Wen\Adu, Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
After getting married, friends are easy to make, and intimates are hard to find. If you meet confidants of the opposite sex, you should cherish each other more.
A confidant of the opposite sex can give you emotional care and resolve your difficult knots, which may be difficult for your lover to do.
However, in the communication between friends of the opposite sex, we must keep the bottom line, keep a good sense, and cannot deliberately blur the boundaries, especially when people are middle-aged, they cannot speak and do things too broadly, otherwise things will easily happen.
The opposite sex confidant, no matter how good the relationship is, can’t chat like this, otherwise, sooner or later they will “deviate”
01. There is no bottom line in chatting
In 2017, the United States conducted a "Report on Cheating in the Information Age", which revealed that 59% of women and 42% of men believe that they are ambiguous with other sexes. Information is considered cheating; 70% of women and 55% of men believe that long-term online dating and chatting are cheating.
The two sets of data show that the proportion of men who like to sultry online is much higher than that of women, but most men and women agree that sultry is equivalent to cheating.
Chatting inevitably involves sexual topics, and this topic should be private and exclusive between lovers.
Talking about ambiguous topics, telling meaty jokes, and having super-friendship conversations are not behaviors that a healthy confidant of the opposite sex should have.
Let's take a look at the chat records of a couple of men and women below:
In the above chat screenshot, the man is going to teach the students, and the woman is asking the man to go to a physiological hygiene class and have to listen , The man implied that the physiology instruction and physiology experiment were carried out...
chat like this, if two people are not intimate, he will die.
and this is indeed the case. The two in the chat log are colleagues from a teacher’s college in Taiyuan. The woman has been married for many years and has been in love with this colleague for a long time. The woman’s husband found it unbearable after discovering that the two of them had an unintelligible chat history.Expose it. Because the chat between the two is too explicit, I won't post it here, and interested friends can make popular science by themselves.
In this way, the harm of sultry is no less than physical derailment. A good marriage is often ruined by the foul language of you and your confidant.
02. The emotional sharing of super friendship
Sanmao said in "How Many Flowers and Falling in Dreams":
"Love is like the Zen of Buddhism-can't be said, can't be said, just say it It’s wrong.”
This sentence is also suitable for confidantes of the opposite sex. There are some things that can’t be said between confidantes of the opposite sex. If you say it, you’re wrong.
The following topics should not be touched by the opposite sex confidant.
The first topic is fate.
Being able to become a confidant is a kind of fate, but you can never say that you and a confidant are "fate and no share".
If one day your confidant tells you that you two have no relationship with you, and unfortunately missed such a topic with you, it means that he is not satisfied with the current relationship and wants to be a "destined person" with you. .
The second topic is the private life of a confidant couple.
There are some things that can only be said by couples, and some things can only be the little secrets of couples.
When your confidant wants to spy on the emotional state of you and your lover or even your sex life, you must be alert. Is his motivation impure? Does he think he should do better than your spouse? Is he already planning to replace your lover?
Any topic is motivated. If there is no such motivation, why does he bring up topics that only lovers can have?
Therefore, the communication between confidants of the opposite sex should not be easily involved in the emotional and private areas of men and women. Once involved, it will go beyond the boundaries that a confidant should have.
03. Intervene in each other’s life 24/7
Hubei Satellite TV’s emotional program "face-to-face mediation" has an issue like this:
There was a wife charging her husband’s cell phone.I accidentally discovered that he was texting other women, "Do you really miss me?" The two of them sent this content almost every night, and kept talking until late at night.
Faced with his wife’s questioning, the man gave a strange rhetoric: “She is liked by other men, is it guilty? If it is you, do you want more men to like you and care about you?”
Please, Others should be cared for and liked, but they are not your turn. You should love your wife! She is liked not guilty, but if you are a married old man who likes her, then you are guilty! You are derailed in marriage! What is even more disgusting is that men are shameless themselves, and they think that their wives should be as shameless as themselves, and that more people should like and care about them!
such a weird logic, seemingly impeccable, in fact it is vulnerable! Because it deviates from the most basic common sense, that is, since you have married, you must stick to each other. No amount of reason can be an excuse for betrayal.
There are differences between men and women. If you stay together all day long, text messages and greetings are constant, you will inevitably have a long-term relationship and it will be difficult to control it.
If you have to say "good morning", "noon", and "good night" to each other every day, these words may be plain, but the all-weather coverage of your plain greetings will gradually become indispensable in the life of the other person Part. Slowly make the other person feel that she can't do without you, let her have an illusion about you, and then think like the weird man in "Regulation Face to Face": "Do you really miss me?"
Participating more in each other's life is also a kind of respect for the confidant.
04. Mei Niang said
The opposite sex confidant, beyond friends, only lovers.
Communication between friends of the opposite sex is like driving a car. You are the driver and your confidant is the passenger. The driver concentrates on driving, and the passengers do not interfere, so as to be stable and stable. And no matter how troubled by the passengers, the steering wheel must always be in your hands.
There is a balance point that is difficult to grasp between friends and lovers. The control of this balance point is consciously, and you must have a clear positioning of your relationship.The relationship between the two should not be based on the destruction of the existing marriage; secondly, rely on self-discipline, unable to be in love, and have the ability to control themselves; thirdly, rely on introspection, once the relationship with the opposite sex is found to deviate After the track, he can repent in time, correct in time, and return to his family.
Finally, Mei Niang wants to say to those people who have already made waves when getting along with her confidant:
A confidant is like tea, which needs products; intercourse is like water, but needs to be light.
The confidant of the opposite sex understands that you appreciate you, but it can only be your emotional station, not your warm harbor. Your harbor is your family, and there is the place that can really shelter you from wind and rain.
So for the confidants of the opposite sex, we can give each other emotional comfort in the right space, but we can't cause emotional distress to each other.
So if you don't have such a confidant, please don't develop. If you do, then you must control the boundaries. Don't bring psychological pressure to each other, let alone cause actual harm in real life.
picture comes from the Internet, if infringement, please contact to delete.
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I am Mei Niang, you have a story and I have wine, let’s talk about life together, click on the above to follow, and welcome to my world.
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