In June 1999, after our wedding, we went to Dalian to visit our uncle!
I have heard of a bridge segment. Some people want to test the relationship between marriage and money. Ask everyone in the crowd how many people will give up their marriage if there are 100,000. Many people raised their hands; when the price was increased to one million, more people raised their hands; when the price was increased to tens of millions, the audience boiled and everyone raised their hands. It's a pity that I was not there. If I were there, I would be the only one who didn't raise my hand. Not to mention tens of millions, even tens of billions can't make me abandon my lover and marriage. The reason is simple, the lover is another self. Giving up a lover is like killing one's own life. Even if everyone loves money, no one is willing to exchange life for money.
1. There has never been a rigid standard for love and mate selection. All inappropriateness is an excuse, all excuses are excuses.
Before getting acquainted with my love, I set four standards for my future spouse.
First, the home cannot be foreign.
Second, cannot be a college student.
Third, you can't be too handsome.
Fourth, I don't want to find wage earners. It is best to have rich social experience and we do business together.
The first criterion is because my home is in the city. If your spouse’s home is in a foreign country, you need to ask your natal family to help you after you get married. This is psychologically unacceptable for me, who intends to leave the protection of my natal family wings after getting married.
The second criterion is because my perception at the time was that all college students had good eyes and low hands. Most are satisfied with working to make money, and few start their own businesses.
The third criterion is because my father is handsome enough, but his personality is very weak. At the time, my perception was that handsome men lacked masculinity, although I was full of color control.
The fourth criterion is because I was employed everywhere and unemployed continuously. I am tired of working for others. I just think about being a boss. Suffering from no funds and no experience. If someone can take me to start a business together. How good it should be!
four standards,All lovers do not meet. My lover’s hometown and ours are across provinces; my lover is not only a college student, but also graduated from 985 schools; my lover is very handsome; my lover has always been a part-time worker since he got married.
The standards for choosing a spouse in the world are never set in stone. Perhaps one day, there is a person who completely rewrites your mate selection criteria. Then, you reset the spouse standard according to his standard.
2. The first encounter, ten thousand years at a glance!
My wife and I were introduced to each other by my fourth brother-in-law. At first glance, I felt that this person was so familiar. It seemed that I had met him somewhere, and there was a sense of intimacy inexplicably.
For Yan Kong, he is handsome, but he does not lack the masculinity of a man. He is my favorite kind of angular appearance.
But, this one is too short, right? It looks about the same height as me.
The first impression of my lover of me was that I was so tall. He looked up and down and looked left and right, but he couldn't see where I was ugly. Why did you turn your head? In their hometown, there is a custom that girls can only take heads after they get married.
The fourth brother-in-law was playing tricks with her lover. He told his lover that my sister-in-law is unstable at work, but she is more knowledgeable and must have more social experience than you. The fly in the ointment is that she looks ugly and ugly.
A ugly bluff to bluff the lover. His psychological activity is, how can you introduce it to me? However, the friendship between us, I have to look at what you introduced. His inner activities were easily seen through by the fourth brother-in-law, who secretly laughed in his heart.
Fortunately, the fourth brother-in-law didn't tell me that it was a blind date, so he taught me to use a computer to type as a fig leaf. Once the blind date is successful, the marriage can be achieved in the future; if the blind date fails, it will not be too embarrassing to be an ordinary friend. For this reason, we set the first time to meet him after get off work, and the place is also set in their unit.
My lover teaches sincerely, and I study hard. In the process of teaching and learning, the relationship between us has progressed by leaps and bounds.
3. That year lunar calendar eleven is the watershed of our contacts,The pathetic appearance of him burning paper for my mother touched me.
We met on October 19, 1998, one month later it coincided with the lunar calendar , the first day of October . During the interaction, he chatted and talked about his mother's passing. He also said that he forgot to burn paper for his mother on the fifteenth day of the seventh lunar calendar, and felt very guilty. I told him that Ghost Festival is more than just on the 15th of July in the lunar calendar. It can also burn paper for deceased relatives on the first day of the tenth lunar month.
That day, I accompanied him to buy burnt paper. Looking at him from a distance, I felt distressed. Sure enough, a motherless child is like a grass.
I talked to my mother about his situation, and my mother's eyes turned red when she listened. My mother lost her mother at the age of 21, and felt sorry for the same illness. My mother told me that this is also a poor child. You tell him, if you don’t hate it, you can live in our house!
