Li Yinhe , mainly engaged in research on sexology and homosexuality, is a very outstanding modern woman with groundbreaking characteristics. Word of mouth is about her love with Wang Xiaobo , and her identity as a sociologist has only been known in recent years. I guess this is partly due to the increase in the status of women and the rising popularity of feminist topics, and partly due to the broadcast of the online program .
Li Yinhe (picture comes from the Internet)
Before reading, I thought it was an academic work, but when I got it, I found that my expectations were wrong. "Li Yinhe on Intimacy" is biased towards interpretation and discussion. The author uses colloquial forms to talk about the problems and confusions we may encounter in intimate relationships. For example, “should you find someone you love or someone who loves yourself”, “should you make demands of the other person in love”, “how to deal with domestic violence?”, “how to deal with cheating?”. From "how to meet true love" to "how to establish a healthy emotional relationship", I also discussed in detail "what are the conditions for a happy marriage?" Once you choose to enter the marriage, you should "how to deal with the various crises in your marriage" . In addition, Li Yinhe also mentioned the current lack of sex education in China and the predicament of sex education development. The final chapter is to clarify how we should view life. Li Yinhe mentioned works and thoughts that have a major influence on the formation of his life philosophy .
I know a counselor, he said that most of the background messages are for consultation on emotional issues. Human beings are born as social animals and will inevitably have a lot of contact with other people. Emotional needs arise at the historic moment. Intimacy is very important among them. As Adler said, all problems stem from interpersonal relationships. Since interpersonal relationships are so important, and Li Yinhe's topics in this book are so rich, why don't we follow in her footsteps and take a look at what we have experienced or will likely experience?
The necessity of sex education
I decided to change the order,Let’s talk about the “necessity of sex education” mentioned in Chapter 5. After all, under the ideal state, sex education should start from an early age. Starting with a baby is always extremely important. I don’t know how everyone received sex education. As far as my personal experience is, there is no sex education in elementary school. Junior High School Biology has a section about male and female reproductive systems. We won't talk about it in class. In other words, there is no sex education in junior high school, and it will continue to be the same in the future. If sex education knowledge is not taught by schools and families, will it be blocked from spreading and learning? Obviously not. Under the care of adults, the curiosity of young people is becoming more and more vigorous, and the information age has given great convenience. This knowledge often needs to be learned from various corners, such as films, novels and other media. Not only is it not systematic, but there are also many misunderstandings. Depression and avoidance have become boosters. Do you think there is only a lack of sex education for children and adolescents? No, many adults have very little knowledge of sex education and even feudalism. On the topic of "how to successfully contraceptive", Li Yinhe mentioned the difference between male and female ligation. Some of the statements mentioned in the book, I often hear in daily life, for example, men think that ligation will reduce their sexual ability and physical strength, which is obviously nonsense. Because the concept is more in line with the discourse system of the current patriarchal social structure, it seems so easy to be accepted. People don't think about whether there is theoretical support behind it, but choose to believe and support it, and at the same time refuse to accept the rest of the information. Li Yinhe mentioned the difficulties of promoting sex education in China, but she remains optimistic and believes that with the progress and changes of the times, the promotion of sex education will succeed.
The dilemma of intimacy
On the basis of theoretical support, we have gradually grown up and entered the age-appropriate period for the development of intimacy. Human emotion patterns are often affected by past experiences and are difficult to change. When we enter an intimate relationship, we change from "one person" to "two people", and new problems arise. It is often said that love is not only sweet, but pain is also essential. In fact, some pains can be resolved, and these pains are often caused by our unrealistic demands for others to change. Although two people are together, we still hope that he can become a person like himself, with the nickname "good for you".If you want to force others to become yourself, why do you need the other's existence? In the same way, can he also force you to become him? In this case, are you willing? Whether talking about love or marriage, Li Yinhe emphasized that " must maintain each other's individual independence and integrity, respect each other's wishes, and not force or overly restrict each other. " People must first become themselves in the world. To be more complete and healthy can you better establish intimacy with others. If you have problems and blindly ask others to cooperate with you, you will often not get comfortable intimacy. Before rushing to criticize others, think about whether you are too harsh. This applies not only to intimate relationships, but also to any interpersonal relationship.
How should we treat intimacy?
Women used to be considered the most important thing to marry talents. As society becomes more developed, women's social status gradually improves, and the degree of participation in social production gradually deepens. Some people have the ability to actively choose to be single and not to enter marriage. However, as Li Yinhe said on the girdle: “Among the many relationships among people, intimacy is the most interesting. It can bring warmth and joy to people. I still hope that everyone can open their hearts and not refuse to establish intimacy. Possibility. If you happen to be in love, you can still indulge yourself in love."
Intimacy is after all an important part of life and life. The formation of a complete and active philosophy of life is bound to be of great help to the understanding and practice of intimate relationships. Li Yinhe mentioned the thought that has a profound influence on himself, that is, reasonable self-interest: " does not use reason to suppress emotions, nor does it blindly restrain people’s personality, but pursues the all-round development of everyone. It is not a kind of Complete altruism, when the third type of , , does altruistic things, it can also bring happiness to one's own soul, so it is both altruistic and self-interested. "So, your philosophy of life Which side do you prefer?
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