Reader question: Hello General, I am 24 years old this year, and my brother is 2 years younger than me. Both of them are already working outside. My brother used to work intermittently. Both of these jobs were found by my parents. It is forcing him to go to work, otherwise he is not willing to go.
Recently, he said that he would quit his job and go home. In fact, it is not impossible to go home to find something to do. It is just a combination of the state he stayed at home before, sleeps late every night and wakes up just to look at his phone. I would rather he not come back. , But the family can't help him.
My brother was spoiled and grown up when he was a child, but at that time everyone didn't know it. So after so many years of spoiling, he was very dependent on the family in life and psychologically, and his personality was like a child.
When he communicates with us, if what we say does not meet his expectations, he will lose his temper.
For example, my mother talks to him on the phone and asks him to eat well and don’t always eat snacks. He asks if steamed dumplings can’t be done. Maybe my mom didn’t hear the word "steamed dumplings", or my mom was used to saying no. .
After listening to my mom’s words, he started to get angry, "Oh, steamed dumplings are not OK. Okay, then I threw it away. Anyway, it’s also junk food balabala." During the period, my mom tried to explain, but he was immersed in You must finish these words in your own world.
We tried both soft and hard ways to communicate with him, but in the end, we coaxed him. This kind of communication is really tiring, and if it doesn't make sense, we will be forced to take a step back by losing our temper. What should I do when facing such a brother?
General Answer:
Looking at the example you gave, I feel that your brother is not like a 22-year-old adult, and a 12-year-old may be more mature than him. has not been "weaned" physically or mentally, family members Continue to "supply milk" , this is really "one willing to fight and one willing to suffer".
Do you know how the psychologist Skinner eliminated a certain behavior of the mouse? After that behavior of ,Without giving any feedback, after many times, the behavior rarely occurs, or no longer occurs.
The behavior of your brother losing his temper is the same.
If every time he loses his temper, his family will take a step back, and the "tantrum" will continue to fail. He knows that losing his temper is useful, so why not use it?
Anyway, he will be raised by his parents when he goes home from work. If he is upset, he will be coaxed by his family. He doesn't need to grow up.
You mentioned that your family didn't know how to pet your brother before, and you mentioned that now it doesn't work both hard and soft, but you know it now, and you have tried part of it, but in the end it was "too soft".
Your soft-hearted nature is still "pampering" or indulging, or maintaining and strengthening your younger brother's immaturity.
Let's be "heart cruel" first, if he doesn't go to work, then the family won't provide for him, he goes to bed late and wakes up late, don't take his share of the meal, when will he realize that the family will no longer last? Constantly "supplying milk", he went to find milk to drink.
But I want to remind one thing, if your parents can't do "heart cruel", you have to stay awake, you now have a "mother mentality".
Your brother’s affairs are taken care of by your parents. From now on, whether it is between your parents and your brother, . You are his sister. The love you can give to your brother is caring, support and encouragement, not support and Indulge, you should not be responsible for your brother's life.
At least you should not join the team of your parents "too soft-hearted", you are his sister, but you are also yourself. #晒爱# #心软# #发调气#
.General Guo, Beijing Normal University Master of Psychology, National Level 2 Psychological Counselor , Han Han 【ONE】Popular author, author of books "You are a stranger to yourself" and "The world prefers you who heal and enjoy yourself".