After we got married, my mom and I were joking about whether it was the son-in-law of my mom. The treatment was different, so I entered our household registration in advance.
4. The marriage check makes my lover proud of me!
In the era of our marriage, although the pre-marital examination is a mandatory fee, the fee is reasonable. The doctor in charge of giving me the marital examination told my lover. This is a girl who keeps herself safe, so cherish it.
At that time, people were simple-minded and far less open-minded than they are now, and premarital sex was despised. The premarital examination doctors do not say anything about the men and women who have not controlled the bottom line, and they are extremely despised from the bottom of their hearts.
Meet traditional and conservative young men and women like me and my lover. She likes it from the bottom of her heart. Uncharacteristically exhort his lover.
The main purpose of this premarital examination, for married men and women, is to screen whether both parties have diseases that are not suitable for marriage. Of course, it also includes whether both men and women have sexual abilities.
My lover later told me that one part of a man's premarital examination is to test whether he can get a normal erection. Effectively avoid men's emotional discord due to sexual reasons.
In my mind, premarital examination is very useful, practical and necessary. When the premarital examination changed from a required item to an optional item in keeping with the times, many people cancelled the premarital examination for no reason.This is an irresponsible performance to both parties.
5. The three chapters of the pre-marriage contract let us set the bottom line for marriage.
My spouse and I have the same cognitive standards for marriage. In our minds, marriage is a major event in a lifetime, and necessary rules need to be established in advance. To this end, we have three chapters.
First, never quarrel about money.
Husband and wife are intimate in body and mind, and other aspects should naturally not be separated from each other. Making money is the common goal of a family's development, not a caretaker within the family members. Concentration of money is more conducive to the necessary financial planning of the family. Let the family cohesion and centripetal force between husband and wife.
Second, solve the problem by yourself when arguing, and never disturb each other's native family members just because we quarrel.
Our husband and wife are both from the original family of the problem. When summarizing the causes of problematic families, we know that every family has hard-to-read scriptures, and the problems between husband and wife can only be solved by the husband and wife themselves. Don't do to others what you don't want, and don't disturb other people's family peace for no reason. After marriage, the husband and wife are one body, sharing prosperity and humiliation. Disturbing others for no reason is not only an obstacle to others, but also makes people look down upon.
Third, don't easily say the word divorce.
The word divorce is too hurtful. If there is no question of principle, don't just talk about divorce at every turn. "The wolf is coming" shouting too much will cause bad consequences.
Since we got married on June 5, 1999, we have gone through more than 20 years of ups and downs together. The three chapters of the covenant allow us to have chapters to follow and evidence to check. Let us also set the bottom line for each other's marriage.
6. After getting married, we are getting closer and closer as we continue to break in!
Every couple has to go through the necessary break-in at the beginning of their marriage. During the running-in period, both parties consciously or unconsciously competed for the right to speak, and some couples even refused to give way to the tips of the needles.
Two people from different native families have different life characteristics, work and rest time, eating habits and many other aspects. It is necessary for both spouses to seek common ground while reserving differences.
1. Every time the lover comes home, he is used to turning on the TV and the computer so that there is always sound at home. My habit is just the opposite,Because I grew up in a noisy environment, I especially like to keep quiet at home. It's best to be quiet enough that the needle can be heard when the needle falls on the ground.
After we got married, a lot of conflicts revolved around quiet and loud noises. He likes to do two things at once, watching TV and playing games. I like to be single-minded. Either watch TV or play games, choose between the two.
2. I have an outgoing personality, I'm born to talk a lot, and I like to communicate. When encountering difficulties, I like to relieve stress by venting emotions. He is introverted, talkative by nature, and likes to be silent. When encountering difficulties, I like to relieve stress through self-digestion.
After getting married, I have been a housewife for nine years. In addition to busy with housework, I hope my lover will come home from get off work early to accompany me.
At that time, the burden on the shoulders of the lover was very heavy. Especially after having children, all the pressures in life are carried by him alone.
And I, limited by my vision, didn't know how to share for him. Instead, I quarreled with him over trivial matters.
After we got married, we also experienced divorce storms. We not only resolved conflicts in time, but also allowed each other's feelings to be sublimated amidst the clamor. The secret is to be grateful, considerate, tolerant, and understand empathy.
