What is an affair?
An extramarital affair is a struggle between two people who have lost their morals.
In an extramarital affair, a man who has lost his responsibilities to his family and a woman with no moral bottom line are called together because of love. In fact, one is trampling on the bottom line of morality and the other is destroying other people's families.
Since I have been engaged in the emotional industry, I have found that many people are troubled by extramarital affairs, and the root is the word "love". As the name suggests, a man has a relationship with a woman outside, and he is in a dilemma between his family and his relationship with the outside world.
But can extramarital affairs really work out?
I believe everyone has heard the saying: There is no wall that is impermeable to the wind.
A man puts all his energy into extramarital affairs, and is destined to neglect his partner in marriage. After a long time, the derailment will be discovered by the original spouse. In the best case, quarrels or fights are inevitable; If it's bad, divorce, property division, and leaving home are also true.
Therefore, extramarital affairs, whether for the family or for oneself, are all harmless.
Let me tell you about a recent case, a woman who was crying and brought rain to me, but after listening to her talk, I decisively refused.
The reason is that she is a junior and has been with a man for three years. In the end, the man chose the original partner. She felt unwilling. .
Because I didn't take over the case, the materials were limited. In short, the man chose to return to the family.If the man's original wife chooses to forgive, and the man chooses to separate the mistress and return to the family, this result is quite satisfactory. After all, if the shoes fit on his feet, only he knows.
However, some men may not be so lucky.
Consultant Mr. Wu, 38 years old, had an extramarital affair for 2 years.
Mr. Wu is miserable, why do I say he is miserable? Because of the constant entanglement of the mistress, the wife holds a lot of evidence of her derailment. Once divorced, he will leave the house and even lose the custody of the child.
He told me: "Teacher, I once fell in love with another woman because I was confused for a while, and the woman promised that as long as I loved her, it would be fine. Who would have thought that she would demand more and more, not only forcing me to divorce, but also for all kinds of troubles. I had no choice, I chose to break up and return to the family, but she came to the door and showed all our photos and transfers to my wife, now my wife has a lot of evidence of my cheating, she wants a divorce, and let me go out of the house." .
may be happy for a while, but the hidden dangers left behind are beyond their ability to bear. And Mr. Wu is a typical example, thinking that he met a woman who loves him outside of marriage and has no desires, but the truth is "bringing wolves into the house".
Consultant Mr. Zhao, 42 years old, had an extramarital affair for 4 years.
Mr. Zhao has been with his lover for 4 years. He told me that his relationship with his wife was not good, which caused him to have many negative emotions that he could not resolve. However, the appearance of his lover seemed to be a life-saving straw in his life.
But over time, problems in marriage also appeared in extramarital affairs, Mr. Zhao said: "Teacher, I was wrong, I thought that if I was unhappy in marriage, extramarital affairs would make me happy, but I found that problems in marriage can also arise outside of marriage."
After a detailed discussion, I realized that it turns out that Mr. Zhao and his lover always quarrel over trivial matters, and his wife may be more nagging and fussy, so Mr. Zhao can't stand it. At this time, the lover appeared, and the lover's kind understanding Humanity attracted him, so he started an extramarital affair that lasted for 4 years.
But during these 4 years, he also quarreled with his lover, even more intensely than with his wife, and the lover's most common words were: "I don't want a name. I am with you, and you still treat me like this. "This sentence became a big stone in Mr. Zhao's heart. He felt that the extramarital affairs made him more and more stressed, so he proposed to break up with his lover.
But the lover was unrelenting. In the end, the trouble came to Mr. Zhao's company, and the last troubled wife also I got it, so my wife filed for divorce. No matter how much Mr. Zhao begged, his wife would not forgive him, and the lover here, seeing that things were not good, blocked Mr. Zhao and deleted it, patted his ass and left.
From these two In this case, it is not difficult to see that the extramarital affairs really have no good results. The lover may be able to withdraw in time, but the man has to bear a lot of unbearable consequences.
The extramarital affairs may look beautiful, but it is poisonous to eat. A lover may not be good by sight.
An extramarital affair is a trap of a snake and scorpion. Once you jump into it, the one who will hurt the most is your first wife, yourself, and the lover, who only bears the responsibility of moral condemnation.
