Text: Zheng Shaoyuan May my words warm you~
-01-
The famous Festinger's Law says this:
10% of life is made up of things that happen to you , And the other 90% is determined by how you react to what happened.
This is how I understand it: only one-tenth of the things in life cannot be changed, and the remaining nine-tenths can be changed with your own efforts.
And those 10% that cannot be changed, such as your original family, personal conditions, chance and luck, etc., these are all you cannot change, you can only accept the arrangements of fate.
But after all, this 10% accounted for a very small proportion. The fate of a person in the future is determined by the 90% you can change.
And I think this sentence also applies to marriage. Those who have a happy marriage are probably not from a good background, but they can accurately respond to what happened. This is how the marriage will be happy bit by bit.
I found that many women put the happiness of marriage or their own happiness in the hands of men. If you find a good man, then marriage can be happy, and women themselves will be happy; but if they find an irresponsible man , It is easy to make marriage painful.
So many women have this question: What kind of man can make themselves happy?
-02-
But after understanding Festinger's Law, I believe that most people will change their minds. After all, only you can decide your own life. If you put all your hopes on others, how can you truly control your own happiness?
Unfortunately, few women can understand this truth. Most women want to find a good man, thinking that marriage will be happy.
Reader Liu Lu is such a woman. She once thought that if you want a happy marriage, you must marry love and marry a man you like. If you face a man you don’t like, how can you talk about happiness in marriage?
In fact, her thoughts are not wrong,There is also a trace of truth. But is marriage so simple and easy to be happy? How many women who marry in love find out that love does not determine the happiness of marriage after they get married.
For marriage, women still have to be more cautious, not to give their future happiness into the hands of a man, but to truly control their own happiness.
Liu Lu had a failed marriage. This marriage taught her a lot and hurt her deeply. So she never had the courage to remarry after the divorce.
-03-
Liu Lu's marriage lasted more than three years, and her ex-husband was also her first love. The two began to fall in love when they were in college, and the relationship is very deep.
Liu Lu's ex-husband's name is Yu Bin. During his time in university, Yu Bin can be said to be a man in the college. Yu Bin belongs to the college basketball team. He is very tall and has good basketball skills. At that time, Liu Lu often skipped class to watch him play in secret.
Yu Bin not only plays basketball well, but also studies well. He gets scholarships every year. Boys like him are very popular with girls in college, so many girls pursue him, but Yu Bin has never been in love.
Later, Liu Lu plucked up the courage to pursue Yu Bin. Thanks to her persevering efforts, the two finally got together. After getting along for a while, Liu Lu realized that the reason why Yu Bin didn't fall in love before was because he didn't have time.
Yu Bin's family is poor. His hometown is in a remote mountain village. Both his parents are farmers and they rely on farming for their livelihoods. There are three children in the family, and Yu Bin is the youngest one.
Because there are many children, the family has always been poor. My brother and sister dropped out of school before finishing junior high school to help their parents at home.
-04-
Yu Bin has been doing very well since he was a child, so his parents put their hopes on him. He also lived up to the expectations and was admitted to the university by his own efforts.
In order for him to study, his parents borrowed a lot of money, so Yu Bin has to work and earn money in his free time in college.
After Liu Lu knew this situation, she didn't look down on Yu Bin, but felt that he was very mature and liked him even more.
After graduation, the two stayed in the city. Liu Lu is a local. Her parents helped her find a job, while Yu Bin found a good job on her own.
The two have been in love for another two years and are about to get married. At that time, Liu Lu was right or wrong, Yu Bin did not marry. Although the parents were opposed to their daughter marrying the Phoenix man, they still reluctantly agreed, and even married a house.
The two got married in this way. Liu Lu felt that if she was married to love, her married life would be happy. But reality gave her a slap in the face.
After getting married, Yu Bin has never been responsible for this family. His monthly salary is still called to his parents and siblings on time, and Liu Lu is responsible for all the expenses of the family.
-05-
Liu Lu never expected that she married love, but she had to turn her face because of the money. Because of money issues, Liu Lu and Yu Bin quarreled many times. Liu Lu wanted Yu Bin to be responsible for the expenses of the family, but Yu Bin didn't listen at all.
Poor Liu Lu, a woman who is responsible for supporting the family, but Yu Bin thinks this is right.
Another thing Liu Lu can’t accept is that some relatives and friends of Yu Bin’s family will come to the house every three to five times to "take guests". Every time they come to Yu Bin, they have to fill up their heads and treat them with delicious food and drinks. Before leaving, I have to give it away in large and small packages. Every time I come is a big expense.
And after Yu Bin's relatives and friends tasted the sweetness, they often went to Liu Lu's house as guests, and became more and more greedy, and began to borrow money and ask for work.
Yu Bin has a good face, swells his face and fills up a fat man, and he does not refuse to come, but these things will eventually fall on Liu Lu. Liu Lu has asked his parents to help several times.
Liu Lu feels that her home is basically like the "guest house" of Yu Bin's relatives and friends, where there is a home.
Liu Lu is getting more and more disappointed with Bin, and the idea of divorce has come to her heart many times, but she has been hesitating and reluctant to bear this relationship, after all, she has paid a lot.
-06-
The last straw that overwhelms the camel is one thing,Yu Bin was drinking outside that day and went home very late. Liu Lu was already asleep, but Yu Bin still woke her up, which made her very unhappy.
Yu Bin suddenly told Liu Lu: My cousin will come over tomorrow and stay in our house for a few days. You go to the supermarket to buy a la carte and wine tomorrow.
Liu Lu was very disgusted with this incident, and refused directly: I have no money, you want to buy it yourself!
Unexpectedly, Yu Bin slapped Liu Lu with Jiu Jin. Now Liu Lu became angry. She and Yu Bin had a big quarrel and directly raised annoyance about divorce.
After waking up, Yu Bin began to beg Liu Lu's forgiveness, but Liu Lu was really chilling this time. She refused to forgive Yu Bin and resolutely divorced him and drove him out of her house.
After the divorce, Yu Bin became the phoenix man with nothing. He regretted it very much, but it was useless.
"Marriage Psychology" said: "God created marriage to make our lives more complete. Women help men and men help women. Because of the existence of each other, they fill in the gaps in life and remove each other from one person’s Bring to a wider world in a small circle.”
Marriage actually requires the husband and wife to help each other and understand each other to run well. If one party pays and one party only knows to take it, it is destined to not last long.
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