Lin Yutang said, "Be brave to be your true self, stand alone, and don't want to be someone else".
When a girl likes a guy, she can't avoid chasing him in the way he likes.
or become dignified and generous, or "playful" or "aesthetic", constantly changing themselves, to get closer to the person they like.
can eventually get lost in the constant inspection and cover-up of self, and end up with the ending of "Luohua is intentional and ruthless".
I remember that in " Ode to Joy ", Qu Xiaoxiao and her boyfriend are two completely different types of people. She is a rich girl who spends time and money, but her favorite Doctor Zhao is a serious young talent.
But Qu Xiaoxiao fell in love with the erudite Doctor Zhao, so she recklessly "pursued".
However, when she was always proud and arrogant, when she lowered her body to join her boyfriend's circle, she found that she not only lost her former cuteness, but also became inferior and sensitive.
She will be annoyed because she can't understand the technical terms in their conversations, and she will feel at a loss because of the "uncultured" nature that she unintentionally reveals.
Although Qu Xiaoxiao has no ink on her chest but is rich, the gift of apology may be Dr. Zhao's salary for several years, but she still forces herself to listen to classical music and read books.
Two people, who are far apart in material and spirit, try to change themselves and integrate into each other's world, but the result is often that both of them are physically and mentally exhausted.
The two clearly have their own pride, but in this relationship, they also have their own humbleness, which led to their first breakup.
In the process of falling in love, what attracts two people to each other must be the good parts of each other, the shining advantages.
But to maintain such a relationship, we must learn to live with the real.
Especially in the intimacy of modern people, they pay more and more attention to themselves, pay attention to reality, and are easy to accept the "innocence" of temptation.
If we don't face each other honestly and honestly, the relationship will be difficult to maintain.
The most practical advice for interacting with boys
. Believe that you are worthy of love
In the early days of both parties, people's cognition is snobby and biased, and they will set standards based on first impressions.
is like a rumor circulating on the Internet: when a boy and a girl meet for dinner for the first time, the girl decides to go to a roadside stall, and then goes to a high-end restaurant, there is a suspicion of material worship.
But if you make an appointment with Michelin restaurant for the first time, and then make an appointment with a small restaurant later, it will be regarded as sincere and down-to-earth.
This "positive reinforcement" is very important.
Together with boys, you need to put yourself in a position to be taken seriously and take care of, so that the other party can value you from the very beginning.
Another example is that girls always cry to boys, and boys may feel pity for the past painful experiences.
But when he discovers the other's shortcomings, he may feel that poor people must have something to hate.
Maybe he will not be so patient, so the girl turns to think that the man is not good.
If you need a man to give more love, you need to tell him that you have been in a state of being loved and deserve better love, and you need to be good to yourself.
At the same time, in the process of communication, he needs to clearly tell him the mode of being loved before.
You need to tell him how others loved you in the past, how your family and people around you spoiled you, and how you were loved.
If women want to gain respect, they should establish their own principles and clarify their own standards in the process of communication.
The principle in the relationship should be that you cannot compromise yourself, and if the other party can't do it, you will not be with him.
The principle of
should be clearly told to the other party from the beginning, for example:
①"When in love with me, you must delete the contact information of your ex. Gifts, it doesn't matter if you are expensive or not, but your heart must be there.
④I am a very pragmatic woman, I need you to show your love for me by actions Ready to get married, don't want to live with parents"
In fact, many men simply don't understand how to love someone.
A man who really knows how to love you will be willing to love you according to your patterns and principles.
starts to decide the result, establishes the pattern that he loves you from the beginning, then you will easily harvest his love.
It is important to feel in the bottom of your heart that you deserve his better love.
And among them, many girls always ask a question: Do you not love me anymore?
This sentence is a kind of negative stimulus, which will lead him to more and more doubt whether he still loves you.
If you often emphasize "you love me very much" positively, repeat and reinforce it, the result will be different.
For example, when a boy comes to pick him up when he gets off work, he can say, "You still pick me up so late, you love me so much." At the beginning of
, the boy may refute, but after a long time he will slow down Slow to begin to believe: do I really love her.
Correctly use positive feedback to encourage and strengthen the phenomenon of loving you. After a long time, it will successfully make him have the subconscious that he loves you very much.
. Be the most authentic self.