7. A good marriage is mutual achievement. After I got married, my lover taught me to grow continuously. He himself is getting better and better on the road of career development.
In 2008, when I was thirty-four years old, with the encouragement and support of my lover, I took the Dandong City first public recruitment examination for public institutions. Successfully passed the establishment of public institutions.
When I successfully entered the system, my lover let out a sigh of relief: "Your pension and medical problems have been solved. I can breathe a sigh of relief."
At that time, I felt like crying. For nine years, the lover has been silently bearing the burden of supporting the family. How tired and exhausted his body and mind should be!
In the summer of 2017, my lover suggested that I take the teacher qualification certificate to keep my spare time busy. Don't be empty and bored just because he is not by my side. With his encouragement, I successfully obtained the junior high school math teacher qualification certificate in 2018.
At the end of 2018, getting the teacher qualification certificate did not make my spare time busy. I hope that independent enrollment will be difficult. My daughter's junior high school mathematics was taught by me, and I let her grow from a mathematics scumbag to a mathematics master. My teaching ability and level are like lice on bald head. However, no one believes in my true level, and everyone is unwilling to be a "guinea pig" to give me a chance to practice.
In extreme depression, my lover suggested that I try from the media. With the encouragement and support of my lover, I regained my literary hobby that had been abandoned for ten years.
My wife and I were just ordinary employees when they got married, and their income was low. After getting married, with my encouragement and support, his position has been promoted, and his income has also increased significantly. He often proudly said to me that I have the physique of Vanves, which can make his career and income rise step by step.
8. A lover who has lost his parents is as pitiful as an orphan. Without parents as backing, I am his greatest support in life!
In February 1990, my mother-in-law passed away due to a sudden fire. In September 2001, the father-in-law passed away shortly after his 60th birthday. The lover lost his father again after eleven years of bereavement. He completely became a poor baby with no father and no mother.
In June 1999, we did not have a honeymoon trip after our wedding, but first went to Dalian to visit our uncle. After that, they went back to their lover's hometown and gave the mother-in-law to the grave.
At the tombstone of his mother-in-law, he hugged me tightly and told me that he would love me forever. His lover is a bad-spoken man in science and engineering. He makes no promises easily. A promise is a lifetime. I also secretly swear in my heart that I will only love him in this life, life will not end, and marriage will not end.
At the same time when I went to the grave for my mother-in-law, I also saw the seriously ill father-in-law. My parents-in-law are the same age as my parents. My parents are in good health. At the time, I couldn't understand the aunt 's father-in-law who was about to die soon. I always feel that my father-in-law is too young, and my aunts are exaggerating. Nevertheless, one month before the death of my father-in-law in 2001, my wife and I returned to our hometown to visit the father-in-law at the strong request of my sisters.
Back then, our family was difficult and we couldn't afford to walk around. One toss is enough to hurt the family. When I didn't go to my lover's hometown, I complained to my aunts repeatedly for urging.When I returned to my hometown, I thanked my aunts for their urging from the bottom of my heart.
Seeing my father-in-law lying on the bed, my tears fell unconsciously. The lover and the father-in-law look too alike. My father-in-law and I are not related because he is the closest relative of his lover, and he is my closest relative.
The lover saw me crying unconsciously, hugged me again, and kept talking about me as a good wife.
Married in 1999, the father-in-law was seriously ill, and there was no bride price. After we were newly married, we went back to visit our father-in-law and left a sum of money. Before the father-in-law passed away in 2001, our family of three went back to visit and left a sum of money again.
For wealthy people, what the money is not good for. For us who were poor households back then, the money was our living expenses for two months of frugality.
Thank you very much for your filial piety for us. In the last years of his father-in-law, he had incontinence. The second sister has always been waiting by her side. Such things should be done by us if conditions permit. In Chinese tradition, sons and daughters-in-law provide for the elderly. A family without a son is another matter.
My lover graduated from college that year, and there is no place for him in his hometown, so he can only develop in a foreign land. Back then, our family's economic conditions were too poor to be able to take the father-in-law over to wait.
This is not only the biggest regret in my lover's life, but also the biggest regret in my heart.
Losing his parents, his lover is as pitiful as an orphan. My lover is not loved by my parents, so I can rely on my lover and give him the love of his life.
