not a short time.
But while in love with Liu Li, while swearing by each other, he went back to his hometown and secretly went on a blind date? What kind of show operation is this?
is about to be matched. Is Liu Li the object he abandoned, or is he acting as a substitute for emotional emptiness before marriage?
Liu Li’s parents objected to her daughter’s association with W. Although they were a bit biased, there was a phenomenon of killing everyone with a stick. Not all hairdressers were Lin Moumou.
but W didn’t fight for it and just retreated.It shows that his inner love is not firm enough. And judging from the quarrel about doing housework, this situation will recur in life after marriage, and I am afraid that the phenomenon of the two-handed shopkeeper will be more serious.
Liu Li's parents disagreed, he said, forget it, although there are reasons for the frustration of self-esteem, but more often, he always leaves a way for himself.
I did not reply to Liu Li any more. I just reminded her from the perspective of a woman who has been married for many years that she should be cautious about getting married.
Those whose parents are trying their best to get the right message should stop first, ask more questions, and think more about what went wrong?
I have thought enough, thought thoroughly, and prepared the tolerance threshold, and it is not too late to decide what to do.
Although love has run a marathon for 6 years, not everyone who has run for a long time must be the right person.
Duanmu Wanqing: emotional author, your emotional girlfriend, has published the best-selling book "Understand, is the most beautiful love story in the world", thank you for reading, and look forward to your attention.
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