In most cases, when two people get closer and closer in a relationship, women will enter the state more slowly than men. This is a common phenomenon.
And when a girl accepts a boy, the feelings will gradually heat up in the later process, which is an increasing trend for girls.
But for boys, it is actually a decreasing trend.
First decide whether you like each other or not, then add reasons one by one, and verify the correctness of the reasons in the actual process of getting along.
But there is a serious problem. If the boy accepts the girl, he does not touch the real side of both sides.
In the later process, the possibility that the girl hopes that the boy will like her more and more will be lower.
Because everyone has advantages and disadvantages, it is difficult to change a person, but it is easy to truly express yourself, and it will always be exposed over time.
Once, my cousin met a nice guy on a blind date, and when they were about to enter a long-term relationship, they had a chat by chance.
He said that he thinks his cousin is a very good girl, and the two sides will complement each other very well. He also said, "You need to know that even if I don't look for you every day, but you are good, you can look for me."
She calmed down and thought about it. The beginning of the relationship has always been dominated by boys, and I am used to being accommodating. I am always praised for being very gentle and well-behaved.
But in fact, she is not like this, the real self is a bit neurotic and impatient, not such a submissive.
Later, after she realized it, she became cold and proposed to separate, but of course he did not hold back.
Sometimes, we always wonder if it would be a pity to miss out on good people. People who can make you lose yourself are never the right person.
The best state for two people to be together is to allow the person they like to face themselves comfortably, and to accept each other calmly.
There will be no embarrassment, frustration and slap in the face, there will be one more person to share with, not one more exhausting relationship.
So the request to yourself is, never lose yourself because of anyone.
3. There is no need to pursue perfection.
Bai Yansong once said that the best way to destroy a person is to let him pursue perfection and achieve the ultimate.
"This world is not like this. Flowers are the best when they are not fully open. Once the flowers are fully open, they are very close to falling. That's what good love is like, being honest with each other without demanding a perfect relationship.
I am willing to tell you all my past, and you are willing to accept me as I am.
Maybe we are not perfect ourselves, but together we can be a better version of ourselves for each other. "
Many times in this world, things backfire. If you accept their imperfections, you can face them with a positive attitude.
The people and things you are going through are actually just a result of past behavior.
Just like Zhang Jiajia said : "Everyone is a semi-circle, in this vast world, there will eventually be another semi-circle that fits perfectly with you, just enough to spell a perfect circle. "
We have no reason to blame each other, let alone ourselves.
There is a vast sea of people, and it takes not only luck, but also courage to accept, to meet someone you like and are comfortable with.
4. Can make up for the other's lack Demands
Both men and women have their own inherent needs, which may be what they lack.
This makes boys instinctively choose their partners according to their needs.
At the same time, such needs are long-term needs, not short-term passion needs .
For example, people who follow the rules and are serious will always be attracted by people who are unruly, like Qu Xiaoxiao and Dr. Zhao.
is like a boy whose native family is not harmonious, and he is often attracted by girls who bring him a sense of warm family and happiness.
means that you have the qualities that he does not have, and that he really wants to have. This is the question that needs to be thought clearly.
In fact, on the other hand, people love themselves the most, which is just human nature.
can make each other feel that their life with themselves can be better, and each other can open new doors.
So, give yourself what you can, rather than give him what he wants.
5. Have advanced three views
There is a saying: the advanced three views are, I study hard and work hard, so that one day, I will stand by the person I love, whether he is rich or nothing.
can embrace him with open arms, he is rich, I don't need to feel high, he is poor, our life will not be down.
Two imperfect people go for the perfect process.
For example, at the end of "Ode to Joy", Qu Xiaoxiao and Dr. Zhao got back together, and the two really have three views that fit together.
no longer force others to change for themselves, nor force themselves into the world of others.
They respect each other and communicate on an equal footing. They are always attracted by each other's bright spots, and they have gained sweet and beautiful love instead.
So if a person always makes you feel inferior and cheap, let it go early.
Because in relationships, there is never a rule about who is lower than who.
If two people truly love each other, they will surely warm each other and illuminate themselves in an equal relationship.
END
Author | Mu Chu is a media copywriter and planner. He has specialized in applied psychology, focused on writing, and is keen on studying psychoanalysis and emotional psychology. The motto: Whatever you learn, you will become a character. Listen to and record every soul story around you.