9. Marrying first and then falling in love make our marriage relationship more and more intimate. Comparing heart to heart, a lover who has no father or mother truly treats his parents-in-law as his own parents and filial piety!
Before I got married, I was moved by the pitiful way my lover burned paper for my mother-in-law. When my mom and I mentioned it, my mom and dad let his lover eat and live in my house. My lover takes the car to our house after get off work every day. The four of us eat and play together. At that time, under the strict precautions of my parents, my lover and I had no room for ourselves. It was not like falling in love at all, but more like a family waiting.
After getting married, we have our own separate living space, but on the contrary, we have the feeling of being in love. We have always thought that we were married first and then fell in love. This feeling is really amazing.
The lover has no parents,With the same surname as me, my parents have always treated their lovers as sons. My mother yelled at each old son. His lover's parents have both passed away, and he really regards his in-laws as his parents from the bottom of his heart. To my parents, for many times, my lover is really filial than me.
When the conditions of our family improved, the lover asked my parents to sell the old step ladder room, buy a new elevator room, renovate it well, and prepare for the elderly. With the financial support of his lover, my parents had the best house of their lives in their later years, fulfilling my mother's dream for many years.
When my mother insisted on occupying the new house by herself, the lover asked her father to take care of her in my house. Every time the lover returns home, he will help my parents solve practical problems.
My mother mentioned to me in a small chat, your mother-in-law is really blessed to have such a good son. There are too few such good men in society now. I told my mother directly, where is your mother-in-law blessed, and I haven't enjoyed the filial piety of my son and daughter-in-law for a day. The mother-in-law has raised a good son, so you can benefit from it. After listening to what I said, my mother, who has always been irrational, broke her mouth and smiled triumphantly.
10. There is a kind of marriage that is destined to last forever! Don't envy others fairy tale -like marriage, manage it with your heart, and your marriage can also be happier!
No dowry, no dowry. With the sincere blessings of my parents, my lover and I have been in debt since we got married. He has a house, a car, a deposit, and a daughter. Although he is not very rich, he is self-sufficient.
Husband and wife are concentric and profitable. The essence of marriage is that two imperfect people learn from each other and combine to form a perfect conjoined person. Male is yang and female is yin, male is heaven and female is earth. Depend on each other and support each other. They become each other's bones and flesh and flesh, and they will never be separated from life to life.
There has never been a fixed marriage and love standard, there is always such a person who will give you a glimpse of ten thousand years and let you rewrite the marriage and love standard because of him.
If everything is planned, it will be set aside. The three chapters of the pre-marital contract allow us to clarify the bottom line of marriage.
Premarital preservation is responsible for one's own marriage and life. People who are casual before marriage have a high probability of being casual after marriage. In the casual pre-marriage and post-marriage, many marriages are difficult to end well.
Marital examination is the threshold.It is recommended to resume compulsory pre-marital inspections to check on behalf of the couple. Not only check the body, but also check the character.
Love the house and the black, and compare your heart to your heart. The relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, father-in-law, sister-in-law, sister-in-law and sister-in-law, the relationship between husband and wife and all relatives in their native families will be warm and harmonious.
There is never an overnight marriage, so you don't have to pay for peace and enjoyment in return. A good marriage is all about mutual achievement and tolerance. The marriage between the two parties gradually stabilized during the stumbling and running-in. As long as both sides pass the character, think in one place and act in one place. Marriage is destined to cross the better, and the days are destined to blossom sesame seeds steadily.
In marriage, character is the key. Without character, everything is forbidden. Open your eyes before marriage and there are thousands of choices. Only after marriage can you open your eyes and close your eyes to catch the big ones.
Money is not everything. In marriage, couples with no money can still work together to create wealth, and starting from scratch can make the relationship between husband and wife more and more bloody. After all, love and marriage are the supreme enjoyment in the spiritual realm, and should not be easily confused with wealth in the material realm. What kind of dowry is no better than the grand family scene created by the joint efforts of the husband and wife.
The wealth of the native family cannot replace the choice of a spouse. Being rich in the native family does not mean that the spouse will definitely have a future. The most important thing in marriage is to choose people, not family.
Don't envy other people's fairy tale marriages, manage them carefully, and you can also have a happy marriage. Take marriage seriously, marriage must give you lifelong support.
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