1, "I do everything. No, as long as I can be by your side".
No matter how good a lover is, she is also a woman, she is not a saint, but as long as she is a woman, she cares about her youth. As an emotional counselor, I have seen too many long-term love, But the only thing I haven't seen, which mistress has a long-lasting love for a man.
Because the mistress's love is always a bargaining chip, just imagine, why did she choose you? instead of choosing someone else? Because you have the chips she wants on you. For example, money, status, rights, and other interests that can be linked to her.
She knows very well what you want and what you can give. She knows that if she reaches out for it, you may quickly see through her purpose and leave, so she uses your weakness to win what she wants. everything you want.
And the phrase "I don't want anything, as long as I can be by your side", is equivalent to putting a man down. Simply put, the weakness of a man is the desire to protect, so she can only touch you by showing compromise. The protection of desire .
She will do everything possible to break down your loyalty to your marriage and the stability of your family, until one day, she will tell you that if you don't get a divorce, I will force you to leave.
2, "You can rest assured, I will always understand you."
Maybe in marriage, you are not understood by your original partner, and your needs are not met. People understand the feeling, but this kind of satisfaction requires a huge price, and this price is that you will find that the problems you encounter in marriage still exist outside of marriage, and you feel it on your first wife. It can still be felt in a lover.
Like the case I mentioned earlier, the man thought that he found a caring partner in an extramarital affair, but as time goes by and the two have been together for a long time, those trivial things will still exist. For men, it means to experience the unhappiness in marriage all over again.
I often say that men should not think about doing different things with different people of the opposite sex, but do different things with one person. What I mean by this is that I hope that everyone can view marriage in a correct way, and treat marriage in a correct way. Responsible, the other is that after a long time, there will still be problems in extramarital affairs. You will find that it is very similar to the marriage.
And when many men tell their lover about the conflicts in marriage, the lover will always say: "Don't worry, I will always understand you". Remember, no one can always understand anyone, because everyone is supported by needs and interests, especially for Xiaosan. Once her needs and interests change, she will be that aggressive and unrelenting woman, so why? Talk about understanding forever?
And at that time, you will be in a dilemma, one side is the entanglement of the mistress, and the other side is the scarred wife who is going to divorce. You will find that it turns out that Xiaosan is only for profit, coming for profit, and leaving because of profit. Only his wife is the one who only wants you.
3, "Don't think too much, I do all this willingly."
This is a common method used by Xiaosan. The sentence "Don't go too far, I do all this willingly." moral high ground.
On the surface, it seems that I have no desires and no desires, and I only want you to be a person. In fact, I am showing you that you cannot live up to the youth you have given. In short, it is simply and rudely putting pressure on you. , tell you, you can't abandon me, I have paid a lot for you, if you are sorry for me, you are a sinner.
When faced with this situation, some men will be very tangled. On the one hand, it is for their wife who is the housekeeper, and on the other hand, it is for their lover who has been hiding for many years. No matter who you choose, it may end up in one shot.
Just imagine, your wife will not forgive your betrayal. As a junior, there is no moral bottom line. Do you really expect her to be with you for the rest of your life? Maybe, after a while with you, I turned around and threw myself into someone else's arms.
is like a friend of mine. In an extramarital affair, he chose the mistress with the heart that he was getting old with the mistress. However, in the two years of marriage, not only was the relationship broken, but the mistress also cheated on others again in the end.
For men, this is a bloody lesson. Not only did they lose their originally happy family, but they were also attacked by a small army of three rebels.
I'll stress it again, extramarital affairs don't have good results, don't fantasize that a mistress can give you eternal happiness, because a woman who loses her moral bottom line and destroys other people's families can't give you happiness, and as long as you live, there will be friction And the contradiction, you can't guarantee that the mistress will do better than the original, right? In the end, it is very likely that the sesame seeds and the watermelon are lost.
1. Adjust your cognition and sincerely apologize on the premise of respecting the other party. In fact, men who cheat on the , As time went on, the contradictions became more and more, and finally the life became a piece of chicken feathers.
Therefore, you have to adjust your cognition first, and understand that there may be conflicts with whomever you are with, and everyone's marriage cannot be smooth sailing. I have seen many loving couples who also have Contradictions, contradictions and problems arise, the first thing you should think about is to solve the problem and resolve the contradiction, rather than choose another person.
Then, with a sincere attitude, he played an emotional card with his wife: "I know it's my fault for cheating, I hurt you and ruined the marriage relationship, I lost your trust and your love, but I really want to make amends, I know I'm wrong and I'm willing to change it, even if you don't believe me now, but you can watch my actions and observe me for a while."
then soothed the other party's emotions: "I know, this It makes you very painful and sad, maybe you think why this happened to you, you have done a lot for marriage for so many years, but I treat you like this, you are wronged, you can vent with me, don't Hold yourself back, okay? If you are willing to give me a chance, I will do it well, if you want to divorce, I respect your choice, who made me hurt you?"
As long as your attitude is sincere, I believe She will be willing to give you another chance, whether it is out of love or marriage, but there will be an inspection period to observe whether you have changed, so in this process, in addition to changing yourself, you must Pay more attention to the emotional changes of the other party, and comfort and comfort in time.
2. Solve the mistress and resolve the conflict with the wife.
In fact, every wife, when confronted with her cheating husband and wants to go home, the first reaction is: "What should you do with the mistress?" Therefore, you must also resolve the relationship with the mistress, and don't let the mistress continue to become The makers of destroying your marriage.
Since you already have a heart of remorse, then you must completely cut off the relationship with the mistress. If she pesters you again, you might as well tell your wife, let her unite with you, fight against the destruction of the mistress, and promise her, You are with her now, and I just hope to solve the mistress quickly and live a good life with you.
Here, I suggest you talk to your wife honestly, for example, tell each other frankly why you cheated.
Because this is the initiator of your marriage relationship, you need to reflect on yourself, what are you dissatisfied with your current marriage, what is wrong with the other party, what you find difficult to accept, etc., and deeply analyze why you cheated.
Then you can say this to your wife: "It's my fault for cheating, and I'm willing to admit it, but during this time, I also want to understand, maybe I'm not very satisfied with the current marriage relationship, so I'm cheating , I won't make myself wrong again, so I really want to solve the problem with you, can we adjust each other, even if it is for the future marriage, okay?" Trust relationship, I will not go into details here. If you have any questions in this regard, you can read more of the previous articles, or consult me privately.
Having been emotional for so long, I always think that whether it is a man who cheats or a woman who finds out that he has been cheated, as long as he wants to continue the marriage relationship, then the fundamental problem of cheating or cheating must be solved. Only by solving the fundamental problem, two people The estrangement will disappear. In this process, we must find each other’s needs, find the inappropriate places in the marriage, and actively correct them. Only by making efforts to change in the same direction can the marriage be saved.
As a cheating man, you must not only solve the fundamental problem, but also mobilize your wife's emotions, and convince her that you really know what's wrong, you can really change it, and you are really willing to do it for your future marriage. out adjustment.
Finally, I would like to say to the majority of fellow men, don’t do things that hurt your marriage, family and your partner because you are confused for a while, because if something is broken, it can be repaired, but if the heart is hurt, it is really difficult to repair, don’t let one The woman who entrusted her life to you in the first place left in disappointment and pain.
Psychological test: test what your ex wants to say to you the most
1. Do you quarrel over trivial matters when you are together?
Yes, often tired — 2
Rarely argue over small things — 2
Occasionally, but reconciles quickly — 3
2. Do you think you are someone who likes self-reflection and is willing to correct mistakes?
is -3
is not -4
3. Will TA take the initiative to tell you its troubles?
often say -5
not to say -4
4. Would you tell your parents about the process of your love life?
I often complain about my parents —6
Occasionally they say something when they ask —5
I hardly say anything, nothing to say —5
5. How much energy are you willing to spend to get what you want?
Everything happens, it’s mine and it’s mine after all—7
I try my best, maybe I can succeed—6
I try my best to get everything I want—B
6. Did you break up because of a third party?
Yes—A
No—7
7. Has the other party contacted you after the breakup?
Yes—D
No—C
The full version of the test questions and answers can be obtained by private message
I am Yuchen, an emotional consultant, I know more than you think. If you have emotional confusion, you can send a private message or comment for consultation